Of Joints And Junior 

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"Our son knows we think it (pot) shouldn't be illegal," John continued. "There are lots of things the government does that we don't agree with. But they make the rules, and that's just the way it is. Personally, I don't think the government has a right to legislate morality. So if my son wants to smoke the occasional joint when he's an adult, that's fine."

A Clean Break
Like John and Debby, Bill and Betty have two young teenage kids. And like John, Bill is a baby boomer who experimented with drugs. In his case, it was mostly pot and cocaine.

"I used drugs for about 10 years," he says. "It wasn't really a problem in terms of dependency, but more so in terms of poor judgment and impacting my work day."

Bill says he pretty much gave up drugs in the 80s after he saw some of his friends become chronic abusers. "A few of them lost their jobs, their families, and a few even died. It was just totally screwing up people's lives."

While John and Bill grew up in the same era and, at least for awhile, experimented pretty regularly with drugs, they differ greatly on their current views of drugs and parenting. While John considers himself somewhat of a Libertarian when it comes to the issue of legalization, and believes the occasional indulgence is OK, Bill is staunchly anti-drug.

"I'm kind of like the ex-smoker who can't stand being around cigarettes," Bill says. "My kids know I'm very much against drugs. It's just too much of a gamble. Just because I messed around and was fortunate enough to have come out of it relatively unscathed, the institutions and graveyards are littered with people who weren't as lucky."

Bill says that in recent years he's grown increasingly concerned for his children as a few of their friends have been caught doing drugs; one even ended up in a treatment center.

"I think each person handles drugs differently," Bill says. "Some people can use drugs recreationally for a long time and have no apparent ill effects, and then just walk away from it. But some people, within a period of months, can develop a real dependency and get into serious trouble that can plague them for the rest of their lives. There's just too much risk."

Bill says that when he and his wife broach the issue with their kids, he doesn't talk about his own personal experiences. "They might use that as a rationalization -- "Well, daddy did it, and he's OK.' I think that happens quite often. I usually cite examples of people I know, or knew, and people whose children have already experienced problems. I try to stress to them that it (drug use) might just seem like a fun little diversion, but it can really impact your life dramatically, and for some people it leads to the end of their life. It's not something to take lightly."

Focus On What's Important
Falling somewhere between these two approaches are Bob and Kelly, a boomer couple with two teenage sons. Kelly came of age during the 70s, and says she experimented with lots of different drugs, particularly marijuana.

"When I was in high school it was almost like pot was legal," she said. "It was very easy to get away with. I went to class stoned a lot."

Like most people, once she got married and started having kids, the drug use grew less frequent. Kelly says she and her husband are now completely drug-free. However, they still have to deal with the issue. Their youngest son was recently caught smoking pot.

"He was just mortified, and didn't want to face it," Kelly says. "We basically all sat down and had a big discussion. We said we were disappointed that he lied, and he divulged that he had smoked it one other time. It all might have gone in one ear and out the other, you never know, but I was really pleased with how he handled it. Nobody had to yell, and I think he was being honest with us."

Kelly says they don't have a specific game plan for tackling the issue of drugs with their kids, but they do make sure they establish clear expectations.

"Some parents say they don't want their kids smoking or drinking, but then say things like "Well, boys will be boys,' or "All teenagers experiment,'" she says. "If your kids pick up on that murkiness, it's almost like a green light. So our expectations have been pretty clear."

Asked if she would divulge the truth about her own drug use if her kids questioned her, Kelly said, "Probably, but I would add that I really wish I had skipped it. I think it impacted my life in a negative way at different times. Today I'm very connected spiritually and just have other things in my life. My kids see that, and that's what's really important. I don't think pot is the worst thing in the world at all, but I also feel like it was a different time and place back when I was a kid. Drugs weren't as tainted with blood, so to speak. And there are so many issues dealing with addiction and brain development. So I try to share all that kind of stuff in a non-lecturing way.