The Blotter: Bump and Run 

Rumble in the Jumba A 38-year-old man filed a police report last week after bumping into somebody and deciding that he may have been in enough danger to need police help. The man told officers he was walking out of Jumba Juice in the Bank of America Corporate Center when he bumped into the suspect. The two then got into an argument over which of them should apologize, although it seems nobody did. The suspect then walked away, but the victim decided he wasn't done, so he went to police and filed a report stating that he would like to take the man to court.

Finders Keepers If there's one thing I've learned in my years writing The Blotter, it's that people will do crazy shit for some Oxycodone. They will pull off complex prescription fraud schemes, commit armed robbery and steal from homes they were hired to work in. One person in west Charlotte, however, did not have to work too hard for their bottle of dope, as they just happened to be in the right place at the right time. A careless victim filed a report last week stating that he had placed a bag containing his full prescription of Oxycodone down on the ground outside of A to Z Convenience Store on Beatties Ford Road while he went inside to shop, and — surprise — the bag was gone when he came back out.

Gross CMPD's Crime Scene Investigations unit responded to a home in southwest Charlotte last week after a man made what might be a gruesome discovery, or might just be a spill. The man told police that he took the sheets off of a bed at the home he lived at — it's unclear whether it was his bed or not — and found a large red stain caused by some unknown substance that he thought looked like blood. CSI collected the outer layer of the mattress for further testing, and the man hopefully threw the bed out ... like way out.

Getting Outta Dodge A 21-year-old man finally decided to file a police report last week regarding something he lost late one night more than four years ago. The man told police that he was in a bar in Uptown Charlotte on March 5, 2013, when he lost his passport, which identified him as a citizen of the Republic of Palau, an island country in the western Pacific Ocean. It's unclear in the report why the man waited so long to report his passport missing, but as I take a look at the daily actions of our current presidential administration, I can't help but wonder whether I should tell them I lost mine, too. Palau sounds nice this time of year.

The Grinch Police responded to a home break-in in the East Forest neighborhood in southeast Charlotte last week and found a household full of upset adults, but far more upset children. Police spoke with the victim, a 47-year-old man, who told officers that the suspect broke in through the rear window of the house and then went through the kids' bedrooms, stealing $110 total, while leaving everything else in the house untouched.

Winter Is Coming While last week we reported on a man who got caught shoplifting in the Kate Spade store in SouthPark because he was conspicuously shoving purses down his pants, another man in the mall was a lot smoother with his attempt the following week, but was still caught. Police responded to the Neiman Marcus store one afternoon and talked to employees who told them a man walked in and went directly to a $2,500 black jacket with fur trim that he had apparently already scoped out, then quietly walked out with it. He underestimated store security, however, and was quickly caught.

New Gear While weed smokers have long had their apples and water bottle bongs, you rarely get to see crack addicts getting creative with their smoking gadgets — until recently, that is. Multiple reports popped up last week about officers confiscating tire pressure gauges that had been emptied out and turned into crack pipes, including one officer who took one away from a man during a traffic stop on Dalton Avenue just because an orange piece had been taken off of the gauge, even though it had not been used to smoke any drugs whatsoever.

Turn Up Police responded to a loitering call in front of a church near Garinger High School last week and found a high school student who must've had a rough day at school. Police arrived at the scene at 2:15 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon and found a 15-year-old girl who admitted she had consumed an alcoholic beverage.

Carrot and Stick A 28-year-old man finally went to the police after he was given the run around by a pair of people who had found his wallet in west Charlotte recently and didn't turn out to be the good Samaritans they claimed to be. The man told police that he dropped his wallet at Soul Junction Music Festival on the Johnson C. Smith University campus, and later got a message on Facebook from someone claiming to have found it. The man then contacted this person, who later claimed that he didn't actually have the wallet, but gave him the name of someone who did. The man has spoken to both suspects, who have claimed to both have and not have the wallet at different times, but they have now apparently rethought their good will, as they have stopped answering calls from the victim.