Here are the five best events to get you hot and bothered with or without a date going down in Charlotte and the surrounding area today, May 27, 2009as selected by the folks at Creative Loafing.
Need a guys night out? Take it Uptown.
Wet Wednesday at Leather and Lace.
Network with Women and Wine.
It's Ladies night at Howl at The Moon.
Charlotte Salsa Social.
First let me say, I never thought I could have too much of a good thing. And trust me when I say boy toy is a good--great--thing.
But a rainy Memorial Day reminded me that it really is OK to take a break. It's a shame that I didn't figure that out until Tuesday. Yes, today.
So, how do you get your lady parts to stop from throbbing? Unlike drinking, having more sex isn't the answer.
Boy toy took a look down there last night and was surprised at how swollen it was. His bright idea?
"Put some ice on it."
Not a good idea. But for some reason, I said sure. What I didn't realize was that he planned to use his lips and tongue to apply the ice.
When he was done and I'd told him I was seriously hurting, we got on the Internet to see if there was something I could do (because he's banned from touching me) to make my lovely lady lumps feel better.
The Frisky says:
1. Back(teria) Off: When your skin is feelin thin, you are more susceptible to bacteria. So, avoid further complications by...* Only wear soft cotton undies. Anything else will get all up in your girl grill and start trouble.
* Dont cross your legs. In fact, sit with your thighs slightly apart. And dont wear a mini skirt!
* Dont wear pants, even pantyhose.
2. Its A Relief: To soothe your pain, you can put on some Vaseline, pure 100% Aloe Vera gel or even some lube after the fact on the red ladybits. Just dont go shoving it up where the sun dont shine.
Of course he wanted to help again, and said seriously, he wasn't going to try anything. Whatever. The Vaseline actually worked. But I think the best thing to do after damaging your lady parts is rest, alone, with no panties on.
Here are the five best events to get you hot and bothered with or without a date going down in Charlotte and the surrounding area today, May 26, 2009as selected by the folks at Creative Loafing.
Learn the Flamenco.
$2 Tuesday at Club Onyx.
Two for Tuesday at The Crazy Horse.
Les Claypool at The Neighborhood Theatre.
Sangria night at Mez.
Remember the days of those middle school dances ... boys on one side of the room, the girls on the other?
Your favorite jam comes on ... you sway, maybe even two step a lil' bit ... hoping and praying and wishing upon every star there is that one of them mofos on the other side of the room will step to you?
Both sides of the room start staring each other down, then bashfully looking away, then taking a chance to take a sneak peek to see if they might be looking?
Well, the social scene in the Queen City as a grown-ass adult ... is no different.
For the life of me I cannot understand why its so hard to mingle with folks at social events. I thought maybe it's a fluke, but after hitting up a few parties over the weekend hell for the past couple of years same ole ish, different day/party
Some say it's because of the cliques that have formed, others say its because, simply put, it is what it is.
So I just had to put together a list of helpful hints so that mixing and mingling is a lil' less Queen City Middle School-esque:
1. Fellas: If a female walks up to you and says hello ... there's absolutely no need for you to start displaying bitchassness qualities by freaking out like she's trying to propose. All the mofo said was "HELLO" ... a simple "HELLO" in response is all we are asking for.
2. Ladies: If a man buys you a drink, it don't mean you have to give up the drawz. Take the drink and keep it moving. And men, if we accept the drink, that DOES NOT mean we are now damn-near engaged and you are going to the crib for the night. It is what it is. You bought the drink. Thanks.
3. Staring is just rude. At least do the 3 second rule: Look, hold three seconds, then turn ya damn head. Or put on your big boy boxers or your big girl thongs and open your mouth and speak.
4. I get that you came to the party/event with your crew, but cliques are soooooo 90s. Break out of the group and mingle! Networking is so 2009!
5. And lastly, if you finally make that move to mingle and you are met with a blank stare and a rapid succession of blinks (as I'm known to give folks), don't give up. Just say nice meeting you and take your ass on to the next person...
Lesson Learned: Fam, we are grown. Time to ditch the security blanket called your clique once we enter a social event. Hell, you never know who you might meet.
On the off chance that you're not a NASCAR fan and you plan to skip your cousin John's cook out this weekend, why not curl up with a book or two that will get you hot and bothered in a very sexy way.
Yes, Sir: Erotic Stories of Female Submission. This book is described as:
How bad do you want to be bound, gagged, spanked, or slapped? How bad to you want to have your hair pulled, your nipples clamped, your body strung up? How bad do you want to pant, gasp, scream, and squirm? How bad do you want to turn over some part of yourself to a man just dying to strip you bare and take you somewhere you've never been? Here you'll find all sorts of women for whom their own personal "Sir"s (or Masters or Daddies) hold the reins to their erotic pleasure. For them, saying yes (or a bratty, defiant "no" for which they'll be duly punished) is as powerful as a good, hard smack on the ass. They give up control in all kinds of ways, from letting their doms decide who theyll fuck to when theyll come to which color panties are acceptable and which arent. Playing at "Sir," let's these players take their kinky to a whole new level. Contributors include Gwen Masters, Amanda Earl, Teresa Noelle Roberts and Nikki Magennis.
Lust: Erotic Fantasies for Women. This book is described as:
All day and night, our minds run through delicious possibilities a silky hand beckoning us into the VIP lounge; a stranger in the backseat; the hunky FedEx driver bringing his package to the door not to mention our own lascivious memories. Lust is a collection of erotica by and for women, a fierce and joyous celebration of female desire and the triple-X trouble it gets us into. In Kay Jaybees Tied to the Kitchen Sink, a birthday boy finds his present nude except for tall, high-heeled boots happily devoted to domestic duties. Maria Grigoriadiss Pleasant Surprise shows what can happen when you knock on the wrong apartment door without your panties. And Bonnie Dees Ripe Fruit teasingly elaborates the sweet, sticky encounter of a soap opera idol and a fruit-stand employee on a stretch of rural roadside. Let the witty and provocative Violet Blue, best-selling writer, sex columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle and host of the popular podcast Open Source Sex, lead you down a primrose path to a forest of wicked, lustful surprises.
Enchanted: Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women. This book is described as:
Allow yourself to be drawn into a fantasy world like no other . . . where a beautiful princess is seduced into a love triangle with a handsome prince and her winsome maid . . . where a mysterious gentleman's young bride is deliciously disciplined for her unchecked curiosity . . . where a naive daughter is married off to a beast of a man whose carnal appetites awaken her budding desire . . .With a unique and decidedly adult twist on thirteen classic fairy tales, Nancy Madore intrigues and arouses with her titillating, sizzling anthology of erotic stories guaranteed to keep you up late into the night.
You'll never look at fairy tales the same way again.
Here are the five best events to get you hot and bothered with or without a date going down in Charlotte and the surrounding area today, May 22, 2009as selected by the folks at Creative Loafing.
Bare as you dare Memorial Day bash at The Estate.
$3 drink specials at Club Onyx.
DJ VanDam and chocolate at Crave.
Endless Summer pool party tour.
Check out the pole position at Baby Dolls.
Memorial Day is the first holiday of the summer and the first time in a long time that we've had a paid weekend off. Unless you work for CMS, sorry, but you have to make up that March snow day on Monday.
For the rest of us, we have three days and nights to fill with something. Why not some hot sex? Let Memorial Day weekend be the time you try all that freaky shit you've seen on Red Tube.
Before you do, make sure you stock up on lubes. If you can't get to one of the many adult stores in town, like The Red Door or Adam and Eve, hit you local Wal-Mart and get a box of KY Yours and Mine.
Use as much as you want of this product and rub it every where you want him or her to blow, kiss or lick.
It's likely that some of your friends and family will be having a party this weekend. Make sure you get some ice for later. If it's really hot this weekend, your partner will enjoy an icy addition to oral sex. That way you can heat him or her up and cool her or him down at the same time. Don't forget dessert; you know Auntie's cake tastes even better when you eat it off your lover.
Now, what I'm about to suggest could lead to your arrest, but you have to get caught first. (Wink and we all know that's part of the fun.)
Meet your mate at a park and role play, but take some Deep Woods Off so that the bugs won't feast on you while you two get it on. Also, just to be kind to the next person who will sit on that bench, put something underneath you. No one wants to sit in dried sex fluids.
When you get home from all of your activities this weekend, be sure to take a bath or a shower with your mate. If you wash his or her back, I'm sure you'll get licked er-- washed in return.
Here are the five best events to get you hot and bothered with or without a date going down in Charlotte and the surrounding area today, May 21, 2009as selected by the folks at Creative Loafing.
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Black and white birthday bash at the Men's Club.
Make it a movie night with Angels and Demons.
Live music at Tyber Creek Pub and $2 beer.
"Do Me, Baby" at Speed Street with BBD.
Alive after 5 at the EpiCenter.
The Charlotte Observer is reporting that four people were shot at the Carousel Men's Club last night.
The shootings happened about 3:10 a.m. in the parking lot of the Carousel Club, in the 3400 block of South Boulevard.According to initial police reports, an argument started outside the club, and shots were fired. One of those wounded was an employee at the club.
Police say two men drove themselves to CMC-Mercy Hospital for treatment, and officers say they are considering those two men the suspects in the case.
The other two people -- a patron and a bouncer, according to reports -- were taken to Carolinas Medical Center for treatment.
None of the injuries is thought to be life-threatening, police say, and there is no word as to what triggered the argument and shootings.
I had no idea Charlotte strip clubs stayed open past 2 a.m. during the week.
Ever had a day where you didn't want to go to work because you knew that one coworker was just going to annoy the hell out of you?
Or did you miss your cup of coffee before you got stuck on I-77?
Don't walk into your office building and cuss your coworkers out, make them think you have a gun and are about to go postal. Just take a break and find a quiet place and touch yourself.
At work, you probably need an orgasm more than when you're winding down at night. The bathroom is a good place for masturbation on the job. Women can use small vibrators that look like lipstick and phones to get off at work, just make sure you can keep it down when you come in public.
Men, you lucky bastards, have everything you need to get off at work--two hands and some lotion. Even if you don't have your own bottle at your desk, a female coworker will loan you some. Of course, she's not going to know why. While the bathroom may not be the best place for a man to unleash his frustrations, there is always a storage closet that people don't use often. You know your office and where the quiet places are.
It's best to do this in the morning while people are booting their computers and getting coffee. This lessens your chance of getting caught. And having a morning orgasm sets the tone for the rest of the day. Everyone knows when Lucy, the office bitch, got some the night before or moments before she entered the office. For eight hours after she orgasms, no one wants to kill her.
Do yourself and you coworkers a favor, masturbate when you're in a bad mood.