Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Sept. 29) 

Not Lovin' It Police responded to a McDonald's on E. W.T. Harris Boulevard last week after a man's drive-thru wait became too long for him to handle. Police arrived at the restaurant to find a man passed out in the driver's seat of his vehicle, which was parked in the drive-thru line. Usually this happens only after you eat McDonald's food.

Happy To See Me A man in South End last week walked into a Circle K and immediately started shoving the most phallic foodstuff he could find down the front of his pants. An employee told police that the suspect was wearing sweatpants and concealed a can of Pringles, a "Big Mama" sausage and a stick of beef jerky down the front of the pants before walking out the front door looking very excited.

Antiquing A 32-year-old man in west Charlotte had his home broken into and his shotgun stolen last week, but the thief will be in for a surprise if they ever try to shoot the gun. The victim told officers that the burglar took a 100-piece socket set, 100 shotgun shells and a shotgun, although the gun itself is an antique and hasn't functioned for decades.

No Tip Employees at an Applebee's in the University area got the runaround from a pair of cheap customers last week who seemed offended that anyone would even ask them to pay for their meal. The employees told officers that the suspects ate $42 worth of food and then left the restaurant without paying. One employee followed the suspects outside and when it became clear that they weren't planning to turn around, they started taking pictures. One suspect said, "Don't take fucking pictures of me, I will fucking kill you." When the employee began taking pictures of the license plate, the suspect reached into the backseat of their vehicle, scaring the employee back inside. The suspect chased them back inside, and the employee had to run through the kitchen to get away.

My Good Name An elderly couple living in south Charlotte filed a police report after realizing that someone had used their identities to apply for a credit card with a local bank, but seemed to be more concerned with why that application would have been denied than with the crime itself. The 76-year-old woman filed the report, and rather than list who she thought may be responsible or any other information that might help the case get solved, she was sure to list in the report that the suspect used her middle name instead of her first name in the application, and she believes that's the only reason this fake person wasn't approved for the card.

Drop Zone Employees at Carowinds filed a police report last week after an amateur spy had to 'fess up to his sneaky behavior. Employees walking the grounds at the amusement park found a drone lying on the ground where it had apparently crashed. Management told police that the drone's owner had already contacted them at an earlier date saying the drone had crashed in the park and to be on the lookout for it. Next time you're at the highest point of The Fury, look around to see if the neighbors are watching.

Back for More In another example of how video technology is changing the way crimes are committed and prevented, a disgruntled employee of a south Charlotte skin care studio was caught red-handed by her former boss thanks to app surveillance last week. The studio's owner told police she was alerted through her phone one afternoon that someone had opened the door to her business, despite it being closed for the day. She logged in to an app that showed her feeds from surveillance cameras in the studio, and saw a former employee stuffing $250 worth of Botox into her purse. The owner was able to reach the business before she left, and the would-be thief returned all the Botox and fled the scene.

Easy as ABC Staff at the West Boulevard Library called police last week after the building was damaged by suspects who may have just been learning how to read and spell the hard way. The reporting person told officers that the vandal(s) did $700 in damage when they removed the large metal letters from the outside of the business and walked off with them.

Car Trouble While protesters shutting down the roadways were all over the news in Charlotte last week, one man who shut down traffic further down Brookshire Boulevard didn't make CNN, but left his mark nonetheless. Police responded to an intersection on Brookshire after calls came in about a man acting erratically and walking in the roadway to impede traffic. When they arrived, officers were able to speak to the man for a moment, but then he suddenly darted back into the road and began smacking the windows of a car. Officers dragged the man off the road, but he didn't go down without a fight. He allegedly kicked the two officers, grabbed the groin area of both men and bit one of them while they were trying to handcuff him.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.