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the tent life: Sex in a Tent: A Wild Couple's Guide to Getting Naughty in Nature, by Michelle Waitzman. Ready to get busy but kind of self-conscious about those thin cloth walls? Author Waitzman offers hints, tricks, advice, lots of personal tales, and sure-fire techniques and positions for your, um, outdoor adventure.
Nature Calls: How to Shit in the Woods, by Kathleen Meyer. Just because you can't use the courthouse bathrooms, that doesn't mean you're up Shit Creek. Meyer's book is a camper's classic that's fun to read and tells you all about "eco-friendly outdoor elimination options," including increasingly popular "packing-it-out" techniques, first created to help protect sensitive environments, like, say, a courthouse lawn.
What Next?: What is to be Done?, by V.I. Lenin / What Then Shall We Do?, by Leo Tolstoy. At some point, Occupiers will probably be cleared from the courthouse property, and then people will really start asking you what the hell you're gonna do. Two famously influential men faced similar conundrums at different times in Russia, and offered strikingly different answers. What, you think I'm going to tell you? Read the damn books.
— John Grooms
ONLINE
the OccupyCLT G.A. website: www.occupyclt.org. Instead of spending hours at Occupy Charlotte's General Assembly meetings learning the inner workings of the movement, at OccupyCLT.org you can read about the G.A.'s past votes, find out about working groups and literally not contribute a thing while staying informed enough to refer to yourself as an Occupier to your buddies at the water cooler.
Twitter: www.twitter.com; #OccupyCLT. Bicker with the Tea Party like it's 2009 all in one convenient public place crawling with media. Oh, and make sure you hashtag your tweets with #OccupyCLT. Remember, kids, there's nothing TV reporters love more than a nasty #twitterfight or out-of-context tweet to support a preconceived blanket statement for the evening news.
Americans Elect: www.americanselect.org. Even though it's not Occupy-related, there's nothing more 99 percent than Americans Elect. Anyone can register and become a delegate, making occupying a leadership position in our government a real possibility. Not that any citizen couldn't already campaign to do the same thing — if they're rich!
Facebook: www.facebook.com/OccupyCharlotteHQ. Has the G.A. excommunicated you after accusing you of trying to "own" the Facebook page? Can't stand all the other interest groups trying to co-opt the movement? Who cares?! Occupy your own keyboard and Internet connection to make your own Facebook page without having to fuss with all of that consensus business.
CL's Ustream: www.ustream.tv/user/clclt/videos. The revolution may not be televised, but it is on the Internet live and in color. Hear stories from the actual Occupiers who are given all the time they need to support their statements. No other Charlotte media outlet is doing truly live coverage of marches like this. Bitches!
— Desiree Kane
SEX
condoms: Unless you're trying to add to the 99 percent, you need to be occupying condoms (see photo) in those tents set up at Old City Hall, fellows. It may feel good without one, but contracting a sexually transmitted disease will only add to the cost of health care. And if the GOP has its way, President Obama's federal health care plan won't be an option.
strip clubs: That woman on the pole is a part of the 99 percent, so tip her well. Times are hard out there, and dropping it like it's hot is the only way some people can repay that student loan. Making it rain on a stripper is adding to the economy, and what better place to have a sit-in? While you're sitting, you can also get a lap dance.
the Dominatrix's dungeon: You've been bad, really bad. You took a job at Bank of America, you made lots of money, you speed by the Occupy site and don't even honk your horn. You deserve to be punished. Time to go see Dr. Dominatrix. She'll whip you into submission, like those sub-prime mortgage rates did the middle class. Then she'll make you lick her boots until you feel like one of those people who can't get loans from the banks their tax dollars bailed out.
sex shops: Small businesses provide jobs for many Americans, and if you take a trip down Wilkinson Boulevard, there are several small sex shops that need occupation. Buying that dildo or anal plug isn't just a way to pleasure yourself — you're also helping a shop owner screw The Man. Buy some sexy lingerie so you can return from your protest and be a sexy beast.
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