So you're dead. Now What? 

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The High Cost of Dying

A big part of the whole dying/funeral thing is choosing the right casket, or, as the folks in the funeral business like to call them, "interment vessels." A cursory glance at the variety of materials and costs available is dizzying -- buying a new car is less of a chore, and certainly no less fraught with financial risk. Markups range from four to 20 times wholesale, with the steepest at the lower end. In fact the funeral industry is one of the most profitable in the world. In 1960, America spent about $1.6 billion on its funerals and attendant costs. Today it's over $23 billion.

The most popular casket material in use today is metal, or more specifically, steel-like alloys, which are relatively light and easy to construct. The average price for a metal casket ranges from $1,350 to $3,750, depending on the thickness of the metal.

For those looking to splurge, there are caskets made of "semiprecious" metals like bronze and copper, which are typically more durable. Bronze and copper are listed in weight per square foot of materials and prices can range anywhere from $4,000 to $10,000.

Then there are the more economic hardwood caskets, including oak, cherry, walnut, mahogany, poplar and plain old pine. While these can often be made into ornate works of art, they don't offer the protective qualities of metal or steel caskets. Average price: $2,000. For the truly thrifty, $500 can get you a cloth-covered or plain wood casket.

Today, many funeral homes are offering caskets made of highly durable, state-of-the-art fiberglass and plastic. Many of these newer models come with a 500-year warranty and a price tag between $2,500 and $4,000.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the average funeral costs about $7,500, 15 percent of which is generally spent on the casket. However, these figures reflect the average of all funerals, including direct burials, indigent burials and cremations. They do not include the cost of burial plots, fees for opening and closing the grave, monuments and, in what is a uniquely American introduction to the industry, burial vaults.

Ostensibly designed as an outer receptacle to further protect the casket, some vaults can weigh up to a ton and are designed to resist 5,000 pounds of pressure per square inch. (In case one of those rampant herds of urban elephants should trample your grave.) In the early 1900s, vaults were used in only about five percent of US burials. Today, most places of burial insist on the use of the increasingly pricey vaults (which range from $500 to $3,000) to prevent the ground from collapsing.

Of course, not everyone needs these services. Cremation is an increasingly popular option today, accounting for the disposal of about 15 percent of the dead in the US, about 20 percent in Canada, and 60 percent in the UK. It's expected that in the next decade or so the number of dead who are cremated in the US will increase to about 40 percent. The reasons for this are many. For one, it's cheaper (about $1,000 without visitation). For another, it's environmentally sound. According to the Cremation Association of North America, the average cremated ashes weigh about 6 1/2 pounds and take up the same amount of space as a shoebox.

During cremation the body is burned in a special oven between 1,500 to 1,900 degrees F. from one to four hours. The remaining bones are then crushed into white, powdery ashes, which are placed in an urn. The first legally recognized crematory for public use opened in Milan, Italy, in 1876. Crematories were first established in the United States in 1884.

For the true do-it-yourselfer, there are hundreds of websites where you can choose your own coffin, including PeachtreeCasketsDirect.com. This Atlanta-based company will overnight a casket custom-designed to your tastes, including a special casket for golfers titled "Fairway to Heaven," or "Great Outdoors," decorated with a landscape of eagles, lakes and mist-covered mountains, or the camouflage-themed "Hunting," for those who, when alive, liked to shoot and kill animals. At trappistcaskets.com, monks will hand build old-world European style coffins (think Dracula's casket) to fit your budget and style. There's also funerals.org, which sells a training video on the fine art of embalming, and Funeraltodiefor.com, where you can plan all the details of your funeral online.

And who else to better tap into a market previously unexplored by rock stars than shameless huckster and tongue-wagger Gene Simmons. The KISS bass player and mouthpiece recently introduced the "Kiss Kasket," tastefully covered with a laminated photo of the band and its logo. And in true rock & roll fashion, the Kiss Kasket, which goes for about $4,000, can also be used as a giant cooler, so fans can also enjoy it when they're still alive. If you really want to know more, go to www.kissonline.com.