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The Blotter: Bummin' Cigs 

Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files

Kramer A 70-year-old man filed a police report last week after going through a rude awakening thanks to his tobacco fiend of a neighbor. The man told police he was sleeping in his bed at his north Charlotte home when his neighbor woke him up at around 4:30 a.m. and asked him if he could borrow money to go buy cigarettes. The problem was, his neighbor did not have permission to be in his home. The tired victim told him — probably in no uncertain terms — to get out of his home then went back to sleep, but when he awoke at 8 a.m., he was still peeved enough about the incident to file a non-criminal report with police.

Take a Knee When you get cut off in traffic and want to express your problems to the person who did the cutting, it's probably best that you just stick to the middle finger. One man wanted to discuss traffic etiquette with a woman who cut him off in north Charlotte last week but ended up with a bum knee instead. The man told police he got out of his car on North Tryon Street near NoDa Brewing to talk to a woman who had just cut him off, and when she saw him approaching her car she hit the gas and struck him in the knee, then drove around his car and took off down a side street. It's unclear whether the woman was caught, but the report states that she faced charges of assault with a deadly weapon. My analysis: with all the stories of road rage attacks you hear these days, I'm not entirely sure she did the wrong thing here.

Oprah Winfrey There comes a time when you're working at your retail job and you've seen so many people walk away without the things they really want that you just can't take it anymore, so you start giving shit away. What's that? That's not normal? Well, those were the actions of one employee at a Sam's Mart convenience store last week, as management reported that the suspect was "caught on video giving away merchandise to customers and not charging them for the items." In total, the suspect gave away just $16 worth of goods, but he was still turned into police and charged with larceny by employee.

Hot Commodities There are far too many hungry people in this city to leave a hot dog cart unattended for too long, and one man learned that the hard way at Latta Park in Dilworth recently. The man told police he was selling hot dogs at the park when he decided he would need to go to a nearby Target to re-up on supplies. He left his wife in charge of watching over the cart, but she eventually had to go to the bathroom and left the cart unattended for 30 minutes. At some point between noon and 12:30, a thief took advantage of the free dogs, and made off with the whole cart, worth $4,000.

See You Later A 51-year-old man called police to report one of his acquaintances that pulled off one of the dumber hit-and-runs I've come across in my time writing The Blotter. The victim told police that the suspect struck his vehicle in the Washington Heights neighborhood in west Charlotte at about 3:40 p.m. one afternoon in the middle of a downpour, according to the report. The victim recognized the driver at fault in the fender bender, and the two even chatted briefly from inside their respective cars. The victim told police he "assumed the driver was going to pull over and exchange information," but instead, the suspect suddenly sped away, despite the fact that he knew the victim and could ID him. He probably needed some time to sober up before confronting the $500 in damage he just did to his friend's car.

DIY A 24-year-old employee at Carmen Carmen Salon in the Cotswold area called police last week after someone stole something from her work area, and it wasn't just a stapler. The woman reported that someone took a $600 pair of left-handed shears from an unlocked drawer near her chair. Assuming it wasn't one of her coworkers, as she would probably recognize them while in use, our guess is that it was a customer who decided they could do a better jobwith a DIY cut in the mirror.

Gimme the Cheese Police responded to a theft call at Chuck E. Cheese on Pineville-Matthews Road, because the victims clearly can't come to them. Staff told police that the suspect stole $20 from a tip jar that was meant for "a cast member," and maybe it's been a while since I've been in a Chuck E. Cheese, but am I wrong for assuming that means the money was meant for one of those animatronic musicians?

Do They Fire? Staff at Wolfman Pizza on Park Road in south Charlotte called police last week after someone tried to pass an obvious counterfeit bill and thought they'd get a pizza for it. Officers reported that the fake $20 bill had the word "REPLICA" written in all caps clearly in the corner, so the suspects were only able to order waters.

Who Gets What A 28-year-old man filed a police report last week after someone broke into his south Charlotte home and made off with some important documents that the suspect must not have any use for. The man told police that the thief made off with $2,000 worth of jewelry, his passport and his living will. Look on the bright side, you don't have any jewelry for your family to fight over anymore, anyway.

All stories are pulled from police reports at CMPD headquarters. Suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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