Body acceptance is harder than it should be. We have hundreds of specialized parts working in intricate fashion to do amazing things like dance, perform music, toss a football, swim, do yoga, build blanket forts with our kids, give hugs and make love. Even simple activities like walking, eating and speaking are minor miracles in my book. For the most part, my body works the way I want it to. My body has been good to me, and when my body has suffered, it's usually because of poor choices on my account.
Even people who accept their body often lack the ability to praise and celebrate it. How can we when we are constantly sold an impossible ideal? If we loved our bodies as is, think of how many companies would go out of business. And I'm not just speaking about women or those who are overweight. Everyone struggles to love their body. I know some stunningly attractive people who obsess about their perceived imperfections. Sometimes I think that the closer someone is to being perfect, the more they focus on the things they don't like. I am so far from perfect that it would take all of my time and energy to get anywhere near the American ideal for a woman - and I mean every waking moment and every ounce of energy. It would consume my life. I try to eat right and exercise, but there are only so many hours in the day. My motto is "I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable."
Editor's note: This is the first part in an ongoing series by CL's newest sex and love blogger, the Charlotte Harlot.
I admit it. I use sex to self-soothe. I broke up with my live-in boyfriend a while back and have been keeping myself busy by taking on a few lovers. I'm not looking to replace him. Hell, at this point I would swear off men completely if not for the fact that I love to fuck. Dildos and porn don't do it for me. I need a living, breathing man. I need someone to say my name, pull my hair and spank my ass. Thankfully, men are easy to come by.
Before this break-up I was a serial monogamist. Since high school, I have been in one relationship after another. It's nice to have someone to lay around with on Sunday afternoons, complain to about your lame job, and make you soup when you get a cold. But I am tired of traversing the relationship roadmap. They have all led to the same destination: heartache. I like men, but, apparently, I suck at relationships. So I'm taking a break and "doing me," as they say. I'm trying to get in shape, get my finances in order, and get used to being alone.
In some ways, Emily Southwood was living a modern-day fairytale. She had just finished her MFA degree and was packing her things to move in with her fiancé, Robbie, in L.A. Then she received a call that changed everything. Robbie landed a job filming a reality show about porn stars.
At first, Southwood, who considered herself a sexually liberated and progressive minded woman, thought she could handle her fiancé's job assignment. However, she quickly realized how messy love could be when she spent her days at home, searching for jobs and planning a wedding while Robbie dodged body fluids on porn sets and scouted locations at all-inclusive sex resorts.
Although the experience jeopardized her relationship, it also gave her an idea. Just as Robbie had used porn to build his professional credits, Southwood would use the experience to launch her literary career. The resulting memoir, Prude, tells the story of a young couple forced to reexamine their notions of sex and love through the lens of the adult industry.
Humans tend to fetishize what a society considers taboo or forbidden. Some theories suggest that the more egalitarian a society is, the more men in such a culture fetishize the degradation of women. That is, the less power men exercise over women in society, the more they seek to control and dominate women during sex. What do you think the prevalence of "degrading" porn says about the society that consumes it?
That theory is in line with some of what has been said about Fifty Shades of Grey - women crave submission in the bedroom as a release from juggling jobs and households. They want to relinquish control and focus on a nice spanking from a rich, handsome, sadomasochist CEO for a wee bit. Perhaps.
I identify with the theory that our brains become immune to what we are seeing and increasingly crave greater stimuli. Porn today certainly seems like a reflection of being desensitized to graphic visuals. First it takes you half a beer to get a buzz, then eventually you need five. A lot of mainstream porn today is definitely a five-beer buzz. Maybe even a three-day bender.
- "At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and, at current rates, one in 10 women will have an abortion by age 20, one in four by age 30 and three in 10 by age 45."
Source: Guttmacher Institute
Until this year, although I knew the statistics, I didn't know anyone who had an abortion. Even though I have training in human sexuality, am known to have liberal social views, and support women's rights, no one has confided in me. Yet, I likely know many, many women who have had an abortion. For something so common, it is something we don't talk about.
There's no product I'd rather watch an hour-long infomercial for than Pink Diamond's "Double Ball/Dildo."
I can only imagine how this sex toy/exercise machine was conceived. Was the inventor inspired by a co-worker bouncing on the exercise ball she used as an office chair? Did he find his muse in a naked adult using a child's bounce ball? Or, did he simply see a woman in yoga pants grinding an exercise ball in his pilates class?
The Double Ball/Dildo is built to support up to 330 pounds of bouncing sexiness. Handles are provided so the user doesn't have to grip the ball with just her thighs like an overconfident sorority girl in a mechanical bull-riding contest. Of all the versatile things one can do with this sex machine - namely pounding vaginal and anal penetration - perhaps the most unique idea is described by Pink Diamond as follows:
"Couples can introduce the double bouncing dildo into sexplay as an interesting third party. She/he can experience double penetration without the presence of a second male/Female partner."
Pink Diamond has yet to release any "instructional" pictures or videos, nor are there any detailed exercise routines to help users get the most bang from their sexercise routines. However, there is some chatter on Twitter that Filly Films may feature these balls in an upcoming scene. Hopefully the video will help illuminate the debate as to whether these balls are actually pleasurable or if they fall flat.
To read more of Shawn Alff's writing, visit CL's sister paper in Tampa. You can also reach him on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or email him here.
Therapy is for the brave. Baring your soul to a stranger is not for the faint of heart. Sex therapy is often an even more emotionally vulnerable experience. Many people turn to sex therapy precisely because their urges, fantasies, or behaviors are so shameful that they can't bear to confide in their friends, family or partner. Now imagine putting all of that confusion and hurt on public display.
Chris Donaghue, sex therapist and host of Logo TV's Bad Sex, says his goal is to release people from the shame they experience. He gets emails from fans all over the world who respond to his pro-sex stance and long for his anti-shame message. Although he began his career as an addictions counselor, he says it never felt like a good fit. Sex addiction counselors are trained in addictions, but not sex. He believes the sex addiction model is "horribly shaming" and based not on health but on value judgments.
PFLAG Gaston has grown from a handful of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays to a dynamic group of activists engaging their community. Founded in 2009 by Amy Sifford and Robert Kellogg, the group is now a visible participant in community events, such as the Downtown Gastonia Zombie Walk and Food Drive, Run for the Money and Taste of Gaston. A recent summer picnic sponsored by the group at Stowe Park in Belmont drew over 40 attendees, perhaps due to the appearance of Fortune Feimster. Feimster is a Belmont native who now lives in L.A. doing comedy and regularly appearing on Chelsea Lately. Feimster's mom Ginger is the current PFLAG Gaston president.
To fulfill its mission to spread education, support and understanding, PFLAG Gaston has been intentional about reaching out to local churches, the media and the health department. It has also supported the development of gay-straight alliances at area schools; there are GSA's at Highland School of Technology, Forest View High School, South Point High School and Gaston College. Creating and maintaining a safe learning environment for LGBT youth is just one of the issues that members are passionate about.
In an effort to inform and educate on trans issues, PFLAG Gaston invited Janice Covington to speak at their next meeting, which is Nov. 21 at 7 p.m. at St. Mark's Episcopal Church, 258 W. Franklin Blvd., Gastonia. Janice is a well-respected activist in the Charlotte area. She was honored with this year's Harvey Milk Award at Charlotte Pride for her work raising awareness of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and her election as North Carolina's first openly transgender person to represent the state at the Democratic National Convention.
Some people quietly complain about injustices and wait for someone else to make things right. Not Janice. She makes people pay attention to what's wrong in the world. I recently spoke with this self-described "radical." (This transcript has been edited for brevity and clarity.)
"It's going to be trashy." That was the description a small group of 30-something women gave me when I asked them how that night's SuicideGirls Blackheart Burlesque was going to compare to the Dita Von Teese show I had seen at the same location, The Fillmore, a month prior. The talkative one predicted that the SG show was going to be "totally different - they get completely naked and make out with each other." She leaned in a little closer to me, "They're a big deal with lesbians."
Judging from the crowd, the SuicideGirls appeal to plenty of heterosexual men too - and not just the pierced and inked guys. Everybody has their fantasy girl and for some, it's a small-chested 22-year-old with neon green pig-tails and a tattoo of the Millennium Falcon on her thigh.
In the interest of pseudo-scientific research, I created an online dating profile for an attractive woman who was looking for nothing more than a good time. The response was overwhelming. I tried to return the emails as they came in but it became too time-consuming. In less than five hours, I received emails from 100 local men anxious to meet this brunette beauty. The sheer speed at which the response came was laughable.
I created the fake profile based on a few simple tips from the pros:
1. The pictures should be flattering, but realistic
2. Keep the biography portion short and light-hearted
3. Keep your interests generic and vague
4. Be fun and positive
Does the world need another hook-up app? Peter Simmons thinks so. This week, his Raleigh-based startup launched Catalyst - "the social network that goes out with you."
Catalyst attempts to set itself apart from other location-based social apps by touting its unique features. First, unlike other apps that identify users by general locations or within a certain radius, Catalyst users will check-in to a precise location. Instead of just knowing who is in Uptown on Saturday night, or even who is at the Epicenter, you can know exactly who is in the same bar or club as you are. Second, the app protects privacy by only disclosing mutual "likes." The hottie at the bar won't know you've got your eye on him unless he's likewise fond of you. From there, it's up to the two of you to make the connection. Third, selfies aren't original, but Catalyst hopes that a daily prompt to take a selfie will assure users that the user profiles and pictures on the app are real and recent.