Pat McCrory better hope that Lt. Gov. Beverly Perdue sticks to her "no negative campaigning" pledge. Otherwise, he could be in big trouble. The Charlotte mayor and new GOP gubernatorial candidate may be in trouble anyway, considering most political experts' expectations of across the board Democratic strength nationwide, but if Perdue starts poking holes in McCrory's PR image as an effective, "new style" leader -- and if she has the money to make it stick in voters' minds -- Pat could come home to Charlotte City Council meetings with his ass in a sling.

I can just see some of Perdue's TV ads now: Scenes of Charlotte's lovely summer air quality, New Year's Eve near-riots downtown, traffic jams, run-down neighborhoods, crack houses, murder rates, or McCrory showing his usual ill temper and snottiness during Council meetings -- followed by a simple message such as "Is this what you want for North Carolina?" or "Is this the 'new style' of leadership Pat McCrory is talking about? No thanks." It should be an interesting fall campaign.

By Samuel L. Jackson

I ain’t bullshitting now--this shit’s got to stop. Somebody’s got to take Hillary out behind the Capitol Building and put this bitch out of our misery. She’s clearly got some serious got-damn mental defects that don’t let her see reality.

Fuck it. I'm gonna try reasoning directly with the bitch.

Hillary. Listen. I admit I can’t fucking stand you. It’s true that whenever I hear your got-damn Margaret Hamilton cackle, I want to slap the shit out of your parents for unleashing such a soulless, whiny, selfish bitch-cunt upon the world. But I ain’t without sympathy for you, and I know it’s a hard motherfucking thing to watch as the Clinton legacy gets flushed down the toilet. But baby, if you and Bill hadn’t taken all those shits in the toilet, there’d be no reason to pull the fucking handle.

It’s time, though. It’s time to pull that handle down. As big a shit as you two took, you might even have to flush three or four times.

You gave a courtesy flush early yesterday, when one of your minions promised that you’d resign by June 15th, but then you let out a shit-stained fart later in the day by saying that you were in this race for the long got-damn haul, and the stench of your endless got-damn campaign came back with a motherfucking vengeance.

Baby, you got to let that shit go. You’re killing me. You’re killing America. If you don’t flush that shit now, baby, the toilet’s gonna blow up and we all gonna be standing knee-deep in Clintonian offal. You don’t want that, do you, Hil? So I’m asking. I’m pleading. I’m being as nice and as respectful a motherfucker as I know how to be when I say: Swallow your got-damn pride, wipe your dirty fucking ass, flush the motherfucking toilet, and come the fuck out of the bathroom so somebody else can use it. It’s time to see if my man Obam’s shit really does stink, without you tainting up the air.

News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.

By Ronald H.

The Democratic primary vote on Tuesday for the presidential election in Indiana and North Carolina was a significant one; an election so significant that voters came out in record numbers from both states -- many voting for the first time. Indiana had not had a meaningful Democratic primary election in four decades. But, with the huge voter turnout there were some problems.

As North Carolina's polls closed, votes were counted and the info wad sent to the media. News stations reported Sen. Barack Obama as the projected winner. Indiana's polls, however, had already closed at the same time as North Carolinas with the exception of a few northern counties on central time. Lake County is one of those counties with a large minority population and in close proximity to Obama's hometown of Chicago. With most of the national media waiting for the votes to come from Indiana possibly before the nightly news was broadcast, Senator Clinton wasn't declared winner of Indiana until about 5 a.m. "We just waited and waited and nothing ever came in until very late ant night," said one reporter from the Post Tribune, a daily newspaper in Northwest Indiana.

During a statement made Wednesday, Lake county election officials said that about 11,000 absentee ballots were being counted while the majority of the regular ballots that were tallied electronically had not been sent in yet. Since absentee ballots had to be counted and checked for accuracy this process was much longer. Then after feeling pressure by the nation watching and news outlets growing weary, the county then started sending in votes. Many residents have said that Lake County "has always been late" sending election results.

With more than 90 percent of the vote not being counted first, there may be questions of how effective votes are counted in Lake County during big elections like this one.

The horse is not dead; in fact, it’s still beating politics as three men fight for the position of Mecklenburg County’s police chief. After eight years, Darrel Stephens will retire his position, leaving the city with one of the lowest crime rates since 1981. City Manager Curt Walton released the names of three men yesterday who are being considered as the new chief, and beginning June 1, one of the three fresh suits will take his place. Well, maybe not so fresh; all three candidates come with over 20-years of experience. Here’s how they compare:

Contestant #1: Jerry Sennett is a deputy chief for the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. Sennett is responsible for several divisions including Support Services and Field Services and has been with the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department since 1979. He implemented COMPSTAT, a system for managing police operations that helps pin-point target areas.

The democratic primary race continues on to West Virginia. The Tuesday night primaries in Indiana and North Carolina dealt a blow to the Clinton campaign that she might not be able to recover from.

Obama continued to hold his lead in delegate count after his decisive victory in North Carolina, and his very narrow loss in Indiana. CNN called the North Carolina election for Obama at 7:30 p.m. eastern time with zero percent of the polls reporting, based simply on exit polling where at the time 92 percent of African-Americans voted for Obama.

Indiana was another story. Clinton held a sizeable lead for a majority of the night while precincts reported their numbers. But as it got later into the night, the margin began to close. Pundits wouldn’t make a prediction until Lake County had sent in their numbers. It was after midnight when the Indiana primary was called for Clinton by a mere 2-point margin and as little as 20,000 votes.

Clinton supporters are on to the next race, hoping that their candidate can pull of the miraculous round of victories she needs to catch up to Obama in delegate count, and persuade super delegates that Obama is losing strength, and she should win the nomination.

Scenarios were splashed across America’s TVs last night of how Clinton could possibly win the nomination, while others stated that the math simply isn’t in Clinton's favor no matter what she does.

Both Candidates made speeches to their constituents last night: Obama with a renewed confidence, and a direct attack on McCain, and Clinton with optimism, but the looks on Bill's and Chelsea’s faces said it all.

With another super Tuesday behind us, Obama will focus on sticking to his message and holding his own, while Clinton will do her best to find a way to have the votes for Florida and Michigan counted, try to keep her campaign financially a float by loaning herself $ 6.4 million and convince the super delegates that she is the best woman for the job.