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The other week I went to a restaurant that had a buffet. Although I did not partake in this fine American tradition, I did notice how poor the manners were of those scrunched over the sneeze glass.
I'm not judging buffets in general. I've been to tons of weddings that had a buffet that I could only dream about. In fact, I prefer it. But then again, there are some buffets that look more like a salmonella bar than a salad bar. Still, regardless of the class of said buffet, it all comes down to how you approach it.
So before you dash to grab the last crab leg, load up at the ketchup fountain, fill your sixth bowl of New England Clam Chowder or pile two pounds of bacon bits onto your all-you-can-eat salad, remember these suggestions for proper buffet dining:
You Don't Have To Always Eat All YOU CAN
Nothing makes me madder, or more nauseous, than watching a buffet turn into a smorgasbord of rudeness. People fighting to grab that last mozzarella stick or slice of pizza, as if the restaurant is not going to replenish the supply.
Some people feel that when they dine at a buffet, they need to get their money's worth, which you should. But when it comes to buffets, I think after about two or three rounds, you probably got your $8.99 worth.
When you go to a buffet, don't pile up your plate so high that it looks like you're playing a game of Jenga with breadsticks. I recommend pacing yourself. For starters, piling up or carrying five plates at a time is sure to land you face first on the floor, wearing your 15 pounds of spaghetti and meatballs. Add that up with the 50 other people who had the same idea and now you have a 10-car pile-up version of a food disaster.
Remember: You can go back up as many times as you like, so don't rush, don't panic, and please maintain a reasonably sized plate.
Keep It Clean
This may come as a shock to you, but the idea of a buffet brings up a nightmarish picture of slobs hovering over the buffet bar with no care of hygiene or manners. Unbelievable, right? How many times have you witnessed people reaching over the food with their sleeves dipping into the sauces or using their fingers instead of the salad tongs? Or even worse, the diners who like to give the offerings a little taste test before putting them on their plate. Top it off with the numerous times someone makes a gooey mess and doesn't care to clean it up.
When witnessing foul manners at a buffet, I recommend offering the offending person some gentle assistance. This method is something I refer to as "Calling them out, without calling them out." When a person decides it's proper to use their hands rather than the salad tongs, I like to hand them the tongs and say, "Here you go; sorry if I was hogging them." We both know they had no desire to use the tongs, but now they hopefully feel guilty (plus, you get to slip in a sly reference to pigs, which is a bonus!). Or when you see someone's plate about to tip over into the food bar because they had to get 20 servings of lasagna, I like to helpfully offer them another plate. Say something like, "Here's another plate for you. That lasagna looks delicious!"
This way, they may rethink the urge to grab the chicken breast with their hands and then return it back to the main tray.
Take Care Of Your Server
A server at a buffet restaurant is the unsung hero of the culinary world. They are like the unknown soldier who goes first into the foxhole to make sure it's all clear, risking life and limb in the process. OK, so maybe that's a bit extreme, but just because the server isn't bringing you the food, they're still making sure you're happy and have everything you need. It brings me back to the war analogy. Just because a soldier isn't doing the main fighting doesn't mean his role is unimportant. Who else would hand you your weapons and supply you with ammo? Which, in this case, is silverware, drinks, and plenty of napkins.
I'm not advocating leaving the waiter a 50 percent tip and a dozen roses. But what I am saying is that their job should not be overlooked. So instead of just barging toward the buffet and pushing the poor waiter aside, talk to them, ask them what they recommend, when a new plate of apple crisp will be brought out, or when the next round of room temperature pudding will be ready.
It's the little things that make buffets run smoothly. They'll also make your next night out at the all-you-can-eat a night to remember — like the time I ate nine hamburgers, five slices of pizza, six hotdogs and 18 mozzarella sticks. Man, that was a night!
This story originally appeared at Quick and Dirty Tricks and Featurewell.com.
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