Mobile
Page 5 of 5
What are you going to invent one day?
I actually have some inventions in mind, but I'm not going to disclose them here. I've worked on patents before. They're fashion-related.
What's your stripper name?
Fluffy Venetian.
What's your favorite term for making whoopy?
Bow-chicka-bow-wow.
If you could ask me one question what would it be?
What do the magazine and you personally consider hot?
I try to get a diverse group of people, because even Angus (the photographer) and I disagree on which people are hot.
Names: Jimmy and Jason
Profession: co-owner of Penguin and Kitchen manager
These Penguins could only be hotter if they were actually penguins (or if the other co-owner, Brian, had made it down in time for the photo shoot).
What do you lust after?
Jason: A fine sense of style and a nice pair of high heels.
What's the worst pick up line you heard?
Jason: Let's see where this 12-pack takes us.
Is there a shortcut into your pants?
Jason: Three Coronas.
Do people ever try to look at your underwear?
Jimmy: They probably see mine because it sticks out.
Jason: Not this week.
But last week?
Jason: Yes, last week on a first date. She was looking, so I just showed them to her. They had little ghosts on them.
Have you ever seen a real ghost?
Jimmy: I have. A gargoyle. At the old Bang Bang Salon.
What did it look like?
Jimmy: It looked like a gargoyle. Indescribable.
Were you scared?
Jimmy: Yeah!
What's the scariest thing you can think of?
Jason: Going down on an ocean liner. I can't swim.
Do you ride on ocean liners often?
Jason: No, never.
What are you going to invent one day?
Jason: The last thing I invented was the solar-powered streetlight.
You actually invented it?
Jason: No, but I thought about it.
What's your stripper name?
Jason: Albino Johnson. That's my cowboy name.
You have a cowboy name?
Jason: All of us do.
What's your pet peeve?
Jason: Messiness.
Jimmy: Stupidity.
Do you know where the expression pet peeve came from?
Jason: I've never seen a pet peeve at Petsmart, so no.
How much money would you pay to go into outer space?
Jimmy: A hundred bucks
Jason: Sixty bucks.
Of the following three people, pick one you would have sex with, one you would marry and one you would throw off a cliff: Oprah, Paris, Medusa.
Jason: I would sleep with Medusa. Obviously, she could turn me into stone, which would be a good plus for the sex, and then she's got all those extra heads there, too, which could be used for some benefit. Marry Paris. And then I would throw Oprah as far as humanly possible.
What's you favorite term for making whoopy?
Jason: I usually don't waste time talking about it.
Name: Kim
Profession: Uptown Cabaret doorperson
Yes, we said no strippers, but Kim does everything at this strip club but strip. She works the door, bartends and waitresses.
Why do people lust after you?
Because I'm fun, loving and cute.
Do people ever try to look at your underwear?
Yeah. You know how you sit down and your underwear shows through the back of your pants? That happens.
What's the worst pick-up line you've ever heard?
You get a lot here. I usually blow them off when they give me bad ones. People come up with cheesy stuff. I can't think of a good one. (Points to a customer named Clay who walks by.) He had a really bad one. He said, "Bend over and pretend like you're picking up a beer."
What did you say back?
Fuck you, Clay.
How much money would you pay to go to outer space?
$1,000.
How much money would it take to get to second base?
I can't be bought.
A nearby stripper: I can. I ain't gonna lie.
How much do your most expensive jeans cost?
$200.
What do you think about NASCAR?
Rednecks.
Would you save George Bush from a burning house fire if he were screaming out your name for help?
Of course. I would save anyone.
Tell us a joke.
How did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box? She sat on Pinocchio's nose and said, "Lie to me, baby, lie to me."
What's your pet peeve?
Guys leaving hair in the sink from shaving.
What's the scariest thing you can think of?
Snakes and spiders.
Have you ever been skinny-dipping?
Yes, many times.
Could you say it's your hobby?
You could say that.
If you could ask me one question, what would it be?
How did you come up with these questions?
Speaking of 1.96000
-
Pre-emptive Strike
Jul 5, 2006 - More »
Latest in Cover
More by Jared Neumark
-
Best of The Blotter 2007
Nov 28, 2007 -
Preaching and drinking
Mar 7, 2007 -
Preaching and Drinking
Dec 27, 2006 - More »
Calendar
-
Coach Conroy's All Sports Camp @ Waxhaw Recreation Barn
- Tue., June 24, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Wed., June 25, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Thu., June 26, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Mon., July 14, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Tue., July 15, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Wed., July 16, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Thu., July 17, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Mon., July 28, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Tue., July 29, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Wed., July 30, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. and Thu., July 31, 9 a.m.-3 p.m.
-
-
Queen Charlotte Fair @ Route 29 Pavilion
- Mondays-Sundays. Continues through July 5
-
-
Coveted Luxury Watches
- Mondays-Fridays, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. Continues through Dec. 30
-
-
AllMachines
- Through Dec. 30, 12-9 p.m.
-
-
AllMachines - Raymond Forklift
- Through Dec. 30, 12-5 p.m.
-
-
The Year of the F-word
Cheney, Kerry and others bring the ultimate "4-letter word" to the fore
-
The Story of Haylo, Time Capsule Tattoos and My Big Mouth 1
Time stamp
-
Billy Graham & the Chamber of Secrets 3
My satirical trip through BillyWorld's hidden exhibits
