Thursday, December 13, 2007

Mission Accomplished, Drugs!

Posted By on Thu, Dec 13, 2007 at 3:16 PM

By George W. Bush

click to enlarge george-w-bush.jpg

A long time ago, America declared a war on drugs. It was a sneak attack. You know who America was like, kind of? Al-Qaeda. Remember when they were at war with us but we weren’t at war with them? Well, that’s how it was with us and drugs, except that drugs were playing the role of America and we were playing the role of al-Qaeda. This analogy may confuse you — if you are on drugs. It may seem like a stretch — if you’re out getting high.

But when you put away the weed and the blow, when you stop taking that jake walk, when you cut down on the Benzedrine that you’re gobbling down like candy, you’ll understand just what I mean.

I have authority in this matter, not just as President, but as a former drug user, and today I am proud to announce that we have won the war on drugs. And just like al-Qaeda took America by surprise by leaping up and knocking down our proud towers — damn you, Saddam! — America took drugs by surprise.

We stubbed out that joint. We sneezed that 8-ball all over the table. We flushed that crack vial down the toilet of time. When I was on drugs, I loved that song, “The Toilet of Time.” Remember? “The toilet of time / What you’re flushing is the past / The present is the paper / That you use to wipe your…”

I forget how the rest goes.

News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.


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