Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Dating Horror Stories from the Queen City

Nightmare on Trade Street

Posted By on Wed, Oct 25, 2017 at 7:00 AM

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Usually this week's column is dedicated to discussing all the Halloween festivities going on in the Q.C. I've talked up Rich & Bennett's Halloween Pub Crawl. I've reminisced on dressing up in a multitude of costumes in a single weekend with the P.I.C. and described costume malfunctions that make Janet Jackson look like Tami Fitzgerald.

This year, however, the excitement for one of my favorite "holidays" has faded. I can't bring myself to spend any money on a costume I'll only wear once or a costume that fails to be cliché enough to recognize. Blame it on the fact that I'm not drinking this month or simply chop it up as "old age," but the reality is there are enough clowns running around this city that I don't have the desire to join them.

Instead, this week I'd rather laugh at the living nightmare that is dating in Charlotte. Let's be honest, enough of us have had our fair share of dating mishaps to put Freddy Krueger, Jason and Pennywise to shame. Don't get me wrong, I've been out of the dating scene for quite some time, however, all you have to do is sit at a table at any number of Charlotte nightlife spots long enough to hear about all the shenanigans that this city has to offer.

From bowel movements in the bedroom in the middle of a one-night stand (you read it right, a shituation) to ending up at the same bar as your boyfriend while he makes out with another girl, each watering hole in the city offers up its own Lifetime-level horror story. All you have to do is look for the guy or girl weeping over a craft beer and I guarantee you'll hear some version of your favorite romance thriller — think Michael Ealy in The Perfect Guy.

After hearing a series of hilarious dating mishaps from friends throughout the summer, I decided to take a poll on Facebook and Instagram asking friends to share their worst dating nightmares since arriving in Charlotte. Needless to say, those stories were just as intriguing as they were insane!

I'll start with a guy so you all don't think I'm just a man-hater. Now, let me preface this by saying the guys I know tend to voice their fears of dating from a financial perspective. "All girls just want free meals and drinks, then don't want to put out or actually date me." And honestly, no matter a person's sex, there are definitely those types running rampant in the dating scene.

My friend took this girl out to a nice restaurant, and before he knew it she was outdrinking him 5 cocktails to 1. Later, after she was so wasted he decided to put her on the nearest public transportation, she admitted that she wasn't interested in a "guy with small feet," if you catch my drift, and laughed while admitting she only wanted to snag a few free drinks and that she was actually married! Um, where your man at?!

Another Charlottean met a really hot guy who she felt she could "actually engage in an intellectual conversation with." They talked for a couple hours and when he shifted the conversation to the importance of honesty in relationships, his desire for commitment and his recent heartbreak, she thought, "I've found the one." A couple hours later, he's taking his hand into hers and says, "I guess we're doing this. I'm your boyfriend." Um what?! Just like that, the nightmare began. She tried to brush off the "moment" by smiling and politely returning to her group of friends. The next day, however, the stalking ensued. From a flurry of text messages and phone calls to showing up at her regular spot and even spying on her movements at home. Time to file a restraining order, boo boo!

Another fella stumbled upon a chick that he thought was pretty chill. He wasn't necessarily interested in more than a "good time," so when he realized he could say pretty much anything — whether rude or intelligent — and she wasn't going to react, he'd chalked her up as an "easy yes." It wasn't until the next morning that he woke up to an empty wallet that he'd realized he'd gotten played. To top it off, the next time he saw her and called her name, she didn't respond, because guess what, it wasn't even her real name!

For someone like me, who considered dabbling in dating apps right when they were becoming commonplace, the idea of dating in Charlotte is a modern-day version of Nightmare on Elm Street — or, in this case, Trade Street. I'll pass! Tell me, is dating in the Q.C. a nightmare come true? Share your stories with me at backtalk@clclt.com. Happy Halloween!

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