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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (June 30) 

New jewelry

Flash Your Wrist A CMPD officer came out of an altercation with a suspect on South Boulevard last week with only half of the equipment he started with, while the suspect made off with a new pair of shiny bracelets. According to the report, an officer was taking a man into custody and had one handcuff slapped on his wrist when he decided to take off. He got away, although it's unclear how he'll get that first handcuff off his wrist. To add salt to the wound, the suspect also knocked the $400 body camera off the officer's uniform, breaking it.

Poolside A woman was startled last week when she arrived to open the neighborhood pool in a south Charlotte suburb and found that someone was already enjoying his day there. The woman told police that she unlocked the gate and found a man sitting in a chair minding his own business by the pool. When she asked what he was doing, he told her that he was just relaxing. She asked him to leave — ironically, since the pool was finally open — and he calmly got up and walked out of the pool.

Crash Pad Landlords in the Cambridge Commons neighborhood in northeast Charlotte visited one of their homes and found that maybe it wasn't as ready for a tenant as they had originally thought after getting some unexpected guests. The reporting person told officers someone had entered the home and "maliciously punched into the walls." If that wasn't enough, the suspects had soiled multiple spots throughout the house with urine and feces.

Gassed Up A mechanic made a surprising discovery at a local Circle K gas station when he came to fix a leaky pump and found that the problem could've been much worse. The man told officers that when he took the machine apart he found the source of the leak: a nine-millimeter bullet still lodged in the pipe.

ISIS Police responded to a U.S. Army recruiting center in the University area after it was targeted with gibberish. Employees at the center filed a report after receiving three separate letters, all consisting of "nonsensical writings which they deemed suspicious."

Maybe Next Time A woman's car paid the price for her (obviously correct) refusal to give someone a ride in west Charlotte last week. The 51-year-old woman told officers she was sitting in her car in a friend's driveway when someone approached and asked a "favor" (presumably for a ride or to use her phone). She said that when she refused the favor, the suspect suddenly picked up a chair and shattered her windshield with it. The suspect ran off before police arrived.

Fight Club A man didn't realize that while he was watching a fight near his east Charlotte apartment last week he was actually watching the demise of his own property. The man said he came out to his car one morning and found that someone had done $500 in damage to his car. He quickly realized that the two women he said he had watched fight in the parking lot earlier must have gotten too close to his car during the affray and caused the damage.

Priorities Officers responding to an extortion call last week found two suspects who couldn't take care of themselves, let alone four kids. The officers said they went to an address on Monroe Road to investigate claims that a man and woman were attempting to extort a man by falsely telling him he was in danger and they could get him out of it for a fee. When they arrived on the scene, they found four children aged two to five years old sitting unattended in a car, although it was at least running with air conditioning. Both were arrested on blackmail and extortion charges.

Take It All Last week was a weird one in Charlotte for shoplifters. We'll just present these lists of separate shoplifting incidents without comment. At a west Charlotte Walgreens: $420 worth of memory improvement vitamins and $100 worth of Rogaine. At Harris Teeter in Uptown: two boxes of wine and a rainbow sushi roll. Harris Teeter in University: cucumbers, crackers, candy, salad, dressing and wine.

Like Butter It wasn't just businesses that fell victim to the seemingly random whims of thieves last week. A 61-year-old man reported to police that he had hired a cleaning service and when the cleaners left his house he was missing two hams, two sticks of butter, a pair of sunglasses and a bottle of coconut lotion.

Playing Doctor Someone decided to use tough love to motivate someone to take their meds last week. A 25-year-old in Uptown told police that she received a text that said, "He told me the medicine you take so take it before you get your ass beat."

Playing Detective A NoDa man came to his car one morning last week to find that it had been broken into. Among the items lost was a camera, a CPR mask, a duty bag, an Xbox controller, a pair of sunglasses and a knife. What the thief didn't know (unless they were trying to erase evidence) was that the victim is a CMPD employee and the camera is used to photograph crime scenes. There must be some gruesome things on that memory card.

It Adds Up A Highland Creek man didn't suffer quite the same loss when he went out to his car one morning last week to find that it had also been broken into. He probably wasn't very perturbed though, as the thief just stole his garage door opener and 75 cents.

Take this Whoopin' Someone took the parental route during a road rage incident on Sugar Creek Road last week. Police responded to a public affray in the roadway around noon one day and during the investigation found that one man had done $100 in damage to another man's car with a belt.

Undressed While dognappings are a rather normal occurrence in Charlotte, one thief was not interested in the dog they saw playing in a Third Ward yard last week, but in what it was wearing. A woman there called police to report that someone had gone in her yard and stolen the harness off her dog while it was playing one day last week.

Collateral A local taxi driver called police after a fare-dodging customer mistakenly left a trade off. The man told officers that he dropped a customer off in east Charlotte but the suspect ran off before paying his fare. What the suspect probably didn't realize, however, is that he left his gun in the back seat.

Gangsta Grills A man who couldn't get his steak done just right took it out on the grill at an apartment complex in the University area last week. The complex manager showed officers a surveillance video in which the man was seen repteadly striking the grill, doing $100 in damage. Maybe a few cooking classes would help.

Hotcakes Now that McDonald's serves breakfast all day, it's no longer necessary to be in such a rush you forget to get dressed. Some people haven't gotten that memo. Police filed a report last week after finding a 36-year-old woman drunk and naked in the parking lot of a McDonald's in the University area at 6 a.m. The woman was brought to the hospital to be treated for bruises and scratches, but was not the victim of any type of assault. She was apparently just really in need of a McGriddle.

Threat of the Week A 26-year-old woman filed a police report last week after someone became very specific about some vandalism they planned to carry out in order to harass her. The victim told officers someone texted her saying, "I hope your mom doesn't live in the same apartment or she'll have $20 worth of damages."

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