We've all seen it.

You know, the person that's in the club dancing up a storm like they're either on ecstasy or re-creating Footloose. While we all came to move a little bit, we were smart enough to know that there wasn't a music video shoot at the club tonight and that choreographed danced routines are better suited for You Got Served and breakdancing competitions.

Not this person.

They came prepared. They wore their adidas instead of the loafers. And those khaki cargo pants aren't an accident either. Little do you know, they are looking to battle.

Look at you.

He thinks you're a conservative punk! Wearing your fitted jeans and button-up. You're not ready to party, you're a corporate cutout. He's the one who's really hip-hop, even though both of you grew up in the suburbs and attended private schools where the black guys you knew were either geniuses or athletes.

But you aren't the douche here.

You know the club is already packed tight and there really isn't room for somebody to command that kind of dance floor space. Sure, if a Soul Train broke out it'd be cool, but no one signed off on being kicked accidentally by the asshole that's doing too much.

What you missed when you went and got another beer was the guys who walked in looking like extras from the video.

So now Douche Dance-a-lo has some competition, and these guys aren't slouches. Unlike the tipsy chick about to break her neck dancing on the bar or the first-time clubber who is getting more quarters than dollars thrown at her in the go-go cage right now, these fuckers are going to take up a lot of room and are ready to jerk.

Jerk. You know. The latest seizure-like dance trend from California. Crumpin was so three years ago man. So was the Heisman and Soulja Boy, Stanky Legg and the Roy. Don't worry about what the new dance is, they'll show you. (Like it or not).

Seriously, what's the age limit on dance trends?

Like an adult, you stick with your two-step. Like Jay-Z says, "you're in a good groove." But DJ Dumbass cues up Fergie's "London Bridge." It's not a new song, and it's not really for dudes but don't tell them that. Somehow their sweet moves have gotten a member of the opposite sex to grind on them.

After ignoring the subtle racism that is our little dancer reaching out to fist bump the black guy that he doesn't know. You pray that "Single Ladies" isn't in the queue, that's the song that turns the dance floor into a runway and the one most likely to make your significant other embarrass you.

Thank God for security.

See what the clubs care about more than their patrons is the bar. And now that you've made the server drop a couple drinks, you've just made them lose money.

Big mistake, dance fever.

After laughing at that person and crew getting tossed out of the club like Uncle Phil throwing Jazz in the Fresh Prince, you realize things are kind of dead now. I mean, there aren't any characters inside anymore. No one to laugh at, no one that's wildin', basically, no one to keep the party going.

Maybe its true, every party needs an asshole.

I don't know what it is, but for some reason, people in their 20s are strangely nostalgic about their childhood (as if it wasn't only a decade ago).

In getting caught up in that nostalgia, lots of kids who grew up in Charlotte have a fond place in their hearts for the skating rink. I was a terrible skater but anytime someone says Tradewinds, three songs immediately pop to mind. Let the dry humping and over-the-shirt groping ensue.

Ghost Town DJ's - "My Boo"

Sammie - "I Like It"

Freak Nasty - "Da Dip"

The funny thing I thought about listening to Sammie's "I Like It" is one — I feel like all my friends and I looked and dressed just like that in middle school — and two — do kids even get deals anymore? Outside of Disney groomed kid stars, do labels even try to put out a pre-teen artist? Was it ever worth it.

Admit it, there's no way you dropped thousands of dollars in the iTunes store for that massive music collection.

Unlike the past, where people visited download and BitTorrent sites anonymously like they were cruising for porn, the threat of getting letters saying you owe $1,000 dollars for downloading The Perculator probably aren't going to come.

That's cool. Already having the shame of owning that song and quite possibly Aqua's "Barbie Girl" in your library are bad enough, there's no need to pay a fine, but what's more, the new era in music has created a digital dilemma that completely changed the way we value music.

All it takes is a brief tweet and a hectic scramble to dig the remote out of the couch and the entire course of my day can change.

After a friend of mine recently tweeted, "Class Act is on BET," there went my afternoon.

Although BET is a network that I've literally put a time limit on for my daily viewing, if at all, any excuse to see a Kid 'N Play movie, pre-House Party 3 is still must see in 2009.

And why not? I mean lots of rappers have done movies, from the Fat Boys to Master P, to artists taking serious roles with Ice T, Ice Cube and Ludacris all trying to be all around entertainers but there is something about the perfect storm of time that allowed "Oh La Oh La Eh" and teal suits to be cool. It was something about wanting to watch people just have fun that's still strangely appealing.

The thing that was surprising about House Party, Class Act and House Party 2 is that they were actually good and culturally relevant. Other than after school special vibe of their anti-drug undertones, they had elementary plots, super simple, most times silly plots, but plots none the less. I'm no Matt Brunson but I don't know if movies like these could ever be made again. Who else could update the Charleston and make it cool now? Could any no name group be as funny as Full Force wanting to "kick their funky ass" and have the most memorable song in the movie?

Things started changing once the sequels started to get stale and rappers took their tough guy personas from the booth to the screen. The success of movies like State Property, Paid In Full and Shottas, all black cult classics and entertaining, may have just killed the days of rappers having a good time and kicking out a crappy but funny popcorn movie.

What happened to the rap comedy? I don't know if anyone has tracked the genre but it's been a long time since the success of movies like House Party & the Friday series. I Got The Hook Up wasn't very good and in later years you've pretty much seen all films attempting to be in this genre go straight to DVD or straight to Dollar stores nationwide.

Their music, which was front and center in all the movies, aside, Kid N Play left a cultural mark. People had those haircuts (look are a yearbook from the early 90's). Could Soulja Boy & Arab be Kid N Play circa 2009? They got the dance craze part down but probably not. But until the next duo with enough charisma and some acting chops come along, I'll settle for HBO2West viewings of Kid 'N Play movies at 2 in the morning and cranking the Funky Charleston with friends at old school parties.

Oh well, here's to the memories. (Hottest dance scene ever. Well after the era of big budget, precisely choreographed scenes in movies ended).

It's that time of year again. When your Facebook wall fills up and texts messages come from contacts you've long since deleted.

It's your birthday.

Whether you're the kind of person that counts down for months or the one that proceeds with business as usual, there's a ton of songs dedicated to special days, not just the crappy ones you hear at a kid's birthday party or Chili's. But unless someone's giving you the traditional "Happy Birthday" like Marilyn Monroe gave Kennedy, just avoid that 'gem' completely.

In honor of my 23rd birthday today, here's a list of birthday songs you actually want to hear.

"Happy Birthday" by Stevie Wonder

Let's face it, if you hear this version, nine times out of 10, you're black (or have a black co-worker). Even though the song and video were done for MLK's birthday and you haven't done nearly as much to impact the world, you can chop off all the weighty accomplishments in the lyrics and just bask in the chorus.

"Birthday" by The Beatles

If you're anything like me and went to school with kids whose parents fell all over themselves to be "cool mom" or "cool dad" this is the birthday classic for them. Once you get over it's corniness, you'll enjoy rockin as if you're one the cast of Full House and Jesse and the Rippers are doing a cover.

"It's Your Birthday" by Luke

Fun Fact: There aren't any curse words in this song AND the special birthday bonus here is, if you hear it on your birthday you're probably in a strip club or getting an lovely private party. Great thing about this video is this is exactly what I thought Miami was like until I saw the First 48. If your friends were true friends they'd make sure that there were girls in bikinis were in your driveway poppin and then more would jumped out of a van.

"Birthday Sex" by Jeremih

Would mean an awesome end to your special day (or any day for that matter).

For years, I avoided the unnecessary obsession of fantasy football, but when the opportunity to play in a league with one of my favorite producers came up, I jumped at the chance.

Needless to say, the competitive fire of a kid who played on a winless high school baseball team kicked in and now I'm not just happy to be playing. I want to win and 9th Wonder is my next victim!

Coming into Week 2 of our Fantasy Football season, my squad, The Mikey McFly's, are solid in second place to, you guessed it, 9th Wonder's Winston-Salem WonderBreads.

A Week 2 showdown between our leagues two best teams means only one thing for me. A lowly music contributor gets to trash talk a Grammy winner but what can I say to someone who has worked with Jay-Z, Mary J. Blige, was one-third of Little Brother and actually gave me one of my first interviews when I was in college?

I mean, if you type in "9th" on Google he comes up third, behind only the 9th Amendment and 9th circuit [court] and I'm not even the top Mike McCray, thanks to some Pacific Northwest real estate agent, a guy in Charlotte who has an affinity for hitting on women and an obscure artist who released a record called "Bring Your Love Back" sometime in the '80s on Topflight Records.

• In case you thought I was joking.

But hey, this is football. I know football! I mean if it were Fantasy Crate Diggin' or Guess the BPM''s, I'd most assuredly lose but football, I'm sure I can pull that off. I have awards, too. Sort of. They are all journalism related, not a Grammy, but big shit to me.

Even ESPN's team breakdown says I should win. (Only by one category, we push at almost every position).

Hey, what do I have to lose? And if I do I'll just trash his school, North Carolina Central, and drown my sorrows in a Modelo on Sunday.

UPDATE: Apparently no digital intimidation of a Grammy award winner was needed as I walked away with the 166-137 Week 2 Fantasy football win and I'm currently the league leader.

You thought it died in the early '90s.

I mean after The Fresh Prince pimped Sprite and MC Hammer pushed some popcorn chicken, you thought it was the beginning of the end and you were right. Consumers were on "hip-hop" overload, with even the most un-hip-hop products like Barbie, Lego's and Chef Boyardee getting generic rhymes and breakdancing from suburban white kids.

I mean, the movie Kazaam alone should have been the nail in the coffin on that whole street smart, dress tough, white kid rapping thing, right?

Apparently that movement just took a Gatorade break to get everything straight and returned with what is probably the worse 60 seconds of rapping since any 60-second interval of Rodney Dangerfield's rap album.

Education Connection's rap commercial featuring the girl who "works for an hourly wage" and "went to high school, didn't do great" is probably the most cringe worthy thing on TV.