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No. 2 Pencil: A woman was rushed to the hospital after attempting suicide last week. The reporting person stated that she tried to kill herself ingesting several pencils and an entire bottle of hairspray.
Damaged Goods: A 29-year-old man called police after being involved in a domestic dispute. He told officers he was arguing with his wife when things got physical. The woman threw a chair at her husband, striking him in the face and chest. She then grabbed onto his testicles "with great force." This man will never be able to look at a chair again without being traumatized — not to mention what it will feel like to sit down in one for the next couple of months.
Piss Drunk: A police officer arrested a man in the NoDa area after he couldn't hold it in any longer. The officer came across a woman and her two friends at an intersection and escorted them to their vehicle. When they arrived at the car, the only male in the group stood in plain view of the officer and an unrelated female pedestrian, unzipped his pants and began urinating all over the place. He was then placed under arrest and transported to jail, where I'm sure he proceeded to take a dump in the corner of his cell.
Wild Ride: A 47-year-old man called police after being almost killed twice by a man during a road rage incident. He told officers the suspect cut him off and after hearing the victim beep his horn, pulled a gun out and started pointing it at him. The victim, being the good decision maker that he is, got out of his car at the next light and jumped on the hood of the suspect's car. The suspect sped off, forcing the man to hang on to the hood, and then hit the brakes, throwing him off the car. Yes, you were forced to hang on, but you sure as hell weren't forced to get on in the first place.
Hero: Police responded to an attempted break-in after a woman called saying someone was trying to kick in her door. When police arrived, they found a man beating against the side door of the house with a rake handle. When they told him to stop, he yelled, "You've got the wrong guy. I'm a firefighter, and someone is trapped in that house." The suspect then dropped to the ground and was detained. He was clearly intoxicated and demanded to know why they weren't saving the person in the house. Witnesses told police the man approached the house and identified himself as a firefighter before starting to throw rocks through the windows. The 19-year-old told police he left a concert and was walking around until he heard screaming and tried to save the woman inside. Police believed while questioning him that he acted as if he was under the influence of a narcotic. And you know what? I think I agree with the cops.
Now Steal This
Dangling Bait: A woman called police after someone stole some items from her purse on a trip to visit her husband. She said that she was visiting her man at the Carolina Rehabilitation Center when someone stole 206 OxyContin pills from her purse, along with her wallet. That's like hiring Miley Cyrus to be the new host of To Catch a Predator. Leave the ridiculous amount of pills at home next time.
Just Plain Weird: Police were called to a local Walmart after catching a man attempting to shoplift a variety of items. The man was caught trying to leave the store with pork chitlins, Robitussin cough syrup, a magazine, Mickey Mouse underwear, a training bra, fake eyelashes, a kit for doing your nails, another bra, an Usher CD, little girl panties, earrings, a Mickey Mouse scarf, girl's blue jeans, a fleece, Mariah Carey perfume, boy's clothing and a girl's jacket. He's getting a head start on next Halloween; looks like he's planning to dress as a Southern, child-molesting, cross-dressing prostitute with a cold.
Cheesy Criminals: A 19-year-old Hungry Howie's employee called police after he was robbed during a delivery. He told officers that two men approached him as he exited his vehicle and began punching him in the face. The men grabbed the pizza and ran off. Wow. You risk going to prison just so you can take a damned pizza?
Hide Among Them: A woman was arrested after she stole alcohol from a grocery store. Witnesses told police that the woman was perusing the wine section at the store and picked out one she liked. She then sat on the floor and popped the cork. After finishing the entire bottle (Where was the staff this whole time?), she placed it back on the counter and attempted to leave without paying for her consumed wine. Would it have been OK if she had paid for the consumed wine? That's the real question here.
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Calendar
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Coach Conroy's All Sports Camp @ Chestnut Square Park
- Wed., June 18, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Thu., June 19, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Mon., July 7, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Tue., July 8, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Wed., July 9, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Thu., July 10, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Mon., July 21, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Tue., July 22, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Wed., July 23, 9 a.m.-12 p.m. and Thu., July 24, 9 a.m.-12 p.m.
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Fred Armisen: Comedy For Musicians But Everyone Is Welcome @ N.C. Music Factory- Wed., June 18, 7 p.m.
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Coveted Luxury Watches
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AllMachines
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AllMachines - Raymond Forklift
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State of the Country
When Martina McBride comes to town, will she face a crowd of left-leaning Big & Riches or right-wing Clint Blacks?
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Summer Happenings
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The Father of Cyborgs
Dr. Philip Kennedy has linked man to machine. The possibilities are fascinating and frightening.
