They say that drinking impairs your motor skills... except when it comes to operating the keypad on a cell phone apparently because impaired fingers are the devil’s text messagers...
With the invention of texting it’s not just drunk dialing you have to worry about anymore... it’s the little typed — and often misspelled messages — you send via text (that can be saved and posted on-line for everyone to read). And cell phones may have a lot of bells and whistles these days, but they don't have a filter to help you think before you text.
So much for my idea of inventing a breathalyzer app for your phone so that restricts you from calling certain numbers if you’ve been drinking... which is pretty much every number other than a cab company. We’ve all been there... when we’re looking at our sent boxes and then we proceed to smack our forehead and then think to ourselves, “wtf?” Yeah, the receiving end of that phone was probably wondering the same thing when they read it.
Well now there’s a national website that posts said texts Text from Last Night — it lets us know that we’re not alone in being trigger happy on text, and provides us with a laugh.
… and I just had to share.
HAlarious.com:
“Apparently I called 911 every time Sean Kingston told me to”
“I want you”
“Stop dating girls with the same name as your mother or strop drinking so much ... I don’t wanna see that”
“Nothing says plantonic group sex like campfires and smores”
Local band Simplified even got mentioned in one:
"i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background"
"hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god"
And then there's the "morning after texts" ...
“We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night”
“I went to Arby’s at 2:30 a.m. and banged on the window for them to make me a Beefy”
Some of my girls and I discovered Texts from Last Night while on a road trip to the beach. We entertained ourselves for hours reading them, so that night my friend sent her boyfriend one she found on there.
“This is a mass text. Where am I” Her boyfriend replied concerned, so she dropped him another one ...
“Hold on, I have to call you back, there’s a cheeseburger in my pocket.”
Meanwhile I’m in the corner have my own unscripted texts throughout the night ...
“I miss you like MC Hammer misses money”
“I miss you like David Spade misses Chris Farley”
“I miss you like inmates miss sex … (with women)”
“I miss you like ….
My friend suggested I not submit my conversation straight out of the canned corn factory, but rather another friend's real actual text …
“I just kissed a girl in the bar and her tooth fell out in my mouth. Unfucking believeable”
And back to the Web site as opposed to my crackberry for more giggle material.
Random.com ...
"I’m going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses"
“Taylor Swift is so right about you”
“This may or maynot be the weed talking, but this is the best tasting toothpaste I’ve ever had”
“Don’t wear deodorant, we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding”
So remember, next time you text and sext, anything you type and say can and will be used against you in the court of the world wide web. Note: try to avoid sending said texts to users of the iPhone, they store and save full length conversations ...
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