Tuesday, January 3, 2012

How to not suck at New Year's Eve ... next year

Posted By on Tue, Jan 3, 2012 at 11:46 AM


Few things are quite so glorified and stressful as preparing for and enduring New Year's Eve. I’ve done it all when it comes to trying to identify the ideal way to ring in a new year, but rather than sharing my most recent attempt, I’ve decided to create a nightlife NYE How-To Survival Guide of sorts to hopefully thwart the most common self-induced calamities that so often occur on Dec. 31. (Note: I’ve done all of the below, so this comes from a helpful place, not a snarky one ... well, mostly).

• Do not spend all of your dollars on a head-to-toe new outfit thinking that, via fashion that is not at all indicative of how you normally dress, you will somehow inherit a more daring personality or enhanced social influence. That being said, do not try anything weird and/or “different” with your hair because it will make you look stupid. It’s not Halloween, so just go as normal you and be comfortable.

• Do start early and then rest your head before 4 a.m. This will allow you to save hundreds of thousands of dollars on drinks at whatever overpriced venue/event you’re going to by mixing your own fancy cocktails at home, pregame. This will also up your odds of not waking up somewhere scary where you have to army crawl into the kitchen to find a piece of mail in order to extract an address so that a cab (or a friend) can come get you.

• Do not turn the last night of your year into a comedy of errors. Do your best not to fall, use poorly selected pick-up lines, take your clothes off in public, throw up on a stranger, cry in the bathroom, or do anything that you would typically find morally repugnant for beads, party hats or noise makers.

• Do only surround yourself with people that you genuinely (seriously, for real) like and are comfortable around. This works in the event of ingesting hallucinogens, AND it will more than likely foil any sort of very public and very embarrassing confrontation and/or breakup.

• Do not, under any circumstances, attend any party where the advertisements depict a half-naked dancing supermodel surrounded by florets and disco balls. Moreover, as a general rule of thumb, avoid all events that are sponsored by an obscure 40-something-year-old “promoter." Take my word for it: You will hate most of the people there — and the girl on the flyer won’t actually be in attendance.

Hopefully, your New Year's Eve didn’t involve any of the above, it was a tremendous success, and you welcomed 2012 with a blaze of glory and (just the right amount of) champagne. If not, follow these simple rules next year, and I can promise superior metrics in 2013 ... if the Mayans aren’t right, and we’re all still here, of course.

Megan Henshall is a project coordinator by day, favorite child, rollerskating enthusiast, blogger, and lover of all things social and under appreciated. For more writing/ramblings/rants visit www.dearsuchandso-keyboardventing.blogspot.com.

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