Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Why you really can't find a good man

Posted By on Tue, May 31, 2011 at 2:53 PM

"There are no good men left."

That's a statement I'm hearing come out of women's mouths a lot lately. In fact, too much.

Well, I hate to break it to you, ladies, but that's just a lie you're telling yourself to justify your single status.

Truth be told, good men aren't as rare as a unicorn. They're not mythical creatures that only live in a far away land. They do exist! Perhaps just not on your radar.

Have you ever stopped to wonder why other women are finding them, and you're not?

Maybe because you're not giving them a chance. You're skipping over genuinely good guys — the men truly worth marrying — because in your mind, they check the wrong box on their government forms.

Admit it. Most women have a "type" (aka "list"): Tall, handsome, successful, funny, well-groomed, educated, worldly, good with kids, must love dogs, went to a good school, has a good job, etc., etc., — ultimately, he looks good on and off paper. Not to mention he typically fits within a certain socio-economic and cultural clique. I know women with lists so long, they'll have to build a robot to find their ideal Mr. Right.

Having standards is good.

Having a list of demands that you yourself can't meet is bad.

How are you going to demand qualities out of a partner if you don't possess them to mirror? In order to demand perfection, one would have to be perfect — and well, no one is perfect. Have bigger standards for yourself than salary requirements or a toned body. How about loyalty, compassion and respect? Those are priceless and can't be taught with even the most decorated degree.

By only dating men that fit your "type," you are limiting yourself. You're fishing from a very small pool, and a shallow one, might I add. Many men choose not to limit themselves. They will date the waitress, the CEO, the blonde, the brunette, the girl next door, the model. They'll cast a line in just about any dating pool, quadrupling their chances of finding a catch.

I, too, have preached that good men are more rare than a unicorn, when I should have been saying that I am dating the wrong men because I looked past the good ones while having tunnel vision for only the men who met my requirements of matching my success, or preferably, was more successful. And by making shallow demands, I got a shallow person. Recently, I had to stop, sit back and realize that my professional success is contingent only on myself, and that it has no correlation to real success in life ... love.

Get what I'm saying?

Yes, you should have high standards for yourself, but discounting a guy because he's short or doesn't make a seven figure income just isn't fair. And if you don't want to be played, then you've got to play fair.

So rather than sitting there pointing fingers at men for not being what you want, take responsibility and be what you yourself need. And think that maybe, just maybe, it's not men's fault that you can't find a good man ... it's yours.

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