It is my good fortune to call Lugenia Grider a colleague and a friend. We have taught several classes together, and I value her expertise as a doula, lamaze instructor, lactation peer counselor and women's health educator. She has a heart for helping women navigate a beautiful, but scary, season of life: pregnancy and new motherhood. More than anyone I know, Lugenia answers the questions and concerns of anxious parents-to-be, which is why I asked to her help me answer my own Q&A.

• Tatiana Vdb (flickr Creative Commons)

I have mixed feelings about online dating. Sure, it has its benefits (convenience, a large and varied selection of men, and a sense of control over my destiny), but I am uneasy with the realization that I am very literally shopping for a man in about the same way I shop for wine - I stroll the aisle hoping the right bottle will catch my eye. I make my drink selections based on first impressions: do I like the color and shape of the bottle? Is the packaging attractive and inviting? Do I like the name?

I scroll through my lists of potential matches the same way, scanning profile pics and usernames awaiting an attraction, an instant connection. I think most online daters do the same. Potential dates have only a few seconds with which to get our attention. It is amazing, then, that people do not take the time to make a good first impression.

I suggest the following Don'ts, which I've found after my year of online dating aren't so obvious. (They're also inspired by true events.)

• andronicusmax (Flickr Creative Commons)

It's no secret that I love to talk about sex. However, most parents don't. The dreaded "talk" is feared, delayed too long, or altogether avoided. But talking about sex doesn't have to be stressful. I gave a five-minute presentation - "How to Talk About Sex Without Breaking a Sweat" - at the first ever Ignite Charlotte. Here it is:

Kids want to know what the adults in their lives, especially their parents, think about sex. Yes, really. They need a framework for making sense of the cacophony of voices telling them discordant and often horribly skewed expectations of what sex is and should be. And sex should be understood to include more than just the physical act. Kids need help understanding all of the facets of their sexuality, including (but not limited to): anatomy, physiology, sexual development, body image, gender roles, sexual coercion and manipulation, sexual diversity, flirting, dating, rape, reproduction, setting boundaries, communication, and sexual health.

It seems that everyone is talking about sex except the people who are actually having sex. It's perplexing because if we are comfortable getting naked with someone, why is it so uncomfortable talking about what we want (and don't) from the experience?

Frankly, we just don't have a lot of experience. One of the best tools that sex ed could provide would be to help young people learn how to express their sexuality in healthy ways, including by verbalizing their desires, boundaries, and how to negotiate when a partner has differing ideas. We have also been sold simplistic generalizations about what "all" men want and what "all" women need. It's easier to make assumptions or avoid hurting someone's feelings by just not talking about it.

• Me at Spank!

Massages are my favorite indulgence. When I moved to a new area of Charlotte last year, one of the first things I did was search out a new massage therapist. I have always preferred male therapists because I need a really deep touch. And it doesn't hurt if he's easy on the eyes.

When I mentioned my preferences to a co-worker, she suggested I try out the nearby strip mall massage joint, and she provided me with the name of the therapist she liked. When I arrived at the spa a few days later, I met him and did a little "thank you!" in my head to my friend. She had made a great recommendation.

• Hgalm (Flickr Creative Commons)

Masque

Oral sex is ubiquitous in American bedrooms. A 2011 report from the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention found that, among adults ages 25-44, 89 percent of women and 90 percent of men had engaged in oral sex with an opposite-sex partner. It's happening, but often without the frequency and fervor that the partner wants. Why? When it comes to fellatio (oral stimulation of a man's penis), women say that the taste can be a major turn-off. If the taste of fellatio and the resulting climax is an issue, Masque Sexual Flavors are worth a try.

Interested in trying out some new bedroom accoutrements but too busy or embarrassed to make it to the local sex toy shop? Several companies offer subscriptions-based delivery services that send you a box of new toys every month. I tried out three options in varying price points.

Research says we know within three to 30 seconds of meeting someone if we are interested in getting to know them further. Three to 8 minutes - the average time of a speed date - should, theoretically, provide plenty of time to give a thumbs up or thumbs down.

But what happens when participants wear blindfolds?

• Becky Knight
• Armed with unique questions, I put on my blindfold and took on the world (or six dates).

While in Austin last year, some friends and I went out to a club after dinner. I began chatting up a man in his early 30s. A fashion designer, he was in town to see one of his creations worn at a wedding earlier in the day. I then explained that I was in town for a conference of sex educators, counselors and therapists. Upon hearing this, he immediately asked, "Is it normal for me to not have any pre-cum?" For the next 30 minutes I listened to his stories and questions. I got a free drink, and he got a free pseudo-therapy session. (And if you're wondering, yes it's normal. Some men don't produce pre-ejaculate. Nothing to worry about.)

It happens rather frequently. Once people learn that I am a "sexpert" - and that I'm non-judgemental (that's key!) - I become privy to their sexual fears, longings, musings, questions and fantasies. At some point in the conversation, they pause, look at me a bit startled, and say "Wow, I haven't told anyone about that EVER!" or "I cannot believe I'm sharing this with a complete stranger."

People long for open and honest discussions about sex. Asking Google, "Is it OK if I think about my old girlfriend while I have sex with my wife?" is a different experience than asking a woman sitting across the table from you. I love that exchange. Men can be quite vulnerable.

I venture to say that men especially enjoy hearing a woman speak frankly about sex. They don't shock me, and I don't shame them.

There are three common questions men ask me. The first two are elementary, but men must need the reassurance. The third question is a tough one; it's a question of the heart and has no easy answers.

About 10 years ago, I began a stint as an independent consultant for Passion Parties. Women invited me into their homes to showcase and explain a variety of sexual enhancements - everything from lingerie to board games to cock rings to $200 vibrators. It didn't matter if it was a group of young college co-eds or a bible study group, the women got pretty rowdy. The parties were a safe, educational and supportive space for women to ask questions, get advice from friends, hear about new things to try, and touch, taste, and feel the products. I never made much money at the parties, but I had a great time and speaking about sex became second-nature to me.

Sex toys have been around, in one form or another, for thousands of years. Dildos were originally made of stone or wood, which I guess would make them eco-friendly before that was a selling point. Still, not that long ago, sex shops were hidden in dark alleys and were the supposed domain of bachelorette parties or horny old men. Today, there's an Adam & Eve store next to my favorite Mexican restaurant, and Amazon lists hundreds of toys in its inventory - nipple clamps, pocket rockets, butt plugs, and everything else. Now, the problem isn't where to find what you're looking for - it's how to decide among the many options.

What catches my attention is sleek design and tasteful marketing. I'm still a "good girl" at heart and I like my naughty play-things to look nice - sleazy '70s packaging is just not sexy. So I was pleased when at a conference last year, I came upon the We-Vibe table. The products are pretty to look at, thoughtfully designed and have some serious vroom! They are high-quality and a bit pricey but worth the investment if you're a fan of toys. Plus, some of them are pretty high-tech. Ladies, start your engines.