Thursday, October 16, 2014

The not-so-sweet smell of the morning after

Posted By on Thu, Oct 16, 2014 at 3:12 PM

Unless you are the Virgin Mary or practicing celibacy, abstinence or whatever other bakery closers you want to call it, it's only a matter of time before you get intimate with the person you're dating. Amirite?

Damon and Cindy had been dating for quite some time, and they were in a long-distance relationship. Damon lived in Boone, and Cindy in Charlotte. Oh, and here's a detail you'll need to remember for later: Damon recently had surgery on his wrist, so his arm is all bandaged up in a sling.

On this particular weekend, Damon comes to Charlotte to visit Cindy. This was the first time he was actually going to stay at her house. In the past, he usually stayed at his frat brother's house or in a hotel.

Imagine that: a man not giving an ultimatum about getting the draws the first night and agreeing to WAIT. Allow me to pick my face up off the floor.

Anyhoo, I won't bore you with the details of what went down in the bedroom. We're all adults. The real shit pops off the next morning.

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Thursday, October 9, 2014

A killer time

Posted By on Thu, Oct 9, 2014 at 1:20 PM

First dates can be awkward enough, but add alcohol and there’s bound to be some truth telling going on. This week’s date is a bit of a "Thriller."

Kerri and Sal met at a mutual friend's party and made plans to go out the following weekend. Kerri decided to make things more comfortable by asking her friends to come along, sort of a triple date.

They all end up at Nikko’s Sushi Bar in South End, which has a nice ambiance , great food and great music. Sal and Kerri aren’t getting to know each other well, since it’s a group date, and Sal, a regular at Nikko’s, keeps leaving the table to chat it up with folks he knows. Every time he leaves the table, Kerri’s friends are being extra nosy, “So, what’s up with you two, are you dating?” or “Are you sure he likes girls?”

We all have friends who plant doubt in the back of our mind, so you start to analyze every movement to see if he’s eyeballing the waiter. Now, Kerri has had several rounds of sake, but she thinks she noticed that he was touching the waiter’s hand a little too long, and that maybe he was looking at the waiter’s crotch, and maybe he was looking at her friend’s boyfriend, too. Uh-oh.

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Thursday, October 2, 2014

We shall not sympathize with wandering eyes

Posted By on Thu, Oct 2, 2014 at 12:56 PM

Pay attention to the red flags, ladies and gentleman — I cannot stress that enough! Let's dive right on into this week's dating story, shall we?

Jordan met Elroy (jeezus take the wheel, I wonder if his parents were fans of The Jetsons?!) at the grocery store one day and made plans to meet up at Harper's for dinner the following evening.

Jordan says she never lets the guy pick her up on the first date, and I don't I blame her. Mofos are crazy as hell these days. You can't have a mofo knowing where you live so they can come slash your sheets and bust your tires when they think you seeing someone else. Chile, please. NOBODY has time for any of that drama.

Anyway, she says they met up at Harper’s, and the server seats them in the middle of the restaurant, surrounding by several tables full of women. This ain't bout to end well. I feel it in my soul.

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Thursday, September 25, 2014

Treat 'em like they want to be treated — even like a child

Posted By on Thu, Sep 25, 2014 at 2:02 PM

Dating can be awkward, a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Getting to the discussion of sex can often make things even weirder.

Ashley had been seeing Kevin for a few weeks after meeting through mutual friends. The conversation was good, not too many awkward pauses and blank stares, and they actually did things: eating out, bowling, the movies, plus more. I'm impressed just from that.

One night, Kevin invites Ashley over to his house to watch a movie and who knows what else. *side-eye* Ashley says it was cool with her because they had been seeing each other for awhile, and she didn't think he was a crazy person.

When Ashley walks into his house, Kevin offers her a drink. OK, bruh has some manners. She requests vodka; he points to the kitchen and tells her it's in there.

See. Just when I was giving him points, he acts crazy. That woman has never been to his house, she doesn't know where the ish is.

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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Even small red flags need to be taken seriously

Posted By on Thu, Sep 18, 2014 at 12:07 PM

If you can't deliver, then you shouldn't even bother to offer.

Marla met James at a club one night while she was out with her girls. Though she had been drinking, she recalls thinking he was attractive, so she gave him her number when he asked for it.

A couple days later, James asks Marla out to dinner. She tells me she couldn't exactly remember exactly what he looked like, but figured he must be OK since he got the number. Besides, Marla said, why does it matter if he is ugly? At least he followed through and actually called her for a date instead of passing over all the steps in between and heading for the love below. Good point, Marla ... good point.

James and Marla agree to meet up at Olive Garden. When she gets to the restaurant, she sees a cute guy standing at the bar. Thank the lucky stars, he turns around and calls out her name. "Whew!" she's thinking — at least she didn't have to try to figure out if that was him or not.

Because there's a wait for a table, they sit at the bar to chat for a bit. During the entire conversation, Marla notices that he never looks directly at her. It's almost as if he's looking behind her. So what do you do in that situation? Of course, you finally turn around and look behind you to see what's back there. And of course, there's nothing back there.

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Thursday, September 11, 2014

Two women, two cities — what could go wrong?

Posted By on Thu, Sep 11, 2014 at 4:19 PM

At some point in a young man's life, he may decide to be a "playa playa from the Himalayas." (Shout out to Martin Lawrence!) This week's story is a great example of just that.

Keith had just moved to the Queen City from Greensboro. He still has unresolved issues that he left behind in the Triad: namely, a woman he was dating named Alisha, who thought they were in a serious relationship. Note that keyword — thought.

Keith, on the other hand, figured since he was in a new city, he could make some new "friends," without Alisha being the wiser. He also considered them to be casually dating, so it didn't matter anyway.

One night at a networking event, Keith meets Lori, and they immediately hit it off. They exchange info and make plans to go out over the weekend. The problem, though, is Keith had planned to go back to Greensboro to take Alisha out. What is a playa to do?!

You can see where this is going. Keith calls Alisha and tells her he has to work and won't be able to drive to Greensboro for the weekend. Just to be safe, he also tells her he's working the overnight shift — meaning, he'll be asleep all day and unreachable by phone.

Alisha decides that she will just have a Snapped marathon on the couch for the weekend. OK, not really, but it sounds good right?!

On Saturday night, Keith has successfully avoided speaking to Alisha and goes to pick Lori up for their date. They are doing the usual dinner and a movie thing. (Haven't you men heard Paul Brunson the matchmaker say that dinner and movies is a horrible first date? It ranks right up there with chilling at the house. But I digress.)

Keith and Lori have a great dinner, convo is nonstop and flowing, no awkward pauses, and she's even giving major hints that she is really feeling him. He decides that he's gonna see her again, and eventually get her back to his house and into his bed.

The two head to the movies, and Keith gets a text from Alisha that reads, "I miss you." Poor girl has no clue, does she? He turns his phone off so he doesn't feel guilty, and so he can focus on Lori. Obviously, he's determined to get into her cookie box.

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Thursday, September 4, 2014

What should have been an episode of 'Drunk in Love' takes an awkward turn

Posted By on Thu, Sep 4, 2014 at 1:56 PM

At some point during the dating process, the convo or even action of sex is bound to take place.

There are however some things that you have to handle before dropping your drawls and bumping uglies.

Cara and Josh had been dating for about a month. Notice I didn’t say relationship, but they were dating. So it’s safe to assume they are pretty comfortable with each other by now. One night, after a couple hours of drinking, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and Cara is thinking this is the night that Josh is gonna get some. Josh is pretty hype himself about the situation because, unlike some of these men around here, he was OK with waiting for Cara.

Josh and Cara go back to her place for a night cap ( I swear every time I type that I think of Billy Dee Williams and his smooth suave self back in the day and wonder if he used that line, “Would you like to come in for a night cap?”) Anyway, there’s a lot of kissing, rubbing, touching and moaning going on. Josh picks Cara up (chile, he sounds strong don’t he?) and carries her into her bedroom. Luckily, Cara had cleaned her room so she no longer had clothes everywhere. Josh dives downtown and Cara gets weak (I know you are catching my SWV references here).

Now, it’s time to take it up a notch, and Josh has his condom in place, ready to take the plunge. Just as he’s about to enter, Cara screams, “Wait!”

Uh oh. This ain’t bout to be good.

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Thursday, August 28, 2014

The never-ending date with a guy who refused to shower

Posted By on Thu, Aug 28, 2014 at 12:21 PM

If you watch Catfish on MTV, you already know online dating can be scary. This week, I decided to share one of my own online dating experiences gone awry.

Several years ago, I took a chance on Yahoo Personals, and was going back and forth with a guy named Reggie. He was from New York and seemed like he had some sense. He said he owned his own business — basically, he looked good on paper. We instant-messaged each other for a couple of weeks, and then exchanged phone numbers. One day, I get a text that reads: "Hey, I'm traveling on business, and I'll be in your city on Tuesday, I can't wait to meet you."

In hindsight, I realize my response should have been "WTF." But because I thought there was some divine connection, and I was incredibly naive back then, I texted back, "Can't wait, I'll pick you up from the airport!"

I reached out to a couple of friends to roll with me, but no one's available. So I go to the airport alone, only to find, of course, that Reggie looks NOTHING like his pictures. He's still kind of attractive, though, so I keep an open mind.

Immediately, I notice he's only carrying one bag. While I think it's a bit strange, since he's allegedly doing all this traveling, I ignore the blazing red flag.

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Thursday, August 21, 2014

A silent night, from the male perspective

Posted By on Thu, Aug 21, 2014 at 10:46 AM

This week's story comes to us from a male perspective — finally!

The MTV show Catfish has taken dating to a whole other level. You already don't know what you could be getting into when you meet someone out and about in a public setting, but you really have no idea what you are getting into when you meet someone online.

Roy was having not one ounce of luck meeting women in the clubs and bars he was frequenting (shocker), so he decided to try his luck at online dating. After an incident with a chick that only had pictures of herself from the neck up and in person looked like Arnold Schwarzneggar, Roy was about to give up.

Then he came across Dana. Dana was everything he was looking for: pretty, educated, drama-free, no children and had a sense of humor. So, after chatting online for a couple of weeks, the two agree to meet up. Notice I didn't say they talked on the phone. That fact is important later. Stay with me.

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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Pillow Talk's Joanne Spataro chats with Roxy C. Moorecox

Posted By on Thu, Aug 14, 2014 at 11:01 AM

If you're planning to head out to Pride this weekend — scratch that. When you head out to Pride this weekend to revel in the biggest LGBTQ celebration in the Carolinas, look out for Pillow Talk host / CL contributor Joanne Spataro. She'll be emceeing with drag diva Roxy C. Moorecox. Here's Spataro's latest episode of her Web show featuring Roxy and a guest appearance from Clay Smith. (Uh, that would be Roxy's alter ego.)

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