Thursday, April 24, 2008

Turns out I won the nomination two months ago!

Posted By on Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 11:25 AM

By Hillary Clinton

So today I declared that I'm leading the popular vote. And I didn't just flat out declare it, I channeled my inner 5-year-old to make the announcement:

"I'm very proud that as of today, I have received more votes by the people who have voted than anyone else."

And if I may add ... nana-nana-boo-boo.

In fairness I should qualify that this vote total includes Michigan and Florida, which went uncontested by Barack. Additionally, it doesn't include black voters because, let's be honest, those were "gimmes" for him. Red states that have no chance of voting Democratic in the national election obviously were left off this tally as well.

Hey, I'm just checking the numbers again, and apparently I won the nomination two months ago!

Shit. Kind of embarrassing that we've been destroying each other and seriously damaging the Democratic party for the last eight weeks. Boy is there egg on our faces or what!

I'm further bragging that I've received more votes than any candidate in history. Way more than when Lincoln beat out Douglas. Sure there were less US citizens alive then than registered Democrats today, but what I'm trying to say is I would have smoked old Abe. So while Barack turns his attention to McCain, I find it prudent to look backwards and trounce on past president's legacies.

For instance did you know that Abraham Lincoln's nickname was Gaybraham? True story.

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