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LITTLE FOCKERS Let me get this straight. Dustin Hoffman deemed the script for Little Fockers so awful that he refused to participate until new scenes were written for him. And here he is now, having agreed to a revised screenplay that has him uttering lines like "You can pick your nose, but only flick the dry ones, not the wet ones." Needless to say, that's a long way from the likes of "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me ... Aren't you?" and "I'm walking here! I'm walking here!" Then again, Little Fockers is pretty much the basement for most of the accomplished actors squirming up there on the screen. Even those charitable folks (like me) who didn't think Meet the Parents' first sequel, Meet the Fockers, was a sign of End Times will feel the comic desperation in this outing. There's admittedly a chuckle here and there, but they quickly get buried by painful sequences like the one in which Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) sticks a needle into father-in-law Jack Byrnes' (Robert De Niro) erect penis, or Greg's young son projectile-vomits onto his dad. As in How Do You Know, Owen Wilson proves to be an unlikely saving grace, but enough is enough. This franchise has run its course and made its millions, but now it's time for it to fock off. *1/2
THE MECHANIC In the annals of "tough guy" cinema, there's not much to say about the 1972 Charles Bronson vehicle The Mechanic except that its leading character displays a refreshing lack of sentimentality (not unusual in the days of vintage squinters like Lee Marvin, Robert Ryan and Bronson) and its script ends on a neat little "gotcha." This sleek new model retains that twist ending but jettisons the steely sensibilities, resulting in yet one more formula flick about a taciturn killer who, despite his penchant for slaying, turns out to be the kind of nice guy you might consider Friending on Facebook. Jason Statham fills the Bronson role: As Arthur Bishop, he's the best hitman around, although he's not thrilled when his next assignment turns out to be his mentor (Donald Sutherland). Preferring to work alone, he later decides to take on the old man's unruly son (Ben Foster) as his protégé, teaching him everything he knows about the art of the kill. This Mechanic largely follows the plotline of its average predecessor, yet it goes the extra kilometer to prove its inferiority by cowardly softening its protagonist (the oldest movie profession might be the hooker with a heart of gold but the second oldest is the killer with a mind of conscience) and even copping out at key junctions — meaning that audience members have been snookered in more ways than one. *1/2
MEGAMIND 2010 has brought us two animated features about a supervillain who eventually discovers his long-buried humanity, yet viewers who check out Megamind needn't have seen Despicable Me to feel slightly let down by this similar outing. Will Ferrell handles vocal duties as the title villain, whose joy at finally destroying his arch-nemesis, the preening Metro Man (Brad Pitt), soon turns to depression once he realizes there's no one around to challenge him. He ends up creating his own superhero (Jonah Hill), but it isn't long before the supposed do-gooder realizes it's more fun to be bad and sets about destroying the city and kidnapping TV reporter Roxanne Ritchi (Tina Fey). Megamind now finds himself in the unlikely position of having to save rather than terrorize the civilians who have long feared and despised him. Megamind is perfectly fine for the kids, but adults might find their own megaminds wandering at various points throughout a film that doesn't compare to The Incredibles when it comes to affectionately tweaking the superhero genre. Certainly, there are some moments of delightful inventiveness — I love how Megamind occasionally disguises himself as Marlon-Brando-as-Jor-El-in-Superman — but all too often, safe and sentimental scriptwriting proves to be this film's fatal Kryptonite. **1/2
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