The Blotter: Father's Day 

Family Matters A woman in north Charlotte filed a missing person report for her 3-year-old son last week, although it's unclear that the person who has the child has any idea he is now considered a kidnapper. The woman told police that the boy was with a man who for three years has been "led to believe" that the boy was his son. The woman told police she recently received "new proof" that the man was not actually the child's father, and wants to regain custody of her son. It's unclear what sort of mother she has been over that time because now she says she doesn't even know how to get in contact with the man who is apparently taking care of her son.

Top Salesman A 51-year-old man in west Charlotte called police last week after his efforts to stay clean ended up getting him robbed. The man said he was walking down Beatties Ford Road when a suspect asked him if he wanted to buy some drugs. The man refused, so the man implemented more aggressive sales tactics by punching the victim in the chest and taking his money anyway. The suspect made off with $50 from the victim, so the lesson is that he should have just went ahead and bought the drugs.

Nope-ary Its hard to say who you can trust in north Charlotte these days, as someone is now walking around with a fake notary stamp, possibly wreaking havoc on the bureaucratic process by stamping anything anybody asks him too. According to employees at a post office on Sunset Road, a notary stamp was supposed to be delivered but never came. When they checked with the delivery service (who delivers to the post office?), they were told someone signed for the package, although no one there recognizes the signature of the suspect.

So So Daft Police filed a report after a young girl was knocked over by some excited Jermaine Dupri fans. The rapper was at Ovens Auditorium on June 10 with Da Brat and Bow Wow — who later staged a fake chase with fans through the parking lot in what was one of the lamest not-so-viral videos attempts ever — when a group of fans rushed the stage, knocking over a 7-year-old girl in the process. Luckily, the girl did not suffer any injuries, and the fans were able to get better seats to watch a nostalgia tour that's not even worth the energy spent on recollection.

No Good Deed A 52-year-old man in the Sheffield Park area tried to do a favor for a stranger and paid dearly for it. The man told police that a woman knocked on his door and told him she was hot and needed some water. Instead of going to fetch her a glass of ice water, the man let the stranger in to his kitchen and apparently didn't watch her around his belongings. He later realized that his wallet was in the kitchen all along, and the woman stole $300 from, which surely quenched her thirst.

Energizer Bunny Police responded to a Walmart in the University area last week after someone made off with nearly $1,000 worth of car batteries. According to employees, a suspect pulled up to the store around midnight and began stealing used car batteries from the cage they are kept in. He must have been there for a while, because he ended up making off with 120 batteries. It's unclear what he plans to do with all those batteries, but he might be in a warehouse somewhere plugging himself into all of them at once as he prepares to fight a superhero. One can dream.

Collision Course In last week's Blotter, we reported on an unknown suspect who nearly crashed their drone into a CMPD helicopter. Another aircraft had trouble in Charlotte's unfriendly skies last week, as the pilot of a passenger jet flying into Charlotte Douglas International Airport reported that someone "carelessly" flew a drone into the path of his jet, putting everyone on board in danger. Police searched the area in north Charlotte below where the near-collision occurred, but couldn't find the drone operator.

Shitshow Police responded to Foxcroft Hills Swim and Racquet Club in south Charlotte after a vandal(s) messed up everyone's tennis games for the next week or two. Police reported that someone had pushed over a porta-potty right next to the tennis courts, causing puddles of waste and doing about $1,000 in damage to the facilities and landscaping.

Back for Seconds A 27-year-old woman called police last week after her car was stolen, but she was in the right place for it to happen. The woman told police she went to eat dinner at Tokyo Buffet in the University area and when she came out to the parking lot after eating, her car was gone. This scenario begs the question: are you then allowed to go back into the buffet and continue eating while you wait for police to arrive?

Feed the Baby A couple from south Charlotte filed a police report after a thief took the food right out from their baby's mouth ... or at least the tool that would be used to deliver it. The couple told officers that their car was broken into, and the only thing the suspect stole was a set of baby spoons that had been sitting on the passenger side floorboard. Perhaps the most surprising thing about the report was that the couple reported the value of the baby spoons at $150. Sure.