Seeing as how I'm on summer vacation, I'm going to actually not work, and by work I mean write a blog. Sorry! Technically it's a bachelorette party, but I have so many to attend each summer, I just write them off as what I get to constitute as summer vacation. It's my favorite thing about my friends getting married, as they result in vacations with the girls.

For our last bachelorette party over Memorial Day weekend, we had an ugly bridesmaid dress —slash— 80s prom. See:

No, I did not steal that from awkwardfamilyphotos.com — that is my real awkward family photo. Because that's what those girls are, my family. And every time one of them gets married, I get another brother and the family gets bigger. I'll hand it to them — they've known me my entire life, know everything about me, and still like me.

Remember when my intern signed me up for Match.com ... and then proceeded to browse online dates for me, finding me a "Situation" and a guy like Alan from Hangover. Well, payback is a bitch. Recently single, I gave Jordan a work assignment to fill out her own little dating questionnaire, just like she did for me on Match. With this one being a little less conventional.

But what she doesn't know is that I had her make it so I could post it on here and pimp her out.

Then, I'm going to make her go out with every guy who responds to this classified ad. (Except the ones that seem like they might be serial killers.)

Send all inquiries to brittney.cason@creativeloafing.com.

Now it's my turn to play matchmaker and pay her back. The favor that is — *wink.*

So everybody, meet Jordan ... my single intern.

And find her dating profile below. Muahahahaha.

I'm sure I can speak for all the single ladies when I say that we don't want boyfriends. Because we don't want a boy ... we want a man. So why don't they call them manfriends?

Sure, boyfriends can mature into husbands, but we want a man from the get-go in a relationship, without having to marry him. But calling a guy a husband doesn't necessarily make him a man either — it's his actions and integrity that do that.

Women want a real man to protect us — not a little boy we have to raise and take the cookie away from when they've been bad.

A boyfriend is what you have in high school. A manfriend is someone who knows how to treat a lady and make her feel like a woman — not a girl. For example, he's someone who knows how to conduct himself in public with his woman, and understands the difference between being protective and overprotective. A manfriend will provide for a woman however he can, be it help her fix her car so the mechanic doesn't take advantage of her. Or take the car to the mechanic himself. A manfriend is just that a man. And a friend.

And men-friends, we'll be real women, not girls, for you.

Although, anyone who believes in The Bronx Tale's test theory, in which a real woman is one who, after you open her door for her, will reach over and unlock the door for you. Since the invention of automatic locks, we can't exactly pass the test.

Boys 2 Men ... ABC, BBD.

How do you tell the difference? That is the question.

Knights and princes come in disguise these days. There's no white horse nor shining armor. But have no doubt, we all have one in store for us. Problem is, we're spending too much time kissing frogs and letting the douchebags conquer. So how do you tell the difference between the frog and the prince, and your knight in shining armor and the douchebag in tin foil?

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Well ...

Does he ask you to lunch or to get drinks?

Does he help you fix your car, or not even offer to give you ride to shop?

Does he introduce you to his friends or does he blow you off for them?

Does he want to meet your friends or has he already tried to sleep with them?

Does he ask you what your plans are for the future or just later that night?

Does he text or does he actually call to correspond with you?

Does he care about your dreams or does he just want to sleep with you, before you drift off to dream?

Come to think of it ... it's really not that hard to tell the difference if you judge by his actions.

Lent starts tomorrow — I vote all the single ladies (aka princesses) give up frogs and douchebags in tin foil.

I was having dinner one evening at my married friends’ house where the entertainment was listening to them argue.

Wife: “YOU DIDN’T FEED THE DOG! You’re so worthless! I went and got dinner for us and you can’t even remember to feed the dog!”

Husband: “I’m so sorry, I forgot. I’ll do it.”

Wife: “I have to do everything around here … (bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch)”

And from there, the argument escalated, until I slyly interjected, “I’ll feed the damn dog!”

I’ve often noticed that some of my girlfriends treat their men in a way that they would never treat me: like a bitch-er. They bitch about the most insignificant things, such as taking out the trash or hoarding the remote — basically that his head isn’t inserted far enough up her ass. What I really want to say is: “You have a man who loves you, and comes home to you every nigh. Who cares if he wanted to feed himself before the dog. By the time you sat there and bitched at him for it, you could have fed the dog yourself!”

Perhaps I’m just jaded from being cheated on and lied to so much that I don’t really see chores as a relationship offense punishable by bitching. Like a survivor of a “heart-attack,” I don’t take anything for granted, especially not a man who’s loyal.

I wouldn’t care if he pees all over the toilet seat, never washes one dish, and farts in his sleep, as long as he doesn’t cheat on me — everything else is compromisable. So here are a few things women should definitely not bitch about …

1. The toilet seat. Men don’t complain about us leaving it down, so therefore, we don’t have the right to complain about them leaving it up.

2. Guy time. Just like you need your folic acid and calcium, he needs his dose of testosterone — and if you trust him (which you should if you’re with him), then why wouldn’t you want some space to hang out with your girlfriends or yourself? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so let him miss you for a few hours. And who cares if he comes home drunk, as long as he comes home to you (and didn’t drive to get there).

3. What he wears. How he dresses is how he is. You try to change a man and he’s going to change girlfriends. Imagine if he told you that dress made you look fat; same thing.

4. Money. ?If you complain about him not making enough money, well, then why don’t you just cut his balls off while you’re at it. Men often feel like they need to be the provider in the relationship. As long as he’s providing you with love and loyalty, don’t complain about what’s in his wallet.

Remember, he is a guy after all. So we should try and limit our bitchiness to once a month … when we’re menstruating. We’re at least entitled to it then.

Last week I threw a holiday dinner party that would’ve made a Johnson & Wales professor proud — or at least the deli person at Harris Teeter. So what if I served everyone on little kid zoo paper plates? They were on sale at Target.

As we sat there eating the brie ball, fruit pizza, and dates wrapped in turkey bacon washed down by skinny margaritas (which is pretty much the extent of my domestic repertoire), we realized that all nine of us girls were single.

Every. Single. One. Of. Us.

Where was everyone else I invited? Most of the other girls declined because they were cooking dinner too, for two, with their beaus. While they were all coupled up, we were singled out … that, or they just couldn’t find a babysitter.

And this is becoming a pattern I’ve noticed all too common.

As I sit here now, drinking my boxed White Sangria that was also on sale at Target in bed, alone, with a computer hoisted on my lap, I can’t help but wonder if that feeling of loneliness that comes from being single isn’t so much not having one special person, but not having as many girlfriends around anymore.

In the He Said, She Said column I wrote with Brotha Fred a while ago, we discussed how weddings are like funerals for friendships. Cason-point: I rarely get to see my married, or practically married, friends anymore … and when I do, it usually surrounds another friend’s wedding. And there I’m usually truncated to the singles table, or the kids table.

Where exactly is the division between singles and married?

It doesn’t just put you in a different tax bracket, but a different stage of life. Because as the circle of life turns, and you stand still, your friends cycle out around you.