The Best of The Blotter 2011 

Page 2 of 3

Chivalry's Death: A 22-year-old woman called police after someone broke into her residence. She told officers that an unknown suspect gained entry into her apartment through an unsecured door while she was gone. She returned to find that the suspect had left a path of flowers from her kitchen to her bedroom and written on two mirrors and a television "indicating the way he felt about her."

Nacho Stop: Police responded to a domestic dispute at a bus stop last week after a man and woman were witnessed beating each other up while waiting for the bus. The report states that early one evening, the woman walked into the Taco Bell where her boyfriend works and started harassing him. He left and walked to the bus stop where she grabbed him and wouldn't let him get onto the bus. The man was able to push her off of him ... and decided to step on her head while he waited for police to come and assist him. Both of the parties were arrested for assault and all parties on the bus were able to capture some awesome cell phone videos.

Now Steal This

Bright Futures: Employees at The Creek Lounge on Monroe Road called police after their building was broken into last week. Sometime during the afternoon, someone broke in and took a 32-inch flat screen TV and $1,700 worth of neon signs — including a frog, a lizard, a blue marlin, a Carolina Panthers sign and many more. Police haven't found the suspect yet but are searching satellite images for any house in Charlotte that is glowing from space.

Clothes Hopping: Employees at a local Kohl's store called police after a woman attempted to carry out a very complex, if not convincing, shoplifting scam. Employees told officers the woman first entered the store and brought several items of clothing back to the dressing room. She concealed some of them under her clothes and brought the rest back to the return desk at customer service as if she had already bought them. The woman was given a store gift card for the clothing and continued to browse the store. She then brought more items to the dressing rooms and concealed some of them under her already bulging clothing. She attempted to pay for the rest with her fraudulent gift card but was stopped by security. I guess if you try all shoplifting methods at once, you figure one will work.

So Meaty: Employees at a local supermarket called police after a man was caught shoplifting. One witness told officers that she watched the suspect walk into the store and start stuffing meat into his pants in plain view. When the employee approached the suspect and asked him to please stop and place all the meat on the counter, he punched her in the face. He ran off with "both hands on the meat, still in his pants." Do I even need a joke?

Party Bag: Employees at a local Walmart called police after catching a woman attempting to shoplift from their store. When police arrived, they searched the woman's bag and found assorted bras and panties, nutty bars and a whole mesquite turkey. They also found five crack rocks in the purse.

Hot Date: Employees at a local Walmart called police after two men shoplifted from their store. Multiple employees saw the men concealing items throughout the store before they both left and got away for a short time. Officers responding to the call saw the men a short distance away and apprehended them both after having to chase one. The two men were found to have $1,688 worth of Crest Teeth Whitening Strips, $150 worth of razors, $140 worth of dental adhesive and more than $900 worth of DVDs (everything from Rambo to Toy Story 3). Looks like your Match.com date will have to wait.

Perky: Employees at a local Victoria's Secret called police after witnessing a woman shoplifting. The woman walked out of the store with 60 bras and hasn't been seen since. As far as who did it, only Victoria knows.

Hide Your Kids: A 37-year-old man called police to report that his suitcase had been stolen when his car was broken into. He told officers the only things that he had in the suitcase were a men's suit, two clergy robes, one clergy vest, one clergy collar and a clergy shirt.

Rolling Deep: A 59-year-old man called police after someone stole a lot of equipment from the backyard of his home. He told officers that two unknown suspects left his backyard with a riding lawnmower, three push mowers, a leaf blower and nine bicycles. Police are looking for the getaway driver, who apparently has 20 legs.

Bad Santa: A 43-year-old woman called police after someone stole her vehicle with all her children's Christmas presents. In the trunk of the car, the woman was storing a Barbie laptop, a child's piano, an MP3 player, a juice maker, a marshmallow maker and some girl's clothing. If you have a heart and read this, you will return that stuff. Except the marshmallow maker — that sounds awesome.