Mobile
Page 4 of 5
Coming to terms
For many gays and lesbians, the most hurtful anti-homosexual rhetoric comes not from the mouths of politicians, but from the people charged with ministering to their souls.
The youngest of eight children, Williams grew up in South Carolina in the "type of church where you got the hell-fire-and-brimstone type of thing." It also was the type of church that preached homosexuality is an abomination, and gays are going to hell.
When he moved to Charlotte in the mid- to late-80s, he left that church behind — and not just geographically. But before long, he yearned for the spiritual comfort of church. He began attending services, listening to sermons at churches that weren't necessarily accepting of gays. He even joined one. "I needed that back in my life," he said, simply.
Williams began to wash himself of others' condemnation. It was one step toward finding acceptance within himself.
"I had gotten to the point where I wondered if I was worthy of God's love," Williams said. "Every night, I prayed, 'Lord, if this is not what you want for me, remove it. I knew it wasn't my choice to be gay, but I wasn't sure it wasn't going to condemn me to hell."
That included coming to terms with family members who love and accept Williams and his partner but still, he suspects, are uncomfortable with the subject. One sister admitted she believed homosexuality isn't a choice but said it wasn't something that had to be acted upon. "That is still something the family does not talk about," Williams said. "I suspect they are concerned about....where I am going."
Turner, too, said at least one family member had trouble accepting her homosexuality. She was 40 years old before she gave up denying she was a lesbian — more than 30 years after she knew she was attracted to girls. While most loved ones were fine when she came out, she suspects the reason her older brother no longer talks to her is because of her sexuality. Others at St. Luke's Lutheran Church receive her kindly, though some don't seem to grasp that the woman sitting beside her on Sundays is more than a good friend, she said.
About the time Mayes came out, at 33, he left his youth minister job, both because he wanted more free time to explore who he was and because he didn't want to cause trouble for the church.
"It probably would have become a pretty big issue, and I didn't want to go through that," he wrote in an account of that time. "I was having enough difficulty coming to my own self-acceptance not to have to worry what 2,500 members of the church were going to think."
Ultimately, what leads some gay and lesbian Christians to accept their sexuality is the one aspect of religious life that others might believe is most at odds with it. By reading the Bible and related scriptural interpretations, some say they learn to see the passages in a different light. Mayes, for instance, now views Biblical scripture more as a storybook and less as a written code.
"That is not to belittle it in any way," Mayes wrote. "I think that that is really making it more powerful. It is the writing down of God's people searching for God."
These gay and lesbian Christians know from examining themselves that they are OK.
"If there were a way for God to change me, that prayer would have been answered," Turner said emphatically, with teary eyes.
"For me, I came to realize that being gay was not something against God," Mayes says. "I know (being gay) was not a choice of mine."
Gradually, Williams said, he began to realize that "God loves me, no matter what."
"He didn't make any mistakes," he said. "I've prayed about it, and I believe in prayer. I believe that if He didn't want it, He would remove it."
So when a preacher whose church he once attended kept urging him to join the ministry, Williams no longer felt he had to hide.
"I said, 'Reverend, there's a part of my life I haven't told you about."
The pastor's response floored him.
"He said, 'You know, and I know, there are a lot of gay ministers in the pulpit...It's not a sin to be gay, but it's a sin to act on it.'"
That answer was no longer good enough.
Speaking of News_.html, 5.00000
-
A Family Affair
Dec 12, 2007 -
Darrell Roach
Dec 12, 2007 -
Body Talk
Dec 12, 2007 - More »
Latest in Cover
More by Karen Shugart
-
Mecklenburg and beyond ...
Feb 10, 2009 -
Mecklenburg and beyond ...
Feb 9, 2009 -
Mecklenburg and beyond ...
Feb 6, 2009 - More »
Calendar
-
St. Stephen Treasure Sale @ St. Stephen United Methodist Church
-
Improv Game Night @ CATCh
-
Tantra Speed Date® - Charlotte! Meet Singles Speed Dating @ YogaSix Ballantyne
-
Coveted Luxury Watches
- Mondays-Fridays, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. Continues through Dec. 30
-
-
AllMachines - Forklifts
- Through Dec. 30, 12-6 p.m.
-
-
Summer Guide 2002
In Search of Cool
-
Fall Books
NC Lit Talent On ParadeCL Carolina Writers Night brings McCorkle, Gurganus and more
-
Orkin Under Siege
Southeast's "termite belt" crawling with fraud lawsuits
