Friday, October 23, 2009

Self-snitching in the club

Posted By on Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 10:45 AM

Imagine a packed club.

Music thumping, drinks flowing (probably getting spilled on you) and if it's a good one, lots of people will be dancing.

The beautiful thing about this scene isn't just the beautiful people but those beautiful people's reactions to the music. Here lies the true answer to everything you need to know about a woman in the club.

More than what she has on, more than what she's drinking or who she's with, I'm almost convinced that a woman's reaction to certain songs can tell you exactly what she's all about.

This, is the best kind of self-snitching.

Dave Chappelle explained years ago that just because a woman is dressed like a whore doesn't mean she is one, but if she jumps out of her seat and nearly knocked over the budget champagne that sitting on ice to race to the dance floor when "Put It In My Mouth" drops, in the words of Blue Collar comedian Bill Engvall, "there's your sign."

That, of course, is an obvious example; true self-snitching observers know you have to watch future ex-girlfriend's subtle reactions to get good information.

Does she know all the lyrics and rap along to David Banner & Trina's "Look Back At Me?" Do her and her girls high five when a Jodeci record that hasn't charted in 15 years comes on? Does she pull out a move that you'd only seen at Onyx Charlotte when Too Short & Lil Jon's "Shake That Monkey" drops?

Some nights the fates, or DJ in this case, help your cause by pulling out freak self-snitching classics like Mercedes & 504 Boyz "You Can Tell," (also on the rap along/lyrical knowledge watch list) Nas & Queensbridge's Finest "Oochie Wally" and of course "Back That Ass Up"

But it isn't always this easy — reggae sets can be deceiving.

These songs induce movements and reactions that may get you to think, definitely a Go-Liver, but leave you embarrassed after you take the wrong approach just cause she freaked you to "Flex, Time To Have Sex."

Those are just the basics. Novice level freak observers looking to move up, just follow a few simple rules. Luke + 2 Live Crew songs aren't always telling, R&B can be your best friend and unexpected flashes of freak-dum should always be jotted down in your mental self-snitching notebook.

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