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Friday, May 10, 2013
The Sexologist She Bangs!: New hookup app delivers alternative to online dating
Posted By Becky Knight on Fri, May 10, 2013 at 12:02 PM
As a newly single woman, I felt it was my obligation to give the whole match.com thing a whirl. For a while it was fun. I wasn't shy about initiating conversations, and I met some great guys that I otherwise would not have crossed paths with. I even went out with an ex-NFL wide receiver a few times. (I have a thing for football players.) I hadn't been on the dating scene since college, so the ease of finding a guy online outweighed the potential pitfalls.
But if you've tried online dating, you are aware of the downside: people puff up their profiles to sound uber-exciting, when in reality they are as boring as everyone else. Therein lies the trap: Most people avoid being honest and go to great lengths to package and present their best selves. But hey, why wouldn't they? They only have a few seconds to capture someone's attention.
Bang with Friends is a free Facebook dating app that offers a different approach to traditional online dating. The creators believe they've tapped into the future with the tagline "Anonymously find friends who are down for the night." Instead of reaching out to strangers, this app allows users to connect with people they already know. If both users have the app and mark each other as bang-worthy, Bang notifies them of a match.
I downloaded the app and within about 20 seconds was swiping through pictures. Since most of my Facebook friends are either family members or married, I felt uneasy being asked if I was "Down to Bang" them. Ick. However, I can see how it could interest a 20-something single who has scores of high school and college friends and friends-of-friends to scan through. Who knows? Maybe that hottie you had a crush on all through high school secretly wants to bang you too.
Before disregarding Bang as just another way to hook up, consider what one founder says his team is finding.
"We're already heard of it leading to more than sex," says C, who wished to remain anonymous for this interview. "Lots of 'friends with benefits' situations were discovered, and even some more serious relationships." After all, he says, "great sex is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship, and we help people discover mutually interested partners in a safe way."
With over 900,000 users and 200,00 matches in a few short months, it appears that the appeal is real. Almost half of Bang's users are under 25, and 75 percent are under 35. Is this the future of online dating? Maybe, but that troubles me. If I already know someone well enough to be Facebook friends with them, I should be able to have a conversation with them to see if there's mutual interest. C disagrees with my concern.
"Bang With Friends is anonymous until you both indicate interest in each other. It helps you break the ice without risking the friendship. We actually encourage more conversation and honesty by letting friends cut through the initial barrier of hidden feelings to get to how they both really feel."
As someone who encourages and teaches women how to speak up about what they want - and don't want - in their relationships, it concerns me that important communication skills are now mediated with the assistance of an app. Yet, I realize that modern adults spend a considerable amount of time interacting with technology and therefore finding love (or an easy hook-up) online is the new normal. Even the men I met on those match.com dates who eschewed Facebook, Twitter and Instagram felt online dating was unavoidable. I suppose it only goes to prove that we're all looking for love - and willing to try just about anything to find it.
Becky Knight is a clinical sexologist and sexuality educator in private practice in Charlotte. She specializes in working with women who want to increase their sexual knowledge, expand their sexual expression, and improve their sexual satisfaction.
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