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Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Sex and the Queen City / Random.com Who sings your love song?
Posted By Brittney Cason on Tue, May 17, 2011 at 11:35 AM
Everyone has that one love song that resonates with them ... the song they put on repeat on their iPod and listen to over and over again while they daydream about the person that the song reminds them of. It's the song they sing in the shower at the top of their lungs or play at their wedding. It almost feels like the artist is singing right to you, about your relationship.
My favorite love song is Pat Green's "Three Days" It's the perfect love song for people who live their life up in the air and on the road — people like me, and the NASCARnies who only spend three days home at a time.
"I got three days, wash the road out of my soul. I got three days, love you out of control."
I spoke with Pat Green this morning, regarding his upcoming performance in Charlotte on May 26 at Speed Street, for which he promised to sing "Three Days" to the NASCARnival crowd. "I try not to leave out any song nominated for a Grammy," he joked.
Take a listen, to the greatest love song ever sang (to me at least).
I asked him if he had any relationship advice to offer those whom his popular love song (based on his own love life) also resonates with. He said to take advantage of the homecoming. Don't go out partying with the guys. When you're home, be home.
... take notes fellas!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sex and the Queen City / Random.com Word to your mother
Posted By Brittney Cason on Mon, May 9, 2011 at 12:56 PM
I hope everyone enjoyed their Mother's Day — the moms and non-moms alike. Like TuPac said, we appreciate ya mamas. And congrats to the non-moms, for not getting knocked up by a loser; that deserves a card from Hallmark as well.
Being a mother is the most important, toughest job there is. So just like a business honors an employee of the year, I'd like to honor a mother of the year.
You may remember my friend Leah, who, perfectly healthy, went in to give labor to her twin boys, but didn't come out of the hospital until three months later, with a new liver. She was cut too deep when given her C-Section and suffered internal bleeding aggravated by the common pregnancy disease, HELLP Syndrome. Well, she and her twin boys are doing much better — as are her two livers. They are one big happy family.
In between taking rejection drugs and having to get continual biopsies done, Leah is keeping up with her two little men better than anyone I know could, even without having major organ transplant surgery.
Her advice to mothers: "Take a deep breath when you get frustrated, and teach your children to do the same. It helps calm everyone down. Aside from that, enjoy all the little things because it goes by faster than you can imagine, and you don't get those times back."
Leah will never get the first three months of her babies' lives back while she was hospitalized, but she doesn't complain about it. She just cherishes every moment she has, focusing on the time she gets, fretting not about the time she lost. And that, is why she is mother of the year!
And for all you non-moms not wanting to get knocked up by losers, might I suggest the best form of birth control not available on the market ... this.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sex and the Queen City / Random.com / Free Shit The hottest girls in the NBA are in Charlotte
Posted By Brittney Cason on Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 9:51 AM
Last year, the Lady Cats were officially named the hottest dance team in the NBA ... 'cause they're from Charlotte, duh. Well, we need to keep them winning, as it's time for the 2011 NBA dance team bracket competition. Let's support our hometown hotties and cheer on our cheerleaders.
VOTE HERE between 2 p.m. on Monday through 2 p.m. Tuesday ... or here.
If you vote, you can see the Lady Cats special burlesque video via Bobcats.com. And if you send me your voting confirmation to brittney.cason@creativeloafing.com, I will put you in the drawing for lower level tickets to the April 6 Bobcats vs. Orlando Magic game, in the 100 section ... which is pretty much the first row.
The Charlotte girls are using their talents against South Beach, to defeat the Heat. But they need your help. So vote, damn it! We only have 24 hours.
Meanwhile, you can get tickets to the Orlando game via Charlotte's MS Society. Just go to this site and enter the code BOBCATS and $5 from every ticket goes to the Multiple Sclerosis Society!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Blind Leading the Blind / Random.com / Don't Quote Me Don't shit, or have sex, where you eat
Posted By Brittney Cason on Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 2:20 PM
I'm about to go where no woman blogger has gone before ... to the bathroom.
You can read advice columns about dating and maintaining a passionate relationship, but what about when the shit hits the fan? And I mean that literally.
You're dating a guy. It's still relatively new, in the sense that you spend the night together, but he doesn't know you poop or fart yet. You guys go to dinner and go back to his place for sexy time. But your body is busy digesting your food and is ready to dispose of it. What do you do?...what do you do?
How do you make going #2 a one-person affair ... and go in his house without getting caught?
I called in back-up to answer this question for you ladies. Those for whom I seek my own advice from like volunteer therapists and muses — my girlfriends.
"The shower trick. Works every time. Tell him you want to shower before bed, run the water and poop. Then jump in the shower and wash off, using soap and something that is smelly so you can dilute the poop fumes." ~a girlfriend
"Take a shower! He also likes this usually cause I come out all wet, smelling good and naked but really I just wanted to have an excuse to shit without killing the mood. Girls can be sneaky, too." ~a different girlfriend
"I'm a fan of the good ol' fashion fan. Just turn on the overhead fan. It masks the sound and clears the smell more quickly. Guys typically don't have air freshener in the room (if they do, maybe look around and make sure they have both testicles) so if it's really stinky you can take like the shampoo or liquid soap and wave it around the room with the cap open (that way it smells like their usual products versus perfume, or worse, shit). But realistically, girls have a keener sense of smell than guys, so they probably won't even notice. Plus, a big poop is easier to explain than weirdly waving around their hygiene products." ~another girlfriend
"LEAVE! Make up a reason for having to leave or go home. Tell him you got to let your dogs out and use that time to go to the bathroom yourself." ~another girlfriend
"When I'm traveling with him I tell him I'm going to get a snack or some drinks and use the lobby bathroom." ~another girlfriend
Or, you can take my married girlfriend's advice: "I'll sit there and take a poop while he's shaving at the sink and then dutch oven him. I don't care. Girls shit, piss, burp and fart .... just cause we have a vagina doesn't mean we aren't human. We have three holes to control and men only have two. Cut us some slack."
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sex and the Queen City / Random.com Charlotte's Emily Maynard, before the rose
Posted By Brittney Cason on Mon, Mar 14, 2011 at 1:56 PM
Tonight, Yyou can watch Charlotte's own Emily Maynard on The Bachelor finale. But first, you can watch her host the show I now work for, 3 Wide Life.
Link to video.
Maybe I should go on The Bachelor now ... that was a joke!
I may not like the show, but I like Emily — and Team Emily will assemble for tonight's finale! A party so big, I even made two fruit pizzas for the occasion ... to watch The Bachelor. I like the girl that much.
So do you think Emily will walk away with the final rose ... or dump Brad Womack? Either way she's coming up roses ... get it?
Blog to be continued ...
Monday, March 7, 2011
Single-Taken-It's Complicated / Random.com The intern's wedding
Posted By Brittney Cason on Mon, Mar 7, 2011 at 10:38 AM
On Saturday, my former intern Saint Sarah tied the knot to her college sweetheart. There's something about watching your intern get married that feels as joyful as watching your daughter get married, but also as depressing as burying her. And not because of the "weddings are like funerals" analogy Brotha Fred and I made in our duet column, but because she's so much younger than me. It makes me feel like I'm starting a downward spiral to spinster. Like I should start wearing a fanny pack and get a cat, even though I don't like them.
She sent me an invitation with a personal message attached: "I know you hate weddings, but it would mean the world to me if you came to mine."
How can I RSVP no to that?
Turns out, it might have been the best wedding I've ever been to. A small, low-key, quick ceremony at the Ballantyne Country Club. A woman as the Best Man, and a Man of Honor versus a Maid. Macaroni and cheese balls and Scottish egg appetizers. Cupcakes instead of a wedding cake, and a groom cake in the shape of an X-Box. A DJ that gave everyone straw hats and sunglasses to do a conga line. Nothing was traditional about her wedding, other than traditions that are dear to her and her husband.
I always told Sarah to march to the beat of her own drum. And I couldn't be prouder of her for marching to the beat of her heart as well.
It wasn't a big production that would turn my sweet Saint Sarah into a bridezilla. It was a beautiful, intimate celebration of two people venturing into the real world together. They even had cocktail napkins explaining how they came to date ... he accidentally hit her with a car. Now that's a surefire way to get someone's attention!
That day I learned something from my intern. She taught me what I had forgotten about relationships. And she restored my faith in marriage by having a wedding that was about the marriage ... not the wedding.
So when planning a wedding, perhaps we should only pay attention to the details that matter, like our marriage. The wedding lasts a night, and the marriage lasts a lifetime (at least, that's the plan).
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Random.com Free tickets to the Cirque at Charlotte Motor Speedway
Posted By Brittney Cason on Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 10:12 AM
You may have noticed I have moved from print and Brittney After Dark to here, Love, Brittney ... but don't worry — I am still giving away free shit. Because I love you.
Just send this link: http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/lovebrittney to me at brittney.cason@creativeloafing.com, and I'll draw a name from my inbox out of those who have CC'ed friends in that e-mail. Don't forget to sign it with love.
According to a press release, "TOTEM traces the fascinating journey of the human species from its original amphibian state to its ultimate desire to fly. Inspired by many founding myths, TOTEM illustrates, through a visual and acrobatic language, the evolutionary progress of species. Somewhere between science and legend TOTEM explores the ties that bind Man to other species, his dreams and his infinite potential."
So regardless if you win tickets or not, you should go see the Cirque, at the race track. While the NASCARnival is in Vegas. Charlotte is actually Totem's first stop on their American tour. Since we know they already have good geographical taste, the show is bound to be good. You can purchase tickets here ... it's only around until March 27, so get on it.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Dating and Mating / Sex and the Queen City / Random.com Guys respond to my 'vajazzling'
Posted By Brittney Cason on Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 12:33 PM
On Valentine’s Day, I got the following e-mail from a guy friend:
Subject Line: Happy Va-jay-jay Day
Welcome to Austin Britt! Here’s a coupon for a $5 Swarovski Vajazzle with a Brazilian wax, with love.
The forwarded message from the Waxing Studio included a link to a video of Jennifer Love Hewitt talking to George Lopez about how she thinks every woman should get vajazzled. What is she,The Ghost and Vagina Whisperer?
Vajazzling is basically bedazzling your vagina. Kinda like going to Michael's and buying gems to hot glue to your vagina. I’ve always wanted to have a jewel-encrusted vagina.
"That is a horrible idea" … "Won’t the beads rub against our skin?" … "If I saw a girl with rhinestones on her vagina, I’d ask to see her ID to make sure she was over 13” — these are the sentiments I got from my guy friends.
And then they bet me I wouldn't do it … which made me want to. “You might as well give herself a little action down there,” they quipped. Considering I don’t have to worry about scaring or chaffing a guy, I agreed to their bet, demanding home-cooked Texas BBQ and a gift card to Whole Foods. Apparently I'll do anything if you feed me.
So last week I went to the Waxing Studio where Tiffany here laid out Swarovski crystals in the shape of Texas Longhorns, fireworks, shooting stars, and butterflies. I went with a blue peace sign. When she put on her latex gloves, I gripped myself for pain, like she was about to give me a Brazilian wax. But it didn’t hurt, and aside from having someone's hands on your genitals, it didn’t even feel uncomfortable. It’s basically like a temporary tattoo — a pornographic one. It just peels off a plastic film and sticks to your skin like a sticker. I suggested they get cat eyes designs — that might be festive.
The catch to the bet, however, was that I had to go out in downtown Austin that night and tell 5 random guys that I just got vajazzled and see how they responded ...
Random guy #1: "What is that?"
Random guy #2: "What the F%$& is that?"
Random guy #3: "Show me!" (I showed him my back as I walked away.)
Random guy #4: "Huh?"
Random guy #5: "Why?"
So the consensus is ... what's the point? My peace sign vajayjay adornment was more the butt of a joke than it was sexy. It lasted all of five days, losing a rhinestone here or there. Now I won't scare off a guy ... with my vajazzle at least.
I gave my intern, Jordan, the assignment to find a place in Charlotte that offers Vajazzling. Once she reconsidered why on earth she works for me, she searched to no avail, even calling Vajazzle themselves, sitting on hold for two hours. Either this is really a new craze, or their call center is understaffed. Get on it Charlotte salons. *wink*
