Thursday, March 26, 2015

Eight (possible) things overheard in Patrick Cannon's prison visitation room

Posted By on Thu, Mar 26, 2015 at 3:52 PM

It’s hard to believe today marks an entire year since the FBI took down then-mayor Patrick Cannon on corruption charges.

The fallout was swift for the rising political star. He is now serving a 44-month sentence at a minimum security facility in West Virginia. He’s allowed visitation every weekend.

In honor of #throwbackThursday, we offer the cover we ran last year.
  • In honor of #TBT (or throwback Thursday if you're not hip to the lingo), we offer the cover we ran last year.

Who goes to see him on weekends? What do they talk about? We don’t know, but we’ve imagined the most likely scenarios. Charlotteans, we bring you the top eight most likely quotes from Patrick Cannon’s prison visitation room.

1. “Oh honey, I think you look just fine in an orange jumpsuit.” — Mrs. Cannon

2. “We saw your awesome Powerpoint, and we’d like to make you an offer for HERS.” — Tampax executive

3. “If you had a boss mustache like mine, they would’ve never come for you.” — Mayor Dan Clodfelter

4. “Just keep my name out of your mouth.” — President Barack Obama

5. “Just remember when you send in your tithes, Elevation can only accept cash, check or charge. No cigarettes or other prison contraband.” — Pastor Steven Furtick

6. “I miss you homie!” — strip club mogul and Cannon-briber David “Slim” Baucom

7. “I appreciate you helping take attention off my coal ash scandal.” — Gov. Pat McCrory

8. “I still can’t believe you thought you’d get away with it! You’re not white!” — Cannon’s attorneys

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