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Dick Van Dyke: The star of the 60s sitcom which many critics consider the most well-written TV show of them all, he was missing in action and presumed dead for some time. Then he started cranking out identical plot lines on Diagnosis Murder, which, come to think of it, is a good series name for this formerly deceased TV icon.
Angela Lansbury: Longtime Broadway and film star, and, late in life, the star of long-running mystery show Murder She Wrote. We can't really say why we thought she was dead; she just seemed like someone who was probably dead. You know how it is.
Jerry Lee Lewis: His "great balls of fire" killed his career when word got out that he'd married his 13-year-old cousin. He resurrected his professional life by going country, and followed that up with dead wives, nearly fatal stomach problems, you name it. It just seemed as if one of The Killer's many problems should have destroyed him by now.
J.D. Salinger: The reclusive author of Catcher in the Rye, Franny & Zooey and not much else worth a damn in the last 35 years, had his mysterioso reputation sullied when revelations of relations with an underage fan surfaced a few years ago. When we heard about it, it was like learning about a ghost having an affair. At this point, he might as well be dead.
Alice Cooper: You couldn't tell by looking at this 70s shock rocker that he's still among the living. So we were almost right.
John Kenneth Galbraith: Long John Galbraith, JFK's favorite economist as well as a respected writer and diplomat, has kept a low profile lately; not six-feet-under low, but low nonetheless.
Don Larsen: The former New York Yankee is the only man to have pitched a perfect game in the World Series. We would have bet a week's salary that Larsen had drunk himself to death a few years ago. Turns out he's not finished yet.
Mary Tyler Moore: Don't know why one of us thought the former Laura Petrie and Mary Richards had gone to that facelift in the sky, since she shows up at awards presentations and the like pretty often.
Art Linkletter: A veritable god of early TV (Art Linkletter's House Party, People Are Funny, etc.), and then famous for his daughter jumping out a window while on LSD, Linkletter has apparently been dipping into Dorian Gray's bag of tricks. He's over 90 and still travels the country giving "inspirational" speeches and spends one week every year surfing in Hawaii. Jeez, wish I was that dead.
Walter Cronkite: It's true. When the Novello Festival announced a few years ago that Uncle Walter, the ultimate TV news anchorman, would be coming to town, we were taken aback. We were so sure he was dead, we'd actually been going around feeling sad about it. Imagine our embarrassment.
Peter O'Toole: The Lawrence of Arabia star has literally looked like death in such latter-day vehicles as Caligula and Creator (doubtless due to the alcoholism that long plagued his life), but he, or what's left of him, still turns up in an occasional feature.
Katharine Hepburn: Perhaps the oldest "Golden Age of Hollywood" star still living, this screen legend, at 95, is retired to her home in Connecticut. One of our staffers, though, is adamant: "I don't care what it says, she's dead as a door nail. She's gotta be."
Willie Nelson: Preserved by drugs -- that's the only explanation for this singer/songwriter's longevity.
Idi Amin: The former Grand Poobah muckety-muck of Uganda and part-time cannibal, Amin was one of the great political villains of our time. We thought he'd been killed when his miserable excuse for a government was overthrown. But no-o-o-o, he's living in the lap of luxury in that land of rich, debauched playboys, Saudi Arabia, homeland of Osama bin Laden.
Jim Nabors: When a news program recently mentioned that Jim "Gomer Pyle" Nabors -- aka The Hillbilly Mario Lanza, and rumored to have been Rock Hudson's last lover -- was living well in Hawaii, we almost choked on our hotdog.
Tommy Lasorda: Someone thought the excitable former Los Angeles Dodgers' manager had died some time ago of "stomach cancer, or an ulcer, or a burst appendix, some midsection thing." Actually, Lasorda has heart trouble, but as far as we know, his digestion's OK despite all the Italian food.
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