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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police reports

THE BASTARDS! A man reported that not only had his tools been stolen, but the thief (or thieves) had the audacity to steal his beer -- even his Zima. Two cases of Zima and 10 cases of Coors Light are still missing. Police are currently working to determine what crime is worse: stealing Zima or admitting you have two cases of the beverage.

HARD PARTYING: A money dispute at a Wilkinson Boulevard club probably left a promoter wishing for a safer job -- say, as a cab driver in Iraq. After the entertainment took issue with "finances pertaining to their contract," the promoter was threatened and immediately assaulted by at least four people. The promoter told police he was kicked, punched and kneed all over his body.

DIRTY DEVIL: A family member threw a vacuum cleaner at a Charlotte woman and then threatened to strangle her with the cord.

TOO MUCH JACKIE CHAN: A person cut off a guy on Independence Boulevard. The two stopped their cars, and the bad driver told the guy, "I'll cut you," while brandishing a martial arts weapon.

HOW ABOUT TURNING THE RINGER OFF?: A woman reported someone called her home at least six times in the middle of the night, despite her pleas that the caller stop.

ALL KIDDING ASIDE: A guy put the $240 he received from a friend on a counter, when a woman picked it up. The guy thought the woman was kidding and would give it back. He was wrong.

HEAVY SLEEPER: A woman woke up to find a hole in her living room ceiling. Turns out someone had fired a gun and the bullet came in through the roof before landing on the floor.

(NON)EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH: A Target worker decided a gift card left behind shouldn't go to waste. After a customer purchased but forgot it, the employee used the $20 card himself.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER THREAT: An unknown person called a woman's house four times. "I am going to kill you and your family," the caller said. The woman says she has "no idea" who the caller is or why the caller was mad.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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