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While it's no big surprise that the guys on these sites are looking for sex -- whether it's phone, cyber or in a hotel room -- Carla says a lot of the married men she's met are simply lonely and looking for a friend. "They'll talk about their marriage and what's wrong with it," she says. "A lot of times I almost want to call their wife up and say "You know what, your old man is telling me some stuff he should be telling you. It could save your marriage.'"
While Carla says she's met more frogs than princes on-line, she eventually clicked with one gentleman she met on AdultFriendFinder, and they rendezvous once a month or so. Still, she says she longs for something more meaningful, longer lasting and, ironically enough, "honest."
"As you get older it's harder to meet people, especially at somewhere like a bar where you always see the same faces and everyone is drinking," she says. "I do believe in true love and many times I thought I had found it, but it always ended in someone's heart being broken, usually mine. After being in two bad marriages, sometimes I think I'm not good at this. But I want to grow old with somebody. I don't want to be alone my whole life."
A Cumbersome Institution
After 10 years of marriage, Doug Mitchell still loved his wife, but there was just something missing. Then he met "Kelly" in a bar, sparks flew, and a torrid affair ensued. While the extramarital affair helped put some excitement and sexual energy back into his life, Mitchell was wracked with guilt. Looking to commiserate with others about what he was going through, he started a little one-page website explaining his situation and asking for advice. Responses from other like-minded folks poured in, and Mitchell eventually turned his site into Philanderers.com. Since its inception in 1998, Philanderers.com has had over 30,000 members.
"I think marriage is still the institution that creates the fabric of our society, but the reality of it is that the constraints that are expected in a union like that tend to become cumbersome when you consider how much is out there," Mitchell says. "There are people in this world who blunder along, blindly thinking everything is fine when in fact their spouse is screaming for attention and just not getting it. Maybe other aspects of the marriage are fine -- they have a nice house, a nice circle of friends -- but something is missing."
That certainly seems to be the case with most of the people interviewed for this story. While they all have their own unique circumstances, there are many similarities as well. You may think they're amoral, they may confirm your worst suspicions about men and women, or their stories may hit a little too close to home.
"Jim," 29, lives in Fayetteville, NC, works as a contractor, and is engaged to be married this spring. However, his fiancee has no idea that he's a member of both AdultFriendFinder and Ashley Madison. "For now, seeing other women is fun and exciting and it makes me feel like I'm much younger," he says. "Plus someone may surprise me and teach me a thing or two that I can bring back to my relationship. But I think I'm doing my last bit of whoring before I tie the knot."
Jim says that over the past several months he's had "discreet encounters" with three different women he's met on-line, all in their mid-30s and "unhappily married." "All three were professional women who wanted more spice in the bedroom that their husbands weren't providing. They all said the same thing: "I love my husband but I need something different.'"
Jim says that with all three women, after an initial on-line contact, they met at a local jazz bar where they could talk and have a drink. On the second meeting they met at a hotel for the rendezvous.
"One in particular had sex on her mind from the first time we said hello at the bar," he says. "This "lady' and I enjoyed a hotel room the same day, and we have met once a week for the past month to unwind."
"Leslie" is 38, lives in the Matthews area and works in the legal profession. She's been married eight years and joined Ashley Madison about three months ago because her "marriage is boring."
"My husband focuses on work and not me," she says. Leslie has met several nice men, most of whom she says are also bored and unfulfilled at home, but are also very cautious because they have a lot at stake. "I'm not sure what I'm looking for but it is definitely not a one-night stand," she says. "I want to be noticed and thought of. I don't feel guilty because I have confronted my husband numerous times about spending more quality time with me and not just focusing on work. I am very lonely."
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St. Stephen Treasure Sale @ St. Stephen United Methodist Church
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Tantra Speed Date® - Charlotte! Meet Singles Speed Dating @ YogaSix Ballantyne
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Spruce Pine Alien Festival @ Spruce Pine Alien Festival
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