Best of the Blotter 2002 

Them's Good Eats: A hotel manager asked police to investigate suspected drug activity in one of the hotel's rooms. The police found the room easily and, upon knocking, were invited to enter by an agreeable and polite male voice. Once inside, the officers immediately identified a "small dose of marijuana, a drug scale, and a hypodermic needle." They stepped forward to conduct a bodily search of the man, but before they could stop him, the man "pulled a baggie of alleged cocaine from a bodily orifice" and swallowed the entire contents. Police did manage to secure residue from the baggie to prove the contents were indeed cocaine.
Can't You Take A Joke?: A bit of good-humored ribbing took a wrong turn last week, resulting in a physical attack. After a woman commented that another woman was weird because of the way she wore her watch, the weird watch-wearer stood up, walked over to the woman who made the comment, and slammed both of her hands on the unsuspecting woman's head. The weird watch-wearer then started pulling the woman's hair. Finished, the assailant sat back down as if nothing had happened.
Troubled Souls: A student was escorted from school when a wary teacher noticed that the student wasn't taking notes in class but seemed to be intently drawing instead. Upon further investigation, the teacher saw that the drawing showed the student blowing up his middle school. The student was suspended from school and arrested for communicating threats. The picture featured an explosive device connected to the school with the very threatening, even terrifying words, "BOOM, BOOM, KA BOOM" by it. The crazed child bomber was quickly picked up by his daddy.
Respect Your Elders: A grandma finally had enough last week, when her grandson refused to help out around the house. After asking him to "clean up around the house" the grandson "was being disrespectful," saying that "he wasn't going to help and that he was going to watch TV instead." In an attempt to get him off his duff, grandma started vacuuming. The grandson got up and unplugged the vacuum cleaner and told his grandma that he was trying to watch television. Granny plugged the vacuum back in and continued to vacuum. The grandson then got up and unplugged the vacuum once again. This battle of plugging and unplugging lasted several more rounds until finally the grandson became enraged and threw the remote across the room. The remote hit a bedroom door, damaging it and breaking the remote. The grandson left on foot, and grandma took out a warrant.
Good Cop, Bad Cop, Fake Cop: It seems that even cops are susceptible to the whims of criminals. An officer's personal vehicle was broken into while it was parked in front of his home. The thief was able to get away with the officer's laptop computer, his police winter jacket, police hat and hat badge, his police ID, his ticket book, accident report book, his handcuffs and clipboard. Be on the lookout for a crook playing cop or someone with a uniform fetish gone out of control.
Would You Like Fries With That?: While working at a fast food chain's drive-through window, one employee sustained unexpected abuse. When the next car in line pulled around to her window, the couple inside was obviously in the middle of a heated argument. The employee decided to ask the driver for payment for the food in order to distract him. The distraction only served to push the already flustered driver over the edge, however, and instead of handing over the money, the driver grabbed the employee by the collar and slammed her head on the drive-through window. The assailant then sped off without an apology or his receipt.
The Pits: After deciding to put her pit-bull puppy up for sale, a Charlotte woman expected to get a couple of callers expressing interest. She got that and more when one pit-bull fanatic called the woman and threatened to blow her house up if she didn't sell him the puppy. Blowing off the call as a prank, the woman simply hung up the phone. The threat wasn't taken so lightly, however, when the smell of smoke woke the woman at 4am to discover that her house had been set ablaze.
Hey, Kids, Leave Those Teachers Alone: There were two incidents recently of students assaulting and/or threatening teachers at Charlotte elementary schools. One incident occurred when a rowdy student challenged his teacher to a fight, then proceeded to grab a pair of scissors and approach the teacher in a "threatening manner." In another incident, a student threw a tube of Chapstick at his teacher, striking him in the abdomen -- and you know how bad that must have hurt; those Chapstick bruises can be lethal. While he was being removed from the classroom, the rambunctious tyke kicked another teacher in the shin. Still on the rampage, when the little terror was placed in the "quiet room," he pulled the carpet off the walls, causing $200 in damage.
That Ain't Your Baby's Daddy: A woman called police after she received a threatening phone call from another woman who said "I'm gonna kick your ass. You don't know me, I'm not Mexican." The victim believes the threat was the result of a comment she made to the woman's husband, indicating that their child was "too good looking to be his." The victim stresses she made the comment in a joking manner, but apparently the child's mother didn't get the joke.
Help, Police! We Need An English Teacher: A married couple called police after they received a phone call in which, according to the police report, the caller leveled the following grammatically scary threats: "That was fucked up you guys calling child protective services. I'm gonna kill you and your wife. You think you big stuff cause you're married to him. You ain't cause he ain't shit. I'm gonna get you."
And the Oscar Goes To...: A pregnant woman in Charlotte? The key scene involved an argument between the woman and a friend, on the subject of her pregnancy. The friend pushed the woman against a wall and kicked her four or five times, causing her many bruises and a black eye. According to police, however, the bruises appeared to be very old and not from the recent assault. While the woman played a convincing part, perhaps she should find a new make-up artist. Smudged black eye liner under her left eye didn't fool the police for one second.
Jiminy And Friends: One man got quite a surprise when he arrived at his home to find it inhabited by new residents: rats, bugs, and crickets. Apparently, the critters were everywhere in the apartment and had not been there when he left. To add to the sense of violation, money was apparently missing from where he had hidden it in a "safe place." He suspects that his roommate, who moved out the day before, was the culprit.
Sheer Poetry: A middle-aged woman recently reported that two men threatened her. One man said, "I'm going to burn your ass. When I see you again, I'm going to kick your ass." The other man followed with, "When I see your motherfucking ass, I'm going to beat your motherfucking ass." Surprisingly, Eminem was not one of the suspects.
Next Time Go For The Brassieres: At a local department store, a young boy was caught stealing women's sport socks. He was arrested and released to his mother. It is not known if she was moved by the kind, albeit illegal, gesture or if she scolded the boy for getting caught.