Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Tortoise

Posted By on Wed, Dec 20, 2006 at 12:00 PM

Name of Kama Sutra Position: The Tortoise

Getting into the position: The woman and man sit face to face. The manÕs toes should be caressing his partnerÕs nipples (yes, you read this right). Her feet are firmly pressed against his heart as they make love holding onto each other's hands.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?
I gave it a 3, but mostly due to its cute name.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position? 
I cannot even imagine getting into this position and actually consummating it in any possible way or fashion. I would definitely have to see it to believe it!

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position? 
I felt like pretzel dough that has just been twisted around and shaped and then balled up tightly and slapped on the table to be reshaped all over again.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position?
I seriously doubt that many people will be able to successfully pull this one off É but if you do? Heaven help you getting out of it.

How long did you last in the position? 
We played around with this position for about 10 minutes of solid laughing.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): N/A
Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): N/A

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man:
N/A
Woman: N/A

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 
Well, perhaps a little bit ... but mostly because of the laughing and having a good time together. If the appendages would have somehow connected together to allow actual intercourse, there would have been quite an intimate feeling of team work and accomplishment.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man:
I had a little rug burn from this one.
Woman: Her inner child was the only thing scarred with humiliation.

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less? 
The position felt like trying to have sex in one of the most impossible positions that anyone could ever think of. I have attempted to think of something even more impossible and could only come up with doing it in an armored suit in a puddle of super glue.

Did she reach orgasm? Yeah right!
Did he reach orgasm? No

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)? 
No. I think that this position is better left unsaid and undone. There are two kinds of sex positions in this world, those that are meaningful and pleasurable and those that are well, just plain stupid!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
Nope, he says with a hysterical laugh!

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