Ever had a day where you didn't want to go to work because you knew that one coworker was just going to annoy the hell out of you?

Or did you miss your cup of coffee before you got stuck on I-77?

Don't walk into your office building and cuss your coworkers out, make them think you have a gun and are about to go postal. Just take a break and find a quiet place and touch yourself.

At work, you probably need an orgasm more than when you're winding down at night. The bathroom is a good place for masturbation on the job. Women can use small vibrators that look like lipstick and phones to get off at work, just make sure you can keep it down when you come in public.

Men, you lucky bastards, have everything you need to get off at work--two hands and some lotion. Even if you don't have your own bottle at your desk, a female coworker will loan you some. Of course, she's not going to know why. While the bathroom may not be the best place for a man to unleash his frustrations, there is always a storage closet that people don't use often. You know your office and where the quiet places are.

It's best to do this in the morning while people are booting their computers and getting coffee. This lessens your chance of getting caught. And having a morning orgasm sets the tone for the rest of the day. Everyone knows when Lucy, the office bitch, got some the night before or moments before she entered the office. For eight hours after she orgasms, no one wants to kill her.

Do yourself and you coworkers a favor, masturbate when you're in a bad mood.

Science says an orgasm can take away your pain.

After talking to my friend this morning, I realize that she needs one.

iVillage says:

Because of this secretion, endorphins (hormone-like chemicals that bear a close functional resemblance to morphine) are released. When a person is aroused or excited, oxytocin levels not only begin to increase, they are the reason that orgasms come about. Studies have shown that a rise in oxytocin levels can relieve pain; everything from headaches, cramps and overall body aches can be diminished with a simple roll in the hay.

I've found that after a stressful day, sex with the boy toy or with my favorite sex toy makes all the tension go away.

After talking to my friend and listening to her complain about a nosy coworker, I realized that the problem isn't the co-worker, but her lack of "cumming."

She hasn't had sex in two years and I marvel at that. While she doesn't notice it, everything bothers her. That's because she's backed up.

A recent survey revealed that people who have more sex reported that they felt more at ease, happier and learned how to handle stress better. So perhaps the term "sexual frustration" is not too far from the truth.

So if you're anything like my friend, let me leave you with this last fact about why you need an orgasm:

Although the orgasm is sometimes referred to as the "little death," having at least two orgasms a week can increase your life span.

Condoms are the cornerstone of safe sex. Though not 100 percent, for the most part, they keep us from itching, scratching and blistering down there.

And not to mention, regular use of condoms help reduce the risk of contracting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

But condoms are boring. As non-PC as it is to say, when your in the middle of some juicy foreplay, pausing while he rolls a condom on can change, if not kill the mood. But a responsible person does it anyway.

Just because you have to pause to make sex safe, it doesn't mean you can't be sexy.

Step one, put the condom on with your mouth. The Frisky has instructions on how to do this.

But make sure you take heed to this one:

The Package: First things first, use an non-lubricated condom. We’ll get wet later, hot stuff! And although your dentist probably wouldn’t recommend using your teeth to tear the package open, it’s pretty hot. Just use your fingers to keep the condom out of your mouth’s reach and carefully take it out of the wrapper. If you break the condom, it’s useless. So, if you think you felt it get caught it in your teeth, start over!

Step two, find your flavor. Condom USA offers some free samples of flavored condoms, but for the really yummy ones, like chocolate, banana and cherry, you have to pay. But think of the fun you will have finding what tastes good to you. Trust and believe your partner won't mind you experimenting.

Step three, try different shaped condoms like the Twisted Pleasures condoms by Trojan and these:

Pleasure Plus Condom - The new shape of pleasure
	SIZE DOESN'T MATTER-- SHAPE DOES! Introducing the most pleasurable condom you'll ever use. The scientifically developed Pleasure Plus condom actually increases stimulation for both of you.

If these steps don't make your safe sex sexier, then you're the problem.

The Vault Bar at the Blake Hotel is quiet and intimate.

This is a great spot to start role playing.

You and your partner head over to the Vault Bar. Of course you two can't arrive at the same time. One of you should take a seat at the bar and order a martini. While the other person should take a seat in one of the plush wicker swing chairs.

Next, lock eyes with your partner. Then saunter over to him or her. Use your cheesiest pick up line, like "Are you feet tired? You've been running through my mind all day."

The bartender is sure to get a kick out of it or wonder if you two are already drunk.

The lighting in the bar is very sensual and low, so you're not going to have to plaster your face with make-up. And since this person has seen you naked, they know the real deal.

This is a fun way to end your work day and since you have a house or apartment of your own, you don't have to spring for a hotel room, unless you just can't wait.

Mary thought she was good with oral sex. She and her boyfriend do it all the time. She enjoys giving him head, so last night should've been just a normal evening with a happy ending.

Not so much.

Mary and her man  just had sex, but she was still feeling frisky. As her beau sat down in the computer chair, she dropped to her knees and massaged his penis until is was partially erect. Then she proceeded to give him head.

Since Mary had just watched a few porn clips on Pornhub, she was trying new techniques and her man was loving it. He stood up, holding on to the wall as she took him deeper and deeper inside her mouth. Mary felt his knees shaking so, she stood up and motioned for him to get on the bed.

This is where things got bad.

Mary was in an awkward position, her head was not aligned properly and her man was uber excited about how wet her mouth was. He rotated his hips as if he was actually going in and out of her vagina. She tried to hold back and switch her head to another side. But he moaned, "keep it right there" and held the back of her head.

Then Mary felt the bile raising in her throat. Oh shit, she thought as she upchucked dinner all over her man's dick, balls and bed spread.

She pulled away, only to find that his eyes were still closed and head thrown back. That's when she said, "I think you're going to need a towel."

He opened his eyes and saw the mess. "I need a shower," he said.

Mary's face burned with embarrassment. As many times as she'd sucked his dick, nothing like this had ever happened. She didn't even throw up on the boyfriend with the musty balls.

If you've ever been a Mary, here are some tips from ehow.com to make sure you never, ever do that again. Because vomit is never sexy.

Step 1

Lubricate the penis slightly. The easiest and most pleasurable way to do this is to perform oral sex for a minute or two until the penis is good and moist.

Step 2

Begin to slowly take the penis into your mouth. You want to make sure you are in a comfortable position and your that your mouth, throat and the penis are properly aligned to avoid the gag reflex.

Step 3

Start taking the penis into your mouth slowly. You can either do this yourself or have him slide his penis into your mouth slowly.

Step 4

Continue to slide the penis into your mouth until you feel your gag reflex kick in. If he is the one doing the sliding be sure to let him know that you've reached a point where you need him to stop or you will gag.

Step 5

Hold the penis in position for as long as you again. Once you feel like you can't hold it anymore let go and take a break.

Step 6

Repeat Steps 1 through 5 until you can take his whole penis into your mouth with ease, completing avoiding the gag reflex as you do so.

So, I've been doing a lot of reading lately. And I have to wonder, why do we need so many books about how to have better sex?

After reading The 10 Secrets To Great Sex, I realize that I don't have to read another how to sex book.

The book is from the Sinclair Intimacy Institute and common sense, yet erotic tips in this book should keep things hot and spicy in any bedroom.

My favorite secret is number eight, seek stimulating settings.

Finding different places to experience physical intimacy can bring freshness to your time together.

That's the truth. Remember how exciting it used to be to have sex in the back seat of the  car when you were a teenager?

Some other places to get busy, according to the book are, the kitchen. Think Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction.

The kitchen is the perfect place to seduce your partner by rubbing ice cubes on each other's lips and neck, or applying dessert to your naked body.

Stairways are another place for nookie. The living room, especially if you have a fireplace and mirrors and the laundry room.

The washer and dryer provide sturdy surfaces at or near groin level. If tey are in operation, you'll get some noise cover and interesting vibrations.

But it's secret number 10 that makes this book worth every cent I paid for it.

Explore the "forbidden" pleasures. That's right, get tied up, let your mate fuck you in the ass and swallow. A man's ejaculation only has about four calories.

Say yes to amazing sex, that's how this book drew me in.

Who doesn't want amazing sex? Unfortunately, if you've been fucking for a while, this is not the book for you.

The book tells you how long sperm can live inside a woman's vagina, how masturbation is only too much when it interferes with a person's life and where the G-spot is.

The book is a little more educational than technique teacher, but there are some interesting tidbits about different positions. One great one is "The Wheelbarrow."

The man stands up while the woman is in front of him, upside down (as if she is about to do a handstand) with her hands on the floor, and her feet around his waist or on his shoulders (depending on his height). He inserts his penis in her vagina from this position.

Even though this book was written for adults, with all the cuts in sex ed in schools these days, this is a good book to pass along to a teenager. This guide is very responsible, it discusses birth control, STD, sexual problems and sexuality.

As I read the description of the Whale and Pufferfish, I realized that I do this all the time.

I had no idea I was a master of the Kama Sutra, just kidding. But if you're looking to spice up your night, try this on for size:

a satisfying sexual position in which the woman is laying on the bed with her legs up and around the male's torso allowing deep penetration.

This position is crazy and will allow both parties to climax very quickly. To start off this position, the woman will lie down on the bed, with her head on a pillow. Then she will raise her hips and take her weights on her shoulders and neck. The man will then kneel down in front of her . He will use both his hands to hold her buttock for support and control the movement. The woman every five seconds blows air into her cheeks and lets the spikes protrude from her back. She has become feral. At this point, the whale must calm and soothe the fearful and powerful pufferfish. The whale bellows deeply as the pufferfish slowly releases air through her nose valve...while slowly removing the last of their clothes. Then they do it donkey style; the point when the whale and pufferfish become one in congress.