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The Best of the Blotter
Charlotte's most bizarre, violent, drug-induced and downright hilarious tales of crime
By Jared NeumarkPage 4 of 6
JIM CARREY IMPERSONATION: A cable guy began chatting up a client about his plans to start a massage company. Unsolicited, he began to rub the woman's back as a demonstration. The first time this happened, she got up and walked into the kitchen, hoping the creepy cable guy would get the hint. He didn't. He walked over to her at the kitchen table where she was writing a check for the cable and continued the massage. The woman stated that while she was uncomfortable, she did not tell the cable masseuse not to touch her.
FREE FISH: A woman returned from the restroom of a seafood restaurant on Pineville-Matthews Road and found her dining mate gone. In his place, there was a note. "Sorry I came expecting to ask you for money, but you owe me from so far back so I decided tonight was on you. Thanks Tamara."
FOOD FIGHT: A woman walked into a fitness center to speak with a male employee she knew. During the conversation, the woman became enraged and threw her lunch (which she was holding for some reason) at the man. Barbeque chicken and mashed potatoes were hurled from the Tupperware container. The woman added insult to injury by mashing the food into the carpet with her foot. She was charged with assault and damage to property.
STICKMAN: Waiting outside a soup kitchen, a homeless man was approached by another homeless man known as Stickman, who was without his trademark stick. Stick-less Stickman accused the man of stealing his namesake. The man denied it. So Stickman ran into the nearby woods to fetch another stick and returned to break in his new tree appendage. Stickman hit the man he believed took his stick on the hand.
STAY AWAY FROM MY GRANDMA!: A desperate and lonely man longing to see his ex-girlfriend, who had filed a restraining order against him, turned to his last option: a grandma. The man told his ex's grandma all about the separation and how he was wronged in hopes that granny would call her granddaughter and go to bat for him. The granddaughter stated that her crazy ex had never met her grandma.
NEXT TIME TRY A KNIFE: An intoxicated man pulled out his cutlery on a family member and made threatening stabbing gestures with his fork. When police arrived, the man began yelling at them. He refused to drop his weapon or place his hands behind his back. According to the police report, "the suspect was arrested for resisting arrest." Isn't that a catch-22?
MR. ED: A University area woman reported an unknown person repeatedly called her cell phone. The first time, the caller asked, "Do you have a horse?" The woman does not have a horse, so she said "no" and hung up. The second time, the caller asked to speak to some unknown person. The third time, the caller asked for someone named Eric.
FIRE SALE: A shopper decided to create his own sale at a Value City. He damaged the top of a dresser and then marked down the price on the tag. He found a sales representative and purchased the dresser at the new bargain price. He was caught on tape and arrested at his home the next day. Ironically, Value City will now have to mark down the armoire to sell it.
Sexy Time
UNDER-NOTHING COP: An undercover cop was doing his sleuthing at a sauna in the YMCA men's locker room recently. Covered only by a skimpy towel, the cop was solicited for oral sex by a man, who began to masturbate. He was arrested.
CHEDDAR BEEF GETS ME HOT: An employee at an East Charlotte Arby's witnessed a man enter the eatery at 8:40 p.m. on a Monday evening. The man proceeded into the men's restroom and attempted to have sex on the sink. Unfortunately, the report does not indicate who or what the man attempted to have sex with. The report does indicate, however, that the man shattered the sink, valued at $200. Afterwards, the sink sex culprit left Arby's without attempting to make contact with management about fixing the sink.
STALKER SAFETY TIP: For two weeks, a woman received harassing phone calls at home and on her cell phone. She advised the gentleman caller that she didn't want anything to do with him. Still, he calls to say pseudo-romantic things like, "I just want to hear your voice." The situation entered another realm of creepiness when the woman spotted the man in her neighborhood as she was driving one day. The man followed her in his car. First, she decided to lose him then changed her mind. She made a u-ey to face him and wrote down his plate number. After the encounter, she got a message on her phone from the man. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's dangerous to do your hair while you're driving?" The woman acknowledges she was fixing her hair when she first passed the man in her car, but wouldn't acknowledge that there is a better time to primp.
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Calendar
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Spruce Pine Alien Festival @ Spruce Pine Alien Festival
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Robots, Rockets, & Rovers @ The Schiele Museum of Natural History and Planetarium
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Double Trouble Improv Comedy Night @ CATCh
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AllMachines
- Through Dec. 30, 12-9 p.m.
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AllMachines - Raymond Forklift
- Through Dec. 30, 12-5 p.m.
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Street Stories 11
Secrets and legends behind Charlotte's long and winding roads
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Get Out of theWay! 1
Brian Robinson -- the mover who stranded a house on Providence Rd. -- is back on the streets
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Sniper School 1
Private camps teach just about sniper skills
