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Bizarre crimes from the Charlotte police files 

Blazin': An employee at a local gas station called police after witnessing a man shoplift from his store. He told officers the man grabbed a case containing 50 Bic lighters and ran off with it. He's obviously on the way to some sort of concert.

Two Birds, One Stone: A 19-year-old male told police that his house was vandalized while he was in it. He stated that he was standing in his bedroom when a rock came sailing through his window, also hitting the mirror and smashing it. Damn, that sucks. Not only do you have to pay for a new window, you have lengthy run of bad luck on your hands.

Dog Napper: A 30-year-old woman called police to report that her dog had been stolen. She told officers that she was asleep on her couch early in the morning when an unknown suspect attempted to kick her door in. She then fled the house and called 911. When she returned, the door was kicked in and her Chihuahua was missing. If you ever find that dog, it will never look at you the same way again for saving only yourself. Just selfish, that's what that is.

Never Scared: A 26-year-old woman filed a police report after being threatened by her comically inept boyfriend. The man stated during multiple texts and calls, "You stupid bitch, give me your address. Do everybody a favor and go cut yourself." After being told not to call back, the suspect stated, "OK, sounds good. You don't scare me, you stupid bitch. Would you like my address so that it can make the police report easier, cunt?" Well, I have your address and number here, and oh, how I wish I could publish it.

Amnesia: A 21-year-old man called police after his debit card was stolen by someone who used to be a friend. He told police that he was sitting in the car with the suspect, and when he stepped out for a minute, the suspect stole the card and walked off. Now, every time he calls the suspect, he pretends as if he has no idea who the victim is. Hey, this system works for my bill collectors, why not the victim of a crime you carried out?

Poor Lady: A 74-year-old woman told police that she was threatened by an unknown suspect over the phone. She told officers that the man called and stated, "I am going to come by and sit outside your house and then I am going to kill you and everyone else." At least he knows how to enjoy the view first. What can a woman in her mid-70s do to make someone so mad, these people rarely leave their houses.

See Ya Soon: A 27-year-old woman filed a police report after being threatened by a known suspect. The suspect called her and stated, "I will see you in Charlotte this weekend with a pistol." You idiot – you just ruined the surprise!

Teach Me: An employee at Allenbrook Elementary School called police after witnessing a juvenile breaking a window to the school and attempting to climb in. All I know is that when I was that age, I was trying to break out of school.

Holla!: A 38-year-old man told police he was threatened by a known suspect, who may or may not intend to do harm. The victim told police he has received three calls from the suspect, and during one he stated, "I am coming over there to holler at you." During the next call the suspect stated, "You will see when I get there." This could truly mean absolutely anything.

Good Grammar: A 32-year-old woman filed a police report after she was threatened at her apartment. She told officers that the suspect came to her apartment and stated, "In seven days I am going to shoot you and your apartment up." At least it seems this criminal paid attention in English class. The suspect also stated, "I am going to shoot you up if you don't get my stuff back."

Doin' Favors: A 61-year-old woman called police to report her car stolen ... kind of. The woman told police that she let the suspect borrow her car about two months ago and it has not been returned. She has realized that during the time the car has been out of her possession, several parking violations have been racked up for said car. Yeah, I would say it's about time to ask for the vehicle back now.

Threat of the Week: A 29-year-old woman called police after her children's father made some disturbing threats during a phone call. The woman told police the man called and said, "I don't care about my daughters. I have no problem putting a bullet to their heads and then one in mine. I am going to be there at 5:00 and I don't care who is there. I will be armed and I can take you and your friend out." I think 5 p.m. might be a good time for a trip to the park or something.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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