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The Blotter: Jump At Your Own Risk 

Bizzare crime from Charlotte police files (April 6)

Dangerous Game A 27-year-old woman near Uptown filed a police report after someone tried to sabotage her backyard toys, either in order to get to her or her children. The woman told officers that known suspects sliced through the bottom of a trampoline in her yard, possibly hoping someone would try to jump and go straight through to the ground.

Avon Barksdale Warrants are being sought on a known suspect after they stole a small amount of candy from a hospital coffee kiosk. According to the report, the suspect walked off with the candy that he took from a kiosk in Novant Health Presbyterian Medical Center in the Elizabeth neighborhood. Probably believing that he was being overcharged for some procedure elsewhere in the hospital, or maybe even thinking that his health insurance plan covered unhealthy foods, the man allegedly left with $20 worth of candy.

On the 'Hood A 68-year-old man in southeast Charlotte learned last week that standing on his porch yelling, "Get off my lawn," won't be enough for him as he enters his golden years — he'll also need to keep those damn kids off his car. The man filed a report with police last week stating that $100 of damage had been done to the hood of his car by neighborhood kids playing on the vehicle, apparently for lack of a playground.

Welcome Back Management at Royal Inn and Suites near the airport were ready for a couple of their tenants to get the hell out last week, but ended up having to let them stay just a little longer. According to a report, officers responded to the west Charlotte hotel in response to a request to escort the tenants off the property, but "based on documents presented by both parties and dialogue with all parties," a decision was made to let them stay for one more night. That's going to make for an awkward free breakfast in the morning.

School Daze A student is facing possession of marijuana charges and school disciplinary action after unexpectedly walking into a surprise search situation and not being able to ditch his stash. According to a report, students at Turning Point Academy were being searched on a stage when a blunt — or marijuana wrapped in a cigar, for the reefer ignorant — dropped to the stage floor. The kid wasn't as sneaky as he thought, however, as the school resource officer and another witness both saw him drop it. While he suffers through/enjoys his suspension, he'll at least have plenty of time to read our upcoming 4/20 issue. In an unrelated incident, a Carmel Middle School student was found to be on another level of stoner from anyone we'd ever met in junior high. The kid was found in possession of five weed brownies and 250 milligrams of cannabis oils made for a vape pen.

Karmic Justice A Good Samaritan did the right thing last week when he caught a pervert in the act in east Charlotte. According to the police report, the witness caught a man peeping into the window of a 10-year-old girl's bedroom while she was inside. While we wouldn't usually include a sex offense in this relatively lighthearted column, we would like to cheer the person who caught him, as the report states that the suspect had to be transported to Novant Presbyterian before he could be taken to jail, due to "injuries incurred by the witness" while he detained the suspect and waited for police to arrive.

Honesty as Policy Being a police officer can be a tough gig, especially when you're refused the little joys in life, such as finding money on the ground. A police officer filed a report last week stating that they were responding to an assault with a deadly weapon call in a parking lot on The Plaza. While helping the victim, the officer found a $20 in the parking lot that nobody on the scene claimed. Instead of buying himself breakfast after a long graveyard shift, however, he turned it into property control as found property and filed a report.

Clean Getaway A thief in South End last week has a new wardrobe after taking the trend of stealing packages off the porches of victims to another level. A 27-year-old man told police that someone stole 10 to 15 dress shirts off his front porch that had been delivered there by his dry cleaner. He said the shirts were custom-fit at the neck, so it's unlikely the thief will even be able to fit into them. In an unrelated incident, a woman learned that her new apartment complex may not be as safe as she had hoped. She told police that she sat her brown leather sofa on the bottom floor of the complex for just 20 minutes while she waited for the movers to arrive to put it into her apartment, but when they got there someone had already taken it away.

Threat of the Week A 38-year-old teacher filed a police report last week after being threatened by one of her students through proxy. She said the suspect told her he was going to have his sister come to the school and "handle her," and also threatened that he himself was going to "snatch her nappy wig off her head." Worth mentioning: the victim works at an elementary school.

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