Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Attack of the killer Jamaican tampons

Posted By on Wed, Apr 13, 2011 at 12:56 PM

As mentioned in a previous blog post, I recently went to Jamaica for a documentary on Bob Marley's family and Marley Coffee.

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Being a frequent flyer, I have my packing down to a science. To avoid extra fees and the loss of control over my belongings, I only take two carry-ons: a rollerbag and an expandable book bag. I guess I just don't like to carry a lot of baggage in any aspect of life.

I had to fly to Jamiaca by way of Indianapolis, following a fundraising event for Shane Hmiel. So I fit two weeks of luggage, for dramatically different climates, into a carry-on. I always knew that playing Tetris for hours on end as a child would pay off.

However, somewhere on my layover in Miami, in the time that I handed my rollerbag to the flight attendant in the breezeway of the airplane to the time we landed in Kingston, my bag went MIA. American Airlines lost my carry-on bag. My CARRY-ON, that was already on the plane! That takes effort — they had to physically take it off the plane and misplace it in order to lose it.

"Soon come," everyone told me in Jamaica. "No worries, your bag soon come."

Day 2 of not having my bags, I'm still wearing the clothes I'd worn in Indy where it was snowing (it was 100 degrees in Jamaica), a sweat-soaked bra, and hand-washed thongs. I had to go to the Catch-A-Fire boutique at the Marley Museum and buy a dress ... a dress with a picture of Bob Marley smoking a joint on the front of it. As I was changing, I noticed that while my bags never came, my period still did. And all my tampons were stashed away in my missing carry-on bag.

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I had to get a native to take me through Kingston in search of tampons. We went to a little local store and all they had were foreign brand tampons.

With only two other options: shoving TP into my dirty panties, or ruining the only clothes I had to wear, I bought the Jamaican brand of tampons that were one size fits all ... super.

I screamed when I inserted it. A loud scream of physical pain, worse than losing my virginity. That thing made the American super tampon look like a drinking straw. It was massive, and I'm pretty sure I ripped something. Let's just say that when my bags did finally came, three days after I got to Jamaica, I was the happiest to get the normal sized tampons.

I of all people in particular enjoy sampling cultures; I think I get off on culture shock even. But ladies, tampons are an exception to this rule. Always pack some when traveling internationally. Always. Take my word for it, I feel like I got raped by cotton. I mean, how big are the guys in Jamaica that the women need tampons that big?

In the meantime check out my girl Christina with Wealth TV.

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