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Bah, Humbug! 

Cynicism edges out cheer this holiday season

Page 3 of 5

DECEMBER 5

HONEY
PLOT: An aspiring dancer (Jessica Alba) finally gets her big break and then decides to help out other struggling wanna-bes.

THE LOWDOWN: Known primarily for the TV show Dark Angel, Alba takes a crack at big-screen prestige. . . Lil' Romeo and Missy Elliot are among the many hip-hop artists who appear in supporting roles. . . Please, God, don't let this be as torturous as Mariah Carrey's Glitter.

THE LAST SAMURAI
PLOT: In 19th century Japan, an American military officer (Tom Cruise) is summoned to teach the Emperor's army how to fight, only to be drawn instead to the nobility of the outcast Samurai warriors.

THE LOWDOWN: As Glory ably demonstrated, director Ed Zwick knows a thing or two about staging massive combat scenes. . . The story and the visuals (showcased in the trailer) appear solid, meaning that the million dollar question is whether audiences will accept Cruise in this setting and time frame.

DECEMBER 12

LOVE DON'T COST A THING
PLOT: In exchange for a favor, a popular high school beauty (Christina Milian) agrees to a bookworm's (Nick Cannon) request that they pretend to be dating.

THE LOWDOWN: This is an African-American remake of the lackluster 1987 teen comedy Can't Buy Me Love, described in this new film's press material as "the classic 1987 teen comedy Can't Buy Me Love" (amazing how often that word gets tossed around these days). . . Lead Nick Cannon's Drumline was one of the sleeper hits of last Christmas.

SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE
PLOT: A self-satisfied playboy with an eye for young babes (who else but Jack Nicholson?) is surprised when he finds himself attracted to a woman closer to his own age (Diane Keaton).

THE LOWDOWN: The preview is very funny, doubtless marking this as the film of choice for older moviegoers. . . Writer-director Nancy Meyer's past financial goldmines include What Women Want and The Parent Trap. . . The cast also features Frances McDormand and Keanu Reeves.

STUCK ON YOU
PLOT: A house divided cannot stand, and apparently neither can conjoined twin brothers (Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear) who have different ideas on what to do with their lives.

THE LOWDOWN: This arrives courtesy of writer-director siblings Bobby and Peter Farrelly, whose films (Shallow Hal, There's Something About Mary) have a habit of stirring small puddles of controversy. . . Cher returns to the screen in a small role; um, does anybody really care?

DECEMBER 17

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING
PLOT: In the third and final chapter in the J.R.R. Tolkien trilogy, Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) must take his rightful place as ruler, Frodo (Elijah Wood) contends with a treacherous Gollum while attempting to destroy the Ring, and epic battles are waged left and right.

THE LOWDOWN: Who wants to bet that this will topple Finding Nemo as the year's top moneymaker?. . . The bigger question is whether director Peter Jackson and company will be able to snag some major Oscars rather than just the technical ones.

DECEMBER 19

IN AMERICA
PLOT: Irish immigrants arrive in New York hoping to start a new life.

THE LOWDOWN: Writer-director Jim Sheridan (In the Name of the Father) has stated that this tale is somewhat autobiographical. . . Samantha Morton (Minority Report) plays the family's mom.

MONA LISA SMILE
PLOT: An enlightened college professor (Julia Roberts) in the early 1950s lands a job at an all-female university and is shocked to discover that the students are primarily being groomed to land high-status husbands.

THE LOWDOWN: Three terrific young actresses -- Kirsten Dunst, Julie Stiles and Maggie Gyllenhaal -- co-star as students, with Oscar winner Marcia Gay Harden (Pollock) on board to add further luster. . . Get ready for an avalanche of Dead Feminists Society blurbs.

DECEMBER 25

BAD SANTA
PLOT: Two con men (Billy Bob Thornton and Tony Cox) pose as, respectively, a department store Santa and his elf assistant in order to facilitate their heists.

THE LOWDOWN: The trailer is packed with laughs. . . Director Terry Zwigoff earned raves for Crumb and Ghost World, and here he has the blessing of the Coen Brothers (who serve as executive producers). . . The cast also includes Bernie Mac, Cloris Leachman and, in his final role before his shocking death, John Ritter as a store manager.

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN
PLOT: After his wife (Bonnie Hunt) lands an important job, a father of 12 (Steve Martin) has his hands full staying home and keeping the kids in line.

THE LOWDOWN: The 1950 original (with Clifton Webb and Myrna Loy) was a box office hit and even inspired a sequel (1952's Belles On Their Toes). . . One of the brood is played by Hilary Duff, testing the waters outside the Lizzie McGuire universe.

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