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Thursday, October 11, 2007
News The Shield Bill Will Resurrect My Career
Posted By Web Editor on Thu, Oct 11, 2007 at 11:20 AM
By Jayson Blair
Yes! Finally us journalists can report without fear of facing jail time for protecting our sources. Like for instance, if there was a story about a wounded soldier who isn't granted leave. Through some meticulous fact-finding, a certain sleuth discovers that in addition to a superficial wound in the soldier's arm, he also has taken shrapnel in his eyes and has gone retarded in 65% of his brain. "He is a blind man in a blind war," the journalist eloquently puts it.
But then some propaganda officials in the government subpoena his notes. Well, now this ink slinger can say: "No, you can't see them! Maybe I don't have notes, maybe my notes are more conceptual, a ubiquitous energy force that is both an endangered Blue Whale being poached by Exxon for oil and the elderly woman who is without health care and is about to die of untreated cancer of the ass that she got from 9/11, the point is I don't have to show these 'notes' to you."
And if this reporter gets a wicked quote from General Petreaus revealing his new plan to kill every Iraqi and replace them with the peaceful Kuarupu tribe of the Amazon, and the reporter's needling editor wants to engage in the most time-wasting and stupid practice of all time: fact checking, the reporter doesn't have to.
Even if this asshole editor says: "This Shield bill only applies to external summonses. I'm your editor, you have to show me your notes. Look, let's not make this any more difficult than it has to be, I know this quote is clearly fabricated."
Even then, the reporter doesn't have to show his notes to the editor. Why? Because the bill says so.
News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.
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