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A Young Boy's Dream Job 

Bikinis invade Alley Cat

So what if Alive After Five is over, the after parties are still going on well after five. It may have routinely rained on that parade, but the people on Tryon march on. Especially the ones headed toward Alley Cat for its Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contests.

I somehow scored every awkward adolescent boy's dream job -- judging the four-week hot bod showdown.

I shared the judge's table with Beautiful Club founder Derek Braun who'd just come off his interview with Morgan Fogarty for FOX News regarding the controversy behind the club exclusive to people of hotness. The story later spread to national news and ultimately shut down their Pink Party. And to think, the coverage all started with this little column ... oops! The other judge was a reigning Miss Hawaiian Tropic, who made sure I knew how important the title is.

Judging beer selection (to slightly impair my judgement), I give Alley Cat a perfect 10 -- they have Bud Select (diet beer).

One contestant, whose club wear was more like strip club wear, announced that her full-time job was a professional bikini contest entrant and her hobbies included getting attention. So, I gave her a zero out of 10 on personality, nominating her for "Miss Low Self-Esteem." When she was asked which pair of shoes in her closet were her favorite, she responded with, "my black laced leggings." Perhaps she's in the right profession after all, because she ended up winning despite my harsh judgment. That, or she just didn't have much competition.

I didn't get why the bar staff was hidden behind the bar rather than on stage. The hotties from Phils have migrated a block over to Alley Cat. They'll have you singing like T-Pain -- "I like the bartender"...

To reiterate the conclusion of summer and add insult to injury, classes are back in session. Students went out with a bang at New Age Entertainment's "Wylin' @ The Virgin Island" at Campus Connection apartment complex up in UNCC land. They put the club in clubhouse with a tiki-torched pool party. It was a makeshift MTV Spring Break with a debauchery buffet, game show, wet t-shirt contest and a get laid booth.

Now that I've gotten my second adolescence out of the way, I am going to resume my life in the real world. "Wyle out" while you can college students, because in the real world you don't get summer vacations and spring breaks. It sucks.

brittney.Cason@creativeloafing.com

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