In Charlotte/Mecklenburg County, an estimated 6,000 people don't have a place to call home. We see some of them when we head Uptown to Starbucks or for a night at the EpiCentre. And it's not out of the ordinary to come across a homeless person standing near an intersection holding a sign asking for help. But that's only part of the story.
According to the community-based organization A Way Home, "Homelessness is generally not triggered by just one of issue. Multiple factors generally come into play. The lack of an individual support system and poor decision-making skills combined with any of the above can cause a person to become homeless. People facing barriers to employment such as illiteracy, lack of skills and education and lack of transportation and childcare are also at greater risk of becoming homeless."
But in 2008, the threat of becoming homeless took on a new meaning. Mecklenburg Homeless Services reported that, from January 2008 to January 2009, the number of homeless in the county jumped 22 percent as local companies began massive layoffs.
So, what is life like for this growing segment of Charlotte's population?
Meet Octavia Dildly, a 23-year-old resident who returned to the area from Job Corps (a free education and training program) in eastern North Carolina after aging out of foster care. While enrolled in Job Corps, Dildly completed business classes; in her free time, she created a youth group for women called A Woman's Worth, which was designed to foster self-esteem for girls. But when Dildly arrived in the city, she found herself jobless and homeless. She moved into My Sister's House, a shelter in west Charlotte for women without dependent children. (In the program, residents can stay for up to two years while they receive job training, education and other services.)
Creative Loafing recently spent a month with Dildly, chronicling her daily life — from the mundane to the dramatic — as she attended school, searched for a job, dealt with health issues and reconnected with family. (The following is an edited compilation of our conversations. For more, view video interviews of Dildly.)
DAY ONE: Dildly walks into the conference room at My Sister's House, dressed stylishly and smiling. Brimming with a bubbly personality, she sits down and explains how she ended up living at a shelter. "I had to make a decision in my life," says Dildly, "because I was in foster care and I moved out on my own and did my own thing. I moved back in with my family. I thought that my foster family was going to be great ... but they were up to the same old thing. I had to make a decision, whether I was going to let them destroy my life or make a move of my own. It was drama, drama all the time, and I was looking for a way out. I knew if I would've stayed with them, I would've been just as unhappy and miserable as they are. I didn't want that for my life."
"I've been [at the shelter] for two months. ... People expect all homeless people to be bums. They expect that the women have been on drugs or they're a drunk or a prostitute. I've never done any of those things. The only way you will know that I'm homeless is if I tell you. I don't go outside and play that pity party. I know that I'm a great person and I deserve great things, and I'm going to get them. Just right now, I have to build myself up. And until I get to that point, I have to be here. You want to do great things in life, and this is not what you want to do ... you don't want to be stuck in a shelter. Going from having my own to being here is a big leap, and that's hard."
DAY FOUR: Dildly is unemployed, but she spends her days taking classes at Central Piedmont Community College, working toward a degree. On her days off, she looks for work online. Today, she sat in the computer lab at My Sister's House, visiting job search websites, hoping to find full-time employment. "I'm just praying that I get a job," she says. Behind her smile, Dildly is admittedly stressed. To take her mind off her uncertain present and future, she immerses herself in projects like her youth club and volunteer work at the shelter.
DAY FIVE: Still feeling stressed, Dildly takes a "mental break." "I think that there are a lot of things going on [at the shelter], and I needed a day where I could recoup and get myself ready for tomorrow," she said quietly. While she doesn't give details about the incident, she says living at the shelter means dealing with "rude" people at times. But rather than cause a confrontation, she chooses to pull back from the other residents. "I just wanted today, to get myself together. I've been listening to music and watching movies. I just felt like I needed that," says Dildly, adding that tomorrow, she'll get back to looking for a job.
DAY SEVEN: Dildly spends much of the day helping to make Christmas decorations for a holiday fundraiser at the shelter. But her efforts get slightly thrown off track by the prospect of reconnecting with her biological family. "I feel like when I get myself together, and I'm 100 percent of what I know I am, that's when I can allow other stuff," she says. "Even though I left my foster family and their drama and their craziness and whatever, that would mean I'm dealing with another family ... and their mess and their drama and their crazy stuff. I don't want to add on one stress to another. I do want to eventually find out who they are. But, I didn't want to see my birth mom and birth dad [because] I feel like: 'You gave me up.' I always wanted to know who my siblings were. My foster family, see, they're miserable and they wanted to make everybody else just as miserable. What they were trying to put in my head was: 'Nobody else wanted you.' I have to heal from that, too."
DAY EIGHT: It's another day of anxiety for Dildly — this time stemming from some of the other residents and the numerous personalities at the shelter, as well as from the fact that she hasn't heard any news about the applications she's submitted to potential employers. As she sits in the computer lab, searching for a job online once again, she takes a detour and visits a meditation website. "It was wonderful. I did two meditations and I almost fell asleep. I think that's what I'm going to start doing to relieve stress — just meditate," she says. "Being here, I really don't have any quiet space."
DAY 20: After a long stretch, Dildly reconnects with her foster family. The reunion, unfortunately, comes about as a result of a health scare: "I had a lump on my breast and I had to have an ultrasound. They didn't know what it was and they still don't know what it is. So, I have to get a biopsy on the 25th of this month, and then I will see if it is cancer or not. The doctor said because of my age that it's rare but there is still a chance. Since they don't know, I'm going to have to sit here and wait. The doctor was like, 'It shouldn't keep you up at night.' Not knowing whether you have cancer or not doesn't give me the best of hope! But I was praying in there. I know God can deliver me from every and anything. So I was just saying, make some miracles happen. Even though it's rare for a person of 23 to have cancer, it doesn't mean that it can't happen. But, I'm fine.
"But anyway, because I was there before, when I had a migraine, all of my information was underneath my mother's name. So, when they wanted to call and verify my appointment, they called my mother and not my cell phone. I'm in the back ... talking to this lady who had a rough day, and I'm trying to motivate her. Only thing I hear is: 'Is Octavia back there?' I was like: 'Who is that?' I peek my head back, and I see my mother, my baby sister and a friend of the family. I hadn't seen them in over a year. This April was the first year I didn't speak to them. It would have been two years if I hadn't spoken to my mom yesterday. It was kind of like a bittersweet moment to me, because we didn't leave with a good note. And, you know, I gave her my cell phone number, and it was good.
"So, I had to meditate today. Just being here and having my personal issues as far as me talking to my mother again and being here in all of this crap and having so much, like, built-in negative energy. Even though I released a lot today, I still feel a little tense. It's going to be in the back of my head until I find out ... when they do the biopsy. It's going to be in the back of my mind. Just because the doctor says don't worry about it, it doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about it. And then seeing my mother on top of it; but, I'm not going to have a pity party. I'm just going to keep it going. And if I don't get good news, I signed up for this program that they have at Presbyterian where if I need surgery that it will be paid for. I wouldn't want to go through chemo. I love my hair. I do. I love my hair. That was my thing. But if the doctor gives me some bad news, I'm just going to shave my hair off. If I have to go through chemo, then I know it's going to fall out."
DAY 29: Dildly's biopsy results are back as My Sister's House gets ready for the holidays. "Today, I helped the center out with Christmas decorations. Today, I was supposed to go to the Y, but I got stuck doing other things, voluntary. So, it's fine ... I love to help out the center as much as possible because I live here. And I want the best for this place because it's done so much for me. Last year, I was at Job Corps [during the holidays], and it was fine. But this year I will be in a shelter for Christmas, and I just feel like I don't want to spend Christmas in the shelter. Even though I really don't want to be here, what can I do? I'm not going to cry. I'm just going to put a smile on my face and have the best freaking Christmas, even if I have to make it that way. I'm not going to mope and whine and cry. I'll be a big girl. I know my blessing is coming."
"And oh, I forgot to tell you, I got my results back and [the lump] was benign. So, everything is fine. That was one thing that got me really happy."
EPILOGUE: Three months after meeting Dildly at My Sister's House, Creative Loafing caught up with her to see where things stand now. She's a full-time student now, still searching for a job and working on her youth group project. Dildly said she didn't spend the holidays at the shelter or with her foster family.
"I actually went to my mentor's house. I didn't want to spend my time here, so I went to my mentor's house and it was great," she recalled.
In 2011, Dildly plans to continue rebuilding her life.
"Hopefully," she said, "I will have a job this year ... continue my education and build A Woman's Worth to more than it is right now."