CL Undressed Carolinas

Name of Kama Sutra Position:  The Green Thorn Apple

Getting into the position: Crush milky chunks of cactus with sulfur and realgar. Dry this mixture seven times until it can be easily turned into powder. Add in a monkey turd and sprinkle mixture over your lovers head.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?

I give this position a  negative 1 ...

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?

No, but it would sure be difficult to gather these ingredients.

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position?

It would make you feel more like an idiot than a pretzel.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position: N/A

How long did you last in the position? N/A

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): N/A
Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): N/A

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man: N/A
Woman: N/A

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 

This is another Kama Sutra recipe that is designed to increase the intimacy through the powers of a magical elixir. I will say, however, that any man who goes through these lengths for his lover is very intimate and loving toward her. Either that or belongs in a straight jacket É

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: Would probably receive at least one black eye in the process.
Woman: A bad hair day for sure!

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less? 

So what is this elixir actually for, youÕre probably dying to know. It is to enslave your lover for the rest of their life! They will be within your powers and have only the deepest of desires for you and nobody else. Interestingly, it is the addition of the monkey turd that gives it this magical property.

Did she reach orgasm? N/A
Did he reach orgasm? N/A

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)? 

NO! Try this technique at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for either the collection of the ingredients É or the pummeling you receive from your lover afterward!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?

DonÕt do it É just read and laugh!

Name of Kama Sutra Position: Loves Noose

Getting into the position: The woman is lying flat on her back with her legs spread. The man approaches her from above and straddles her in such a way that he can encircle and entrap her thighs with his own. Now the man is instructed to "enjoy the lovely girl," and enjoy her, you shall!

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?
This position is an 8.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position? No

Did you feel like a pretzel?  Were you able to do the motions once in position? 
Yes, this position does give way to the feeling of a pretzel, but in a good way.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position? No

How long did you last in the position?
10 minutes

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): She liked it very much.
Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): I liked it too.

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man: It was comfortable enough É but definitely not too relaxing. You wouldnÕt want it to be!
Woman: Fairly comfortable as long as it is a short period of time.

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 
Yes, there is just something to be said about those intense, driving positions that create intimacy through trust and desire. For some positions you have to work it to get that extra Òoomph,Ó but this one lends itself over on a Òquivered yoniÓ platter!

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: No.
Woman: No

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less?
I felt like a caveman who had snuck up on a sleeping female and devised a way to "bust a nut" without actually getting his nuts busted in the process. There is something very animalistic and prehistoric about this motion, but does comes naturally, which makes for a quick learning curve.

Did she reach orgasm? Yes
Did he reach orgasm? Yes

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? No

Would you do this position again (why or why not)?
Yes, most definitely. This is one of those positions that can become a staple. It is easy to accomplish and brings enjoyment to both the man and the woman.

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
It is the manÕs responsibility to keep this position pleasurable and exciting and not too painful for the woman. It is very easy to get excited and clamp down on her legs and bring an end to the trust and fun.  Be aware of the delicate balance between pleasure and pain.

Name of Kama Sutra Position: The Tripod

Getting into the position: The man stands, pinning his partner against a wall or stationary object. Then he pulls up his lover's knee until he is able to penetrate her yoni with the force and vigor of a young jackrabbit pumped up with steroids and Viagra.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?
This position deserves a healthy number 8.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?
No

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position? 
Motions were all rather natural and innate.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position? 
If she has a yoni and a knee, all you'll need is the steroids and Viagra.

How long did you last in the position? 
10 minutes, before moving on to something else

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): 
Yes, she thought it was very intense and passionate.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): 
Yes.

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable?  Were you able to relax?
Man: Yes I was pretty comfortable
Woman: She would not say comfortable, but for a short duration it is rather pleasurable.

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)?
Yes, there is a lot of passion and physical involvement between both parties which cause you to be very aware of each other and what feels good. The heightened arousal of a standing position gives a sense of urgency and boosts the shared intimate emotion involved.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: No
Woman: No

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less? 
Those fantasies of a quickie in an abandoned parking lot, just grabbing your lover anywhere, anytime ... pinning her against a wall and passionately making love to her. And when you pull up that knee, she will really know you mean business!

Did she reach orgasm? No, but it warmed her up for a good one.
Did he reach orgasm? It warmed me up too.

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)? 
I would most definitely do again. Using a few cooking terms, I would say that it tenderizes and marinades the female genitalia and gets her hot and ready for a slew of Kama Sutra delights. However, given the properly equipped kitchen Ñ icing, corn starch and a whipping spoon Ñ this could make one heck of a main course!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
This position is plenty pleasurable as is, but playing around with the surprise impromptu attack is what makes this particular Kama Sutra gem such a classic! This would be a staple on the island of Hedonism III. So, what are you waiting for? Pack your toothbrush, book those tickets and leave your clothes at home!

Name of Kama Sutra Position: Splitting the Bamboo

Getting into the position: The man begins the position seated above the woman with his legs "split" around her waist. While the womanÕs body is held erect and still, the man guides his manhood into her yoni and proceeds to make love to her.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)? 
This was a very surprising 9.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position? 
Yes, there can be a fair amount of difficulty getting into this position. The trickiest part will be getting the "pony" into her "yoni" while seated on top of her with your legs "split" (spread). But rest assured, it is entirely possible if you stay focused on the task at hand.

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position? 
I felt exactly as the name suggests É a stick of splitting bamboo with one heck of a ÒsplinterÓ in between.  The motions are not really described well in the book, so it takes awhile to find your footing (literally) and decide exactly what motions fit with the stance.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position?
No, you are kind of on your own with this one. I donÕt really remember the secret of getting connected into this position, but once youÕre in, the getting out is the easy part.

How long did you last in the position?
20 minutes

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): 
She had several toe curling orgasms.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man):
I had one gigantic orgasm and about 15 minutes of tantric sex, riding the edge of orgasm. It was awesome!

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man: Not particularly comfortable at all.
Woman: Yes, as long as I did not put all my weight onto her legs.

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 
Yes, this was very intimate. I think it is best described as a bit of a role reversal. You have the man on top with his legs spread performing prescribed motions while the female is rigidly seated enjoying his reactions. There is an untold intimacy allowing each other to experience sex through the eyes of how the other must see it.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: No
Woman: No

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less? 
Because this seems to be a role reversal, all I could think of during its motions is that this is exactly the experience my partner has when she is making love on top of me. It was a strange thought and feeling, but rather erotic at the same time.

Did she reach orgasm? Yes, the clitoris stimulation is unmatched.
Did he reach orgasm? Yes

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? 
Yes, perhaps a bit; but I wouldnÕt change a thing.

Would you do this position again (why or why not)? 
Yes, tantric sex, or otherwise being able to hold an orgasm for extended lengths of time, has long been something I have wanted to master and it would appear that this position might possibly help teach its technique.

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
DO NOT sit on your partner and put all your weight on her legs as some illustrations would thus seem to describe because you will crush her. You also need to be very open to the experience, as it is very different from the usual, but worth it!

Name of Kama Sutra Position: The Tortoise

Getting into the position: The woman and man sit face to face. The manÕs toes should be caressing his partnerÕs nipples (yes, you read this right). Her feet are firmly pressed against his heart as they make love holding onto each other's hands.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?
I gave it a 3, but mostly due to its cute name.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position? 
I cannot even imagine getting into this position and actually consummating it in any possible way or fashion. I would definitely have to see it to believe it!

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position? 
I felt like pretzel dough that has just been twisted around and shaped and then balled up tightly and slapped on the table to be reshaped all over again.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position?
I seriously doubt that many people will be able to successfully pull this one off É but if you do? Heaven help you getting out of it.

How long did you last in the position? 
We played around with this position for about 10 minutes of solid laughing.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): N/A
Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): N/A

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man: N/A
Woman: N/A

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 
Well, perhaps a little bit ... but mostly because of the laughing and having a good time together. If the appendages would have somehow connected together to allow actual intercourse, there would have been quite an intimate feeling of team work and accomplishment.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: I had a little rug burn from this one.
Woman: Her inner child was the only thing scarred with humiliation.

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less? 
The position felt like trying to have sex in one of the most impossible positions that anyone could ever think of. I have attempted to think of something even more impossible and could only come up with doing it in an armored suit in a puddle of super glue.

Did she reach orgasm? Yeah right!
Did he reach orgasm? No

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)? 
No. I think that this position is better left unsaid and undone. There are two kinds of sex positions in this world, those that are meaningful and pleasurable and those that are well, just plain stupid!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
Nope, he says with a hysterical laugh!

Name of Kama Sutra Position: The Coitus of the Gods

Getting into the position: The position is described as both the man and woman lying flat on a surface with their appendages, hands and torso directly overtop of one anotherÕs. Clasping each other's hands like two starfish making love, the lovers press their chests together and stretch out their thighs and arms while mimicking and complimenting each other's motions.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)? 
This position is a mediocre 6.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?
No

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position?
The feeling of a gingerbread man comes to mind rather than the pretzel. The motions are very simple to perform and were, in fact, so simple that I became rather bored of its execution after about É well, a minute or two.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position? 
You shouldnÕt need them.

How long did you last in the position? 
We lasted about 5 minutes before we became bored and decided to move on to something else a little bit more exciting.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): Yes, very enjoyable.
Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): I would say that it is actually a great way to get warmed up for some real action.

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man: I could truly have fallen asleep in this one É and I donÕt necessarily mean that entirely in a bad way. There is a sense of warmth, comfort and safety in this position.
Woman: She described it as being very comfortable and satisfying.

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 
Yes, I would say that this is an intimate position. I cannot think of another position in the book that has more direct eye and skin on skin contact. The lack of motion and physical pleasure was made up by its magnitude of emotional intimacy.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: No
Woman: No

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less?
The position felt like we were making snow angels in bed. The feeling of my partner's body enveloping mine brought about an intense feeling of unity and passion wrapped up into one double-sided gingerbread man with Òdouble-stuffÓ icing smeared in between.

Did she reach orgasm? No
Did he reach orgasm? No

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? 
I think it would take a while to have an orgasm using this position alone.

Would you do this position again (why or why not)?
Yes, we will most definitely do this position again. I can really imagine it on a cold winter eve embraced under a bear skin rug next to the fire keeping each other warm!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
It is what it is É and quite frankly I canÕt think of any way to bring more pleasure without taking away from the unity and intimacy of its basic and simple embrace.

Name of Kama Sutra Position: Apadravyas

Getting into the position: The man rubs his manhood with wasp stings and then massages it with oil as it begins to swell. It is then prescribed that he let it dangle through the bed for 10 nights using a cool ointment to soothe the pain and swelling. After the 10th night, with the bonus of a rather enlarged manhood, he will be ready to make love to his woman.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?
1

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?
I did not actually do this, but its interesting nature at least deserves an honorary mention.

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position?
N/A

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position? 
I would highly recommend first asking your partner before punching a hole into your box spring (or water mattress). Some women frown highly on such an action and you will find yourself rather alone with one heck of a John Holmes replica (and nothing to do with it). Perhaps between the couch cushions would be an appropriate resting place in todayÕs world of orthopedic mattresses and memory foam.

How long did you last in the position? 
N/A

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman): She thought it sounded creepy.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man): Probably couldnÕt think of anything much other than the pain.

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man: N/A
Woman: N/A

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)? 
OK, any man willing to put himself through such lengths to enlarge himself for the pleasure of his woman is incredibly into her and her needs and should be either congratulated or committed to an asylum.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?
Man: My manhood would never be the same if I did, in fact, come out of this in one piece. The scary part is some men of India are said to have lived their lives using this method in order to stay enlarged. I think I would rather take my chances with the pill and pump option.
Woman: She would be just fine and dandy!

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less? 
Now while I have never done this, I have thought about it quite extensively. I think it would simulate having your manhood slammed in a car door, put through a meat grinder and then seasoned with a few dashes of salt.

Did she reach orgasm? N/A
Did he reach orgasm? N/A

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm? N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)? 
I would hope I never even THINK of this position again!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
Use the pump and pills instead. DonÕt throw your sex life away, young Kama Sutra grasshoppers!

Name of Kama Sutra Position: The Swing

Getting into the position:

Begin by sitting face to face in bed with the womanÕs breasts pressed tightly against the manÕs chest. The lovers should lock heels behind each other's waists and lean back while clasping one another's wrists. Then set the swing gently in motion. This is "Dolita" (the Swing).

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?

I would give it a 6 for both the effort involved and its level of fun.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?
 

Yes!

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position?
 

I would say that a pretzel fits the description of this one perfectly.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position?

It is easiest to get situated while in the cowgirl position. Then when youÕre ready, have the woman slide down between your legs and then you can clasp ankles around each other, grab wrists and start teetering around like thereÕs no tomorrow É

How long did you last in the position?

We lasted until we both almost fell off the bed for the third time.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman):

Not bad, as it actually gives slight clitoris stimulation.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man):
 

IÕd say not too bad É but not too good either.

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?

Man: I was comfortable for three minutes. My testicles, however, were beginning to fall asleep (could just be my own problem though).

Woman: She was only slightly comfortable and relaxed.

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)?

Yes, this is definitely a romp through adult toyland with all your best goodies and cash prizes up for grabs and display. You are staring right at each other most of the time and working as a team. It was probably the most childish fun IÕve had since I was 9 years old around the back of my neighborÕs tool shed with my school bus crush, Angie Hansen.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?

Man:  No.

Woman:  No.

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less?

The position felt like one of those spring-loaded playground characters you can bounce and teeter on. It feels stimulating, but since you canÕt move your genitals much once you are locked together, it is not a really intense position by any means. But it is still fun!

Did she reach orgasm? No

Did he reach orgasm? No!

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm?

N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)?

Yes I would. It definitely breaks up the monotony of day-to-day sex play and I think it has some real possibilities.

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable?
Guard rails for the bed? I also think that you could vary this particular position with a few other Kama Sutra gems, such as Churning of the Cream to create one world-class nut- and ovary-busting experience! And in this case, the ÒbustingÓ would be a good thing!

Name of Kama Sutra Position: The Wrestler

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?
While I would say it actually has the possibilities of becoming a solid 8, I had to give it a 3. Unless your partner is a contortionist, this position is very hard to negotiate.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?
Yes we did!

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position?
The male should have no problems getting down on bended knee with his readied Òdog.Ó It is the woman who will probably barely be able to grab her ankles while on her belly and pull them up far enough to get the ÒdogÓ anywhere near her Òsesame seed bun.Ó

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position?
I have a couple of thoughts here. The man can actually help the woman by pulling up on her feet in order to help her grasp them. Chances are, however, if she couldn't get her feet up there in the first place, she wonÕt be able to hold them there long. This poses a dangerous situation (it is all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!).

How long did you last in the position?
Didn't ever get started

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman):
No, she did not care for it, but she did find it rather funny.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man):
I actually did not enjoy this one either.

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?
Man: I was comfortable, but also very sexually frustrated during the act.

Woman: She gives the big thumb down to both questions.

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)?

No, this position actually seems to pull you apart as a couple and force you to concentrate on yourself rather than the enjoyment of each other.

Are you achy or sore after the fact?

Man: Yes, I actually received a small bruise on my forearm when she lost her grip on her ankle on one occasion.

Woman: No complaints ...

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less?

The position felt like having sex with a blow-up doll with its hind legs tied behind its back and several quarter-sized holes drilled all over its felt vinyl exterior. Every time I had it lifted and in position, it would deflate and fall (along with that of my expectations and swelled manhood).

Did she reach orgasm?
No

Did he reach orgasm?
No way!

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm?

N/A

Would you do this position again (why or why not)?
You know, I was actually quite excited about trying this position -- "was" being the keyword here.  While I would like to think that I would try it again, I am actually slightly afraid of getting injured on this one. In my opinion, spring-loaded feet, an exhausted woman and the delicate male testicle just do not mix!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable:
No... this one is pretty much hopeless for most!

Position: The Orisson

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate position (1 as horrible, 10 as sexual nirvana)?
Yes! At long last we finally have a solid 10.

Did you have difficulty getting into the position?
No difficulty getting into position, but the building of the contraption to raise my partner safely was ("safely" being the key word here) but that's a whole different story.

Did you feel like a pretzel? Were you able to do the motions once in position?
The motions were all quite simple É so I would say I felt most like a vanilla yogurt pretzel going in for its dip of creamy sweet yogurt goodness.

Any recommendations on getting either in or out of this position:
There are no recommendations for getting in or out of position, but I think this is a good place to talk about the construction of the harness necessary for the position. The basic contraption can either be purchased commercially or hand made. If you build it yourself, it should cost you about $50. You will need several feet of high tensile strength rope, a pulley, a comfortable harness or netting, and a sturdy beam from which to hang it.

How long did you last in the position?
20 minutes.

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the woman):
A solid two thumbs up!

Enjoyment once you were in position (for the man):
Ditto.

Short Answers:

Was the position comfortable? Were you able to relax?

Man: I was comfortable, but once the games begun I would say that there was not a whole lot of relaxing going on ...

Woman: She was very comfortable and relaxed.

Would you consider this to be an intimate position (why or why not)?
Yes, this is a very intimate position and due to its delicate nature and execution involves a lot of trust. Because the male lies down with his partner dangling over him while pulling herself up and down upon his member, this says nothing but TRUST! As a woman strung up in a rather immobile and vulnerable position with a very excited and intense partner living out his most wild and vivid fantasies through her É TRUST!

Are you achy or sore after the fact?

Man: No.

Woman: No.

What did the position feel like (both mentally and physically) in 50 words or less?
It was a culmination of several dreams coming true. ItÕs as close to making love in a zero gravity chamber as most people will ever get. In addition, you can try all of your wildest fantasies and dreams without the need of he-man strength to hold your partner.

Did she reach orgasm?
ÒYes É yes É oh, oh yes ÉÓ

Did he reach orgasm?
Yes!

Did it take longer than usual to reach orgasm?
I actually had to work to keep it going as long as possible.

Would you do this position again (why or why not)?
Oh please let me live long enough to experience this at least once more! It really has to be experienced to know the pleasures that it can give. What are you waiting for? It certainly isnÕt going to build itself and your in-laws probably arenÕt going to help you either!

Any suggestions to make the position more pleasurable:
Have fun. Play around with each other and try as many different positions as you can imagine É you never know what is going to feel good!