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Thursday, February 28, 2008
News Pay attention to me, I’m making crazy Biblical amendments
Posted By Web Editor on Thu, Feb 28, 2008 at 11:21 AM
By Mike HuckabeeÂ
Did you hear what I’m up to? No? You stopped paying attention? I figured as much. So 
I’m doing some super wacky conservative crap. I endorsed an amendment to Colorado’s constitution that will define life as beginning at conception. I also said I want it added to the U.S. Constitution.
You see, back when the Constitution was written, there were no abortions. If an unwanted pregnancy occurred, the father would completely abandon the woman and move to another town. The child would grow up a bastard, never to be given a fair shake and everyone was happy (except the single moms and bastard children).
I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume if the founding fathers were resurrected as half-dead zombies, the first thing they would do would be to pass this amendment. (The second thing, naturally, would be to eat our brains.)
I’d like to take this opportunity to address some common questions I’ve heard about this amendment.
So if this thing is ratified, could people who get abortions be prosecuted for murder?
Yes. And they will get the death penalty if I have my say. And no, it’s not hypocritical to be pro-life and pro-capital punishment.
How can you draw the line at fertilization? Couldn’t you say every time you masturbate, your sperm die and that is the same thing as 1/2 of a murder?
Absolutely. Look for that amendment in summer ‘09.
You’ve said you’d like the Constitution to be more reflective of the bible. What other amendments would you make?
No more immigration for the Pharisees. Cancel American Idol and Desperate Housewives. Smite gays and disrespectful children with lightening bolts.
News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.
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