So, you want to get married but you're broke as a joke.

How are you going to have that special wedding that you've dreamed of since birth?

Well, you could make a porno.

That's what a couple who wants to get married in Cancun is doing and so far, they've made $2,000.

The pair, who have four children, have played a photographer and lingerie model who strip for a romp, and also appeared in a threesome.

Lisa, 34, even dripped hot wax on Tommy's chest at a motorway service station hotel to recreate a scene from Madonna's 1993 movie Body of Evidence.

She also spanked him with a paddle. She said: "I was laughing my head off.

"I have told my mum and most of my friends. They understand. It's always been our dream to have a fairytale wedding."

So, you want to make money to have that Disney wedding that you've always wanted. Pull out the video camera and start filming your porno. If you're in Charlotte, there are plenty of prime locations for you to use for sex acts.

And the above couple is proof that no one looks at faces in porn.

The good people at The Frisky found this ad.

I'm willing to bet that if the good people in Charlotte and the surrounding area cleaned out their parents or grandparents attics, this phone is hidden in a box somewhere.

Don't try calling the 800 number, it's no longer in service.

I've never grasped the concept of a cuddle buddy. I figured it was the same as a fuck buddy, but you just held each other after the fact. Not a true cuddle buddy. You just cuddle because for whatever reason, 98 degrees of human heat in your bed makes you sleep better.

This was never clearer than on a cold night in Charlotte when I was too lazy to get up and turn up the heat or place another log in the fireplace. We all need a cuddle buddy.

And the good people at Lemondrop.com have outlined just what you need to do to find a good one.

More than a sex doll, less than a boyfriend, but loads more affectionate than the typical one-night stand, the Cuddle Buddy is the single girl's best defense in that cold, little war waged every winter against loneliness. Consider the Cuddle Buddy a UV phototherapy lamp for your soul.

Unfortunately, you can ruin a good cuddle buddy with sex. Especially if it's good sex. Sex means getting naked, which pretty much defeats the purpose of having someone in your bed to keep you warm.

Did you know that cuddle buddies are good for the environment? The next time someone is talking about going green and saving energy, tell them they could help you do that by finding you a cuddle buddy.

Do be careful, though. If you're the kind of person who confuses someone sharing their blanket with you as a sign of undying love and devotion, then skip the cuddle buddy and get an electric blanket -- Duke Energy will thank you.

Like writing romance novels? Here's an event for you:

The Carolina Romance Writers will be holding their monthly meeting and workshop on Saturday, November 7, at the Hickory Tavern, 9010 Harris Corners Parkway, Charlotte, NC (704-921-4466).

Sign-in begins at 11 am and the program runs from 11:30 am to 3:30 pm, with a break for lunch. This month’s program, Writing Memorable Characters, will be presented by award-winning author Judi McCoy. Ms. McCoy has published over a dozen romantic suspense and romantic mystery novels and teaches the “aspiring author” course at the Romantic Times convention. All guests must register online at www.carolinaromancewriters.com and first-time visitors may attend free.

For further information e-mail info@carolinaromancewriters.com Carolina Romance Writers. To find out more about the Carolina Romance Writers, check out the website at www.carolinaromancewriters.com.

Do you know what sex position fits you best? There are a few ways you can find out. You can try them or log on to Facebook and take a quiz.

Yes. Facebook can tell you everything.

The Cowgirl fits my style best, according to Facebook and I be damned if that isn't the truth.

There's nothing worse than a 15-year-old girl who has decided that all men are scum because she lost her virginity to the wrong boy.

Here's a story I heard over the weekend that proves sex education is leaving a generation of kids dumb:

The girl told her friend that she'd been seeing an 18-year-old for five months and he talked her into having sex. She fell for it because so many of her friends were having sex and since this was her first "relationship," she thought he was really a good person.

But it turned out that he was doing what teen boys do: trying to add a notch to his belt. And that's what he did. Now she's left feeling lost and angry. She's unable to tell her parents what happened, and she wants to act out in a bad way against the boy who she had sex with.

School-sponsored sex education fails kids because while it tells them about the mechanics of sex, a lot is left out about the emotional scars that come from sex when you jump in too quickly. It seems that schools are so busy scaring the kids with the dark side of sex that they aren't preparing them to deal with the aftermath of sex or the right way to say "no."

Girls and boys don't know when they are ready for sex. They don't know when they are being taken advantage of because these things aren't discussed in these classes and too many parents are making kids afraid to talk to them honestly about sex until there is a problem like a pregnancy or an STD.

It's bad enough that most sex ed classes only teach abstinence — when time and time again that lesson plan has proven not to work.

It's time for schools to realize that there is more to sex than the act and it is high time for kids to learn it so that they will make better choices.Itions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} -->

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Here's an interesting e-mail I received about a convention in August:

Cougars from throughout America are invited to compete for the title of Miss Cougar America at America’s first-ever National Single Cougars Convention, Friday, August 28, 2009, at Dinah’s Garden Hotel, 4261 El Camino Real, Palo Alto CA. Cubs (younger men) in attendance will decide who wins the contest. Adults of all ages are welcome.

Francesca Gentille and Tahil Gesyuk, her much younger romantic partner (14 years difference), will deliver the Keynote Address: “Cougar-Luscious: Irresistible Dating & Relating for Older Women and Younger Men.” Ms. Gentille is the award winning co-author of The Marriage of Sex & Spirit and popular internet radio host of Sex: Tantra & Kama Sutra. “I find that I am more luscious as I age. In my 30s I was a Health Educator; in my 40's I began to teach and perform Sacred Sensual Dance; now in my 50's, I am launching The Sacred Courtesan School of Feminine Mystique & Power. I receive many more compliments and enticing offers from men today than I ever did in her 20's. My motto is ‘The riper the berry, the sweeter the juice’."

Tahil Gesyuk , co-director of The Integrative Arts Institute, became a massage therapist at 14, and a yoga therapist at 17. By the time he was 19 he owned his own center and was studying acupuncture. His first long-term beloved was 35 when he was 18. He has always adored and appreciated older women for their wisdom, power, and passion. “Now In my late 30's,” says Mr. Gesyuk, “I am launching Daka University: Empowering Masculine Spirit - Decoding the Female Sex. My motto is ‘Life is about growth & discovery at every age’."

The National Single Cougars Convention is based on Valerie Gibson’s Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men. According to Ms. Gibson, “a cougar is the new breed of single, older woman—confident, sophisticated, desirable, and sexy. She knows exactly what she wants. What she wants is younger men and lots of great sex. What she doesn’t want is children, cohabitation, or commitment.”

“Age discrimination is perhaps the most pervasive prejudice in American Society,” says Rich Gosse, Producer of the convention. “Older women, in particular, are victimized by our youth-oriented society. They are regarded as ‘non-sexy’. Supposedly every American male is only attracted to nubile 20 year olds found in the centerfolds of men’s magazines. The truth is that there are millions of American men who find older women attractive, and we will prove it at the National Single Cougars Convention!”

Let's hear it for all the good vibrators out there that look like some version of a hard penis. The ones with the throbbing veins on them are the best.

But fucking

How perverted are the makers of this toy? Sure grown women like Hello Kitty, but that is a child's toy. Gross. When I think of sex, the only time children enter my mind is if the condom breaks. I don't want a cute sex toy, I want a powerful one. People who use the Hello Kitty vibrator, I'm wondering if you have some serious

"Daddy" issue or if you are one step away from being on Dateline NBC's To Catch A Predator.

A child's toy should never, ever be a sex toy — although I know a girl who had a Tickle Me Elmo in college and her roommate says Elmo tickled more than himself. And that's gross, too.

I think this toy is even worse than the Hello Kitty one. I'll never look at the Glo-Worm the same again.

First let me say, I never thought I could have too much of a good thing. And trust me when I say boy toy is a good--great--thing.

But a rainy Memorial Day reminded me that it really is OK to take a break. It's a shame that I didn't figure that out until Tuesday. Yes, today.

So, how do you get your lady parts to stop from throbbing? Unlike drinking, having more sex isn't the answer.

Boy toy took a look down there last night and was surprised at how swollen it was. His bright idea?

"Put some ice on it."

Not a good idea. But for some reason, I said sure. What I didn't realize was that he planned to use his lips and tongue to apply the ice.

When he was done and I'd told him I was seriously hurting, we got on the Internet to see if there was something I could do (because he's banned from touching me) to make my lovely lady lumps feel better.

The Frisky says:

1. Back(teria) Off: When your skin is feelin’ thin, you are more susceptible to bacteria. So, avoid further complications by...

* Only wear soft cotton undies. Anything else will get all up in your girl grill and start trouble.

* Don’t cross your legs. In fact, sit with your thighs slightly apart. And don’t wear a mini skirt!

* Don’t wear pants, even pantyhose.

2. It’s A Relief: To soothe your pain, you can put on some Vaseline, pure 100% Aloe Vera gel or even some lube after the fact on the red ladybits. Just don’t go shoving it up where the sun don’t shine.

Of course he wanted to help again, and said seriously, he wasn't going to try anything. Whatever. The Vaseline actually worked. But I think the best thing to do after damaging your lady parts is rest, alone, with no panties on.