Thursday, September 11, 2014

Two women, two cities — what could go wrong?

Posted By on Thu, Sep 11, 2014 at 4:19 PM

At some point in a young man's life, he may decide to be a "playa playa from the Himalayas." (Shout out to Martin Lawrence!) This week's story is a great example of just that.

Keith had just moved to the Queen City from Greensboro. He still has unresolved issues that he left behind in the Triad: namely, a woman he was dating named Alisha, who thought they were in a serious relationship. Note that keyword — thought.

Keith, on the other hand, figured since he was in a new city, he could make some new "friends," without Alisha being the wiser. He also considered them to be casually dating, so it didn't matter anyway.

One night at a networking event, Keith meets Lori, and they immediately hit it off. They exchange info and make plans to go out over the weekend. The problem, though, is Keith had planned to go back to Greensboro to take Alisha out. What is a playa to do?!

You can see where this is going. Keith calls Alisha and tells her he has to work and won't be able to drive to Greensboro for the weekend. Just to be safe, he also tells her he's working the overnight shift — meaning, he'll be asleep all day and unreachable by phone.

Alisha decides that she will just have a Snapped marathon on the couch for the weekend. OK, not really, but it sounds good right?!

On Saturday night, Keith has successfully avoided speaking to Alisha and goes to pick Lori up for their date. They are doing the usual dinner and a movie thing. (Haven't you men heard Paul Brunson the matchmaker say that dinner and movies is a horrible first date? It ranks right up there with chilling at the house. But I digress.)

Keith and Lori have a great dinner, convo is nonstop and flowing, no awkward pauses, and she's even giving major hints that she is really feeling him. He decides that he's gonna see her again, and eventually get her back to his house and into his bed.

The two head to the movies, and Keith gets a text from Alisha that reads, "I miss you." Poor girl has no clue, does she? He turns his phone off so he doesn't feel guilty, and so he can focus on Lori. Obviously, he's determined to get into her cookie box.

After the movie, Keith and Lori walk out of the theater holding hands. He's so into playing Romeo, he doesn't even notice who is holding the door open for them as they exit. He drives Lori home, and she invites him in for a drink. Keith decides not to make a move, but instead they end up kissing and hugging and talking for a couple hours. They end the night with promises to get together on Sunday.

On the way home, Keith turns his phone back on and sees he has several missed calls from Alisha. He decides he will deal with her the next day, after his alleged overnight shift is over.

Keith pulls up into his driveway. He immediately sees a message scrawled across his front door in red paint: "F*** YOU YOU CHEATING ASS DOG!"

Ooooh, hell. Keith looks around all crazy. Alisha wouldn't possibly drive from Greensboro to pull this stunt, right? Besides, she thinks he's at work.

He goes into the house. As he turns on the lights, Alisha steps out of his room.

WAIT. How did this heffa get in?!

Good ol' Keith leaves his spare key under his doormat like he used to do in Greensboro, and Alisha figured he wasn't smart enough to switch it up in Charlotte — she was right. Old habits die hard.

Does this remind anyone else of a scene from Thin Line Between Love and Hate?

"I know where you were tonight," Alisha whispers.

"Right," Keith replies nonchalantly. "I was at work, and I got off early, so now I'm home. What is the deal with all the dramatics?"

"Since when did you start wearing dress pants and a button-down shirt to work in a warehouses slinging boxes?"

Welp, Keith — she got you on that one!

"Well," he starts stuttering, "see, uh, I got off earlier and then decided I wanted to go out for a little bit to hear some jazz, so I came home and changed."

Lawd, Keith. Just stop.

Nope, he doesn't stop. "See, you don't trust me, and that's why I can't trust you because you don't trust me, and ..."

Alisha picks up her phone and dials her voicemail and puts it on speaker: "Hey girl, it's _____. I am at the movies and just held the door open for Keith and some light-skinned chick with long hair that ain't you. They were holding hands looking mighty friendly. Did y'all break up? Lemme know what is going on!"

"See, baby look." You know Keith had an answer for this. "I wanted to go check out that new Denzel movie, and I went there because when I got to the jazz spot, it was closed. I don't know who that chick was. She had tripped so I was helping her because she seemed a little unsteady."

I wonder if Keith even believes this ish himself.

Alisha ain't falling for it either. "If you wanted to break up, fine, just say that. Sneaking around behind my back and then lying about it is not OK. I'm done."

"But 'Lish, listen. I thought we were just friends with benefits anyway. Wait, why you leaving?"

Alisha slams the door behind her. Keith sits stunned, wondering how he got caught. Eventually, though, he goes into his bedroom and sees that Alisha has smashed all of his photography equipment to pieces. She's also poured bleach all over his clothes.

Chile, a woman scorned ain't nothing to play with.

The lesson here is if you are dating multiple people, communicate that so nobody gets hurt. Side note: Keith ended up going out with Lori again, but eventually he tried the tale of two cities thing again and it backfired.

Want to share your own dating story? Good, Bad, Ugly—Go ahead, shoot an email to backtalk@creativeloafing.com. We'll keep your identity a secret — just let us know what dating in the Queen City is really like!

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