First dates are a time to make an impression. Show off that great personality and sense of humor. Heck, you can even show off your sense of creativity with what you have planned for the date. But just like most of the dates that you guys send in, none of these things seem to matter to anyone anymore.
Let’s just jump into this week’s date-o-drama.
Tyrone met Keisha online. After a few conversations and discovering they both love the Carolina Panthers, Tyrone asks Keisha to go to a game for their first date. Tyrone tells Keisha the tickets were free, so they'd be sitting in the nosebleed section. Hey, a Panthers game is a Panthers game.
So, the two meet up outside the stadium, pleased that they both seem to look like their pictures on their online profiles. Since this took place before the stadium upgrades, they had to hump it up the stairs. When they get to their seats, Tyrone introduces her to his female cousin, her man, and Tyrone’s three kids.
*insert record scratch*
Keisha says she recalled Tyrone’s profile saying he didn’t have any kids, so she was a bit confused as to how this ended up being a family affair. She says she decided to just roll with it, because maybe they bought the tickets all together and maybe, just maybe, he was going to mention the three kids between the ages of 5 and 10.
Maybe. Girl. Bye.
Last week, we discussed sexting and unsolicited naked pictures. This week's dating story has absolutely nothing to do with that. I just wanted to remind you about that post.
Matt meets Helen during a St. Patty's Day bar crawl. While I have never attended a bar crawl, I assume dang near everybody is drunk. Obviously these two were. You know how y'all do when you knock back a few beers and get a lil tipsy — you stick your tongue down folk’s throats and make out like you are in high school.
Helen invites Matt back to her house to get to know each other better. *record scratch* Again, what have I told y'all about taking mofos you don't know to the house? One day, y'all will listen to me.
I think it’s time we turn to the Book of Thou Shall Not Share Thy Private Parts, Chapter Unsolicited Peen and Cookie Box.
These days, the popular trend is to meet someone, text back and forth a few times, and if you're lucky you may even chat on the phone a couple of times before the unthinkable happens: you get a text message with a picture attached. You open it, thinking it's going to be a cute “Thinking About You” message, only to find a picture of your potential bae's peen or vagina.
Now, this can be a good or bad thing. But more often than not, it definitely doesn’t turn out the way you think it will. Ladies hold onto the peen pics to sniggle with their friends about over drinks, while some men use the pics for payback on social media. (Don’t even bother to tell me this can’t happen. I just saw it happen, with a complete detailed account of what it smelled like ... I can’t un-see the things I read and see on Twitter.)
Now, if you are old-school like me, then you probably didn’t even ask for the picture. Hell, you probably barely know each other's last names. What do you do?
Do you continue chatting with them? Do you cut them off? When is it appropriate to even send these kind of pics? Is it ever appropriate to attempt to turn your potential or love interest on with the pics? Have we not learned a thing from the recent celebrity hackings? (Though, I am anxiously waiting to see if any of Idris Elba’s pics leak out. You know, for research purposes.)
Earlier this week, I was a guest on the Right to R.E.A.L. Love podcast, and the topic was "The Naked Truth About Sexting and Naked Pics." Host Jay Mayo along with myself and several other guests tackled this debatable topic. The discussion centers around whether or not women and men have similar thoughts on sexting. Check it out here. (Be warned: It is an hour long episode.)
So, what are your thoughts on sexting? Have you had a good or bad dating experience because of it? Go ahead, shoot an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. We'll keep your identity a secret — just let us know what dating in the Queen City is really like!
Dating in the Queen City can be tricky waters to navigate. So, what better way than to get right in the middle of what’s happening in these dating streets than to attend an open forum on that very topic? Recently I attended Xklusive Convos Charlotte’s Dating Conversation event, held at Silk Lounge. It was a two-hour conversation titled "Dating Naked.”
OK, I admit, I was hoping for some nekkid men walking around, but that didn’t happen. Clearly the topic was meant to strip down the walls we all have built up and get to the heart of the matter and figure out what is going on in the dating world. The event was hosted by certified life and relationship coach Troy Spry and matchmaker Julie Wadley.
Allow me to paint you a picture of the setup. Everyone had to wear a name-tag, and one of the rules was to meet someone new. Now, ask me how many people actually mingled. As with many events in the Queen City, most of the attendees were women, but lo and behold, there were couples in the building. I just about fainted. People on dates! YES! I love it! There were also a handful of single men who probably just didn’t know what to do with themselves with all of the beautiful women in the room.
Now, I’m just going to hit some of the highlights from the evening. The first topic question was an important one. “Why do people fall back instead of putting on their grown folks panties and boxers and making their way across the room to approach someone who has caught their eye?” OK, the question wasn’t worded JUST like that, but you get the point. Obviously, the No. 1 answer from both men and women was fear of rejection. One guy said, "Sometimes you just don’t feel up to par, so you just don’t approach. Maybe you don’t have some things in order in your life and you know this so you just fall back."
Damn, is everyone in Charlotte Un-par-able? I know that’s not a word but you get what I’m saying. Women and men both agreed that it is all in how you approach someone, because you can’t just roll up to someone asking if you can sniff their drawls. Besides, what kind of first impression is that?
Julie brought up a great point by saying that if you know you aren’t up to par, and then you need to work on yourself before you get outchea in these dating streets trying to find bae/boo. Basically, don’t put your burdens, whether it’s financial issues, baby mama/daddy drama, or just reeling from heartache, onto someone else hoping they can fix you. I don’t know about y’all, but I do not have the time nor patience to be trying to fix a grown-ass man.
Unless you are the Virgin Mary or practicing celibacy, abstinence or whatever other bakery closers you want to call it, it's only a matter of time before you get intimate with the person you're dating. Amirite?
Damon and Cindy had been dating for quite some time, and they were in a long-distance relationship. Damon lived in Boone, and Cindy in Charlotte. Oh, and here's a detail you'll need to remember for later: Damon recently had surgery on his wrist, so his arm is all bandaged up in a sling.
On this particular weekend, Damon comes to Charlotte to visit Cindy. This was the first time he was actually going to stay at her house. In the past, he usually stayed at his frat brother's house or in a hotel.
Imagine that: a man not giving an ultimatum about getting the draws the first night and agreeing to WAIT. Allow me to pick my face up off the floor.
Anyhoo, I won't bore you with the details of what went down in the bedroom. We're all adults. The real shit pops off the next morning.
First dates can be awkward enough, but add alcohol and there’s bound to be some truth telling going on. This week’s date is a bit of a "Thriller."
Kerri and Sal met at a mutual friend's party and made plans to go out the following weekend. Kerri decided to make things more comfortable by asking her friends to come along, sort of a triple date.
They all end up at Nikko’s Sushi Bar in South End, which has a nice ambiance , great food and great music. Sal and Kerri aren’t getting to know each other well, since it’s a group date, and Sal, a regular at Nikko’s, keeps leaving the table to chat it up with folks he knows. Every time he leaves the table, Kerri’s friends are being extra nosy, “So, what’s up with you two, are you dating?” or “Are you sure he likes girls?”
We all have friends who plant doubt in the back of our mind, so you start to analyze every movement to see if he’s eyeballing the waiter. Now, Kerri has had several rounds of sake, but she thinks she noticed that he was touching the waiter’s hand a little too long, and that maybe he was looking at the waiter’s crotch, and maybe he was looking at her friend’s boyfriend, too. Uh-oh.
Pay attention to the red flags, ladies and gentleman — I cannot stress that enough! Let's dive right on into this week's dating story, shall we?
Jordan met Elroy (jeezus take the wheel, I wonder if his parents were fans of The Jetsons?!) at the grocery store one day and made plans to meet up at Harper's for dinner the following evening.
Jordan says she never lets the guy pick her up on the first date, and I don't I blame her. Mofos are crazy as hell these days. You can't have a mofo knowing where you live so they can come slash your sheets and bust your tires when they think you seeing someone else. Chile, please. NOBODY has time for any of that drama.
Anyway, she says they met up at Harper’s, and the server seats them in the middle of the restaurant, surrounding by several tables full of women. This ain't bout to end well. I feel it in my soul.
Dating can be awkward, a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Getting to the discussion of sex can often make things even weirder.
Ashley had been seeing Kevin for a few weeks after meeting through mutual friends. The conversation was good, not too many awkward pauses and blank stares, and they actually did things: eating out, bowling, the movies, plus more. I'm impressed just from that.
One night, Kevin invites Ashley over to his house to watch a movie and who knows what else. *side-eye* Ashley says it was cool with her because they had been seeing each other for awhile, and she didn't think he was a crazy person.
When Ashley walks into his house, Kevin offers her a drink. OK, bruh has some manners. She requests vodka; he points to the kitchen and tells her it's in there.
See. Just when I was giving him points, he acts crazy. That woman has never been to his house, she doesn't know where the ish is.
If you can't deliver, then you shouldn't even bother to offer.
Marla met James at a club one night while she was out with her girls. Though she had been drinking, she recalls thinking he was attractive, so she gave him her number when he asked for it.
A couple days later, James asks Marla out to dinner. She tells me she couldn't exactly remember exactly what he looked like, but figured he must be OK since he got the number. Besides, Marla said, why does it matter if he is ugly? At least he followed through and actually called her for a date instead of passing over all the steps in between and heading for the love below. Good point, Marla ... good point.
James and Marla agree to meet up at Olive Garden. When she gets to the restaurant, she sees a cute guy standing at the bar. Thank the lucky stars, he turns around and calls out her name. "Whew!" she's thinking — at least she didn't have to try to figure out if that was him or not.
Because there's a wait for a table, they sit at the bar to chat for a bit. During the entire conversation, Marla notices that he never looks directly at her. It's almost as if he's looking behind her. So what do you do in that situation? Of course, you finally turn around and look behind you to see what's back there. And of course, there's nothing back there.
At some point in a young man's life, he may decide to be a "playa playa from the Himalayas." (Shout out to Martin Lawrence!) This week's story is a great example of just that.
Keith had just moved to the Queen City from Greensboro. He still has unresolved issues that he left behind in the Triad: namely, a woman he was dating named Alisha, who thought they were in a serious relationship. Note that keyword — thought.
Keith, on the other hand, figured since he was in a new city, he could make some new "friends," without Alisha being the wiser. He also considered them to be casually dating, so it didn't matter anyway.
One night at a networking event, Keith meets Lori, and they immediately hit it off. They exchange info and make plans to go out over the weekend. The problem, though, is Keith had planned to go back to Greensboro to take Alisha out. What is a playa to do?!
You can see where this is going. Keith calls Alisha and tells her he has to work and won't be able to drive to Greensboro for the weekend. Just to be safe, he also tells her he's working the overnight shift — meaning, he'll be asleep all day and unreachable by phone.
Alisha decides that she will just have a Snapped marathon on the couch for the weekend. OK, not really, but it sounds good right?!
On Saturday night, Keith has successfully avoided speaking to Alisha and goes to pick Lori up for their date. They are doing the usual dinner and a movie thing. (Haven't you men heard Paul Brunson the matchmaker say that dinner and movies is a horrible first date? It ranks right up there with chilling at the house. But I digress.)
Keith and Lori have a great dinner, convo is nonstop and flowing, no awkward pauses, and she's even giving major hints that she is really feeling him. He decides that he's gonna see her again, and eventually get her back to his house and into his bed.
The two head to the movies, and Keith gets a text from Alisha that reads, "I miss you." Poor girl has no clue, does she? He turns his phone off so he doesn't feel guilty, and so he can focus on Lori. Obviously, he's determined to get into her cookie box.
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