Wednesday, June 11, 2008

P.M. Mayhem

Posted By on Wed, Jun 11, 2008 at 12:04 PM

Yesterday was a national holiday ...

The birthday of Jacinda from Brotha Fred’s A.M. Mayhem on 96.1 The Beat. You know “Jacinda with the Sleazy, Jacinda with the Sleaze” (cue David L singing the jingle) ... but last night her theme song was “Happy Birthday” (or the lyric from 50 Cent’s "In Tha Club" rather: “GO GO GO Go Shorty, it’s your birthday, we gonna party like it’s your birthday!”)

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So to embark on the celebration of National Jacinda Day, Brotha Fred’s A.M. Mayhem had a V.I.P dinner for her ... at Red Lobster.

BroFro even got his own name tag from the fine establishment ...

Meanwhile Cubby ordered and managed to kill an entire pitcher ... of Diet Coke. Jacinda on the other hand was toasting the third anniversary of her 21st birthday with margaritas. The waitress must have thought she was dehydrated or something, if her drink got below the _ mark they brought her a new one.

If you read my column last week, I know what you’re thinking… what the hell are you doing in a Red Lobster? Given my severe allergy to shellfish that’s more like a food handicap when trying to order anything off a menu at seafood restaurant. I can’t even get hushpuppies because they’re fried in the same oil as shellfish. All I could have was biscuits and beer (that sounds like the name of a country song). But even if I wanted to eat anything, I couldn’t. David L was sitting across from me cracking me up, and it’s rude to laugh with your mouth full. (You can catch David L this weekend at Pineville Dinner Theater.)

Also at the table was Marky Mark and the funky bunch from 96.9 The Kat, as well as Nashville Star winner Chris Young. Holy hottie in a cowboy hat.

We ended up playing a game of musical chairs at the table — Brotha Fred was out first, he had to leave early to go co-host FOX News Edge with my girl crush Morgan Fogarty. I had to switch seats to get away from Jacinda because she ordered crab legs and I was at risk of getting squirted with death juice. And some dude made his boy switch seats to sit closer to me. So, Jacinda made me give him my phone number … well, the number for the A.M. Mayhem Loser Line: 704-714-9639.

(Its genius — for girls who are too nice to just tell a guy “you don’t have a chance in hell,” they can just give him that phone number to call. They’ll reach a vague voice mail of a girl saying, “Hey it’s me, leave a message.” Then the guy can get publicly humiliated on air. Rejection made simple.)

After dinner Jacinda wanted to go drunk roller skating, but apparently all the skating rinks close early on Tuesday nights.

“That just ruined my life … night,” said Jacinda.

After two Coors Lights I knew it was time to hand over the keys when I tried to say “suggestions for Jacinda,” and it came out “sujinda,” which sounds like some form of martial arts.

Plan B: Karaoke — a safer form of public humiliation. So we went to Murphy’s Tavern on Woodlawn for RAVE Productions Karaoke and their 78,000 song selection. People sang a lot of those slit my wrists slow songs, but it was a great opportunity to slow dance with Cubby. Jacinda, Lauren and I got behind some chick singing and pretended to be her back up dancers. Jacinda sang Jessica Andrew’s "Who I Am," which was recorded and played on 96.1 The Beat all morning long. I remixed David L’s “Jacinda with the Sleazy,” and Chris Young sang one of his upcoming country hits and then proceeded to start break dancing. I might be in love — have I found my ghetto cowboy?

Well, I do know I found a new favorite bar - Murphy’s! They have karaoke every Tuesday and Saturday, and then the BrewSkee Ball League is in there on Wednesdays.

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